It's Spring at last, I think

Exactly a week ago today on March 10 we saw the first robins of 2009. In fact it was about 5:00PM and our front yard from which the snow has melted but the ground is still not thawed hosted flocks of robins. Looking out the front window, I spotted their orange breasts. the robins are not our favorite birds here in MN. In fact, we have decided they are kind of nasty. Two days before the robin spotting I noticed a pair of doves on the ground at the bird feeders. That was my first clue of spring.

We have become amateur bird watchers here in MN. It's easy to do, just look out any window to spot cardinals, sparrows, nuthatches, chickadees, woodpeckers of all varieties, robins, crows, hawks, grackles, red winged black birds, juncos, wrens, buntings, etc. Well the variety depends on the season. The eagles are back along the Mississippi, fishing, standing on some floating ice and observing the water, then soaring with a catch. It's a marvelous sight and so common here that people pay little attention. For us though, the eagles are intriguing magnificence. One photo here from 2 years ago...Trouble is I can't get a photo because there is no pedestrian walkway on that highway bridge. Even I am not foolish enough to stop on a 65 mph roadway and pull over to get a photo. The same reason I can't get the best photos of our bluffs in all seasonal dress. Also along the river we see the returning egrets, cranes and herons. And all this just on our way to La Crosse.

At our bird feeders, though we have had a different species partaking this year, deer known as Mama and Bambi. They knock the feeders around to loosen the grain and seed and then come up and graze. Bambi is quite indifferent to me as I open the back garage door, step out onto the walkway and still keeping a respectable distance, calling "Bambi, get out of there..." Bambi looks at me non-chalantly, puts his head down and continues to graze, "oh, it's you, harmless." This severe winter brought the deer up to our doorsteps, to nibble on evergreens. While it's quaint it's not a good thing. There are many piles of deer do-do, aka scat all over the yards. And they are rude enough to leave scat in a drain pipe that Jerry'd set along the front to drain the melting snows into the farther part of the yard. The other day we chased Bambi and Mama from the feeders three times. Now when they see Jerry they must know that he used to hunt their cousin's in CA because they flee immediately. But me, not.

The last several days have been gorgeous and balmy in the high 50's and 60 degrees--sunny and warm enough for shirt sleeves. Walking weather and time to get out and patrol the neighborhoods. There are many homes for sale across So. 11th St. Several are by owners and one of interest to us is Jerry's cousin's. We have no interest in buying or moving from our home, but we are just observing. Their home is small and a good starter or a small enough for an older person, but no takers so far. It's been on the market since last fall. The cousins plant to vacate the north and head south to Texas where some of their adult children live. Funny thing is they lived there before and she, Shirley, didn't like it. but then Shirley doesn't like anything so that's no gauge. Another cousin also has one of the houses on his property for sale in an effort to evict a non-paying renter. The renter is his god-child who has never paid rent for 6 years, so why it's become an issue with him now, who knows. It has been a long winter.

But for now we know that spring is on it's way. The daylight savings time change brings us light to nearly 7:00PM here in the north. The downside of that is the sun shines so intently in through the kitchen and dining room that any dust on table or floor is readily observable. Really Friday, March 20th is the first official day of spring. So we look toward departing tundra and warmth ahead bringing tons of outside chores.

One read and a flop

Continuing to post my reads so that at the end of this year I will know what I read and hopefully not buy the same book when I see them at a sale.

BIG FLOP: Red River by Lalita Tademy
I read her Cane River novel a couple years back and thought it was ok. So I picked this from the sale table of Barnes & Noble. Big Mistake. Supposedly based on the true story of what happened in April 1873 in Colfax, LA but slow writing. About the newly freed black residents during the beginning of Reconstruction. With friends in Alexandria, La. and having visited Colfax Parish I thought I'd enjoy this. Pure torture to get through 92 pages. I thought it would get better. This goes right into the donate bag.

Sunrise by Karen Kingsbury is one of those fluffy women's books that took only a couple sittings to breeze through. Karen is a well known Christian writer who is very popular with lots of women, and some men too, I guess. This book will be the first in the Baxter Family Sunrise series and introduces Dayne Mathews, the returning lost son from Hollywood to the Indiana Baxter family. It is an easy read and enjoyable enough and one of those books to set with when not wanting to concentrate too much. Family and faith triumph and all is well. And no 4 Letter words to worry about. No big language either .

The Preacher and the Presidents by Nancy Gibbs and Michael Duffy, published 2007 the true story of Billy Graham and his years as counsel to all the presidents from Harry Truman through George W. Bush. It's an excellent book and a keeper for my library and one I will only loan to those I absolutely trust to return it. I have this idea that grand daughter and niece can help me catalogue all these books when they visit in April--wonder if that will work. I can use their help to read titles, authors and enter into a data base. But back to this great book which I bought at the Christian book store using the gift certificate our departing minster gave me last year. I loved every page and reading the history of different events. Over the years I have developed more respect for Gerald Ford though I was very against his pardon of Nixon. I came to understand why Ford took that action and agree it needed to be done. This book contains other information about that in Ford's own words invoking his belief in God. As I read through the JFK era I realized how far we have not come as voters. Graham predicted that with the election of a Catholic president "never again would religion prove so divisive. I think that is a hurdle that has been permanently passed." How wrong, think of those who spurned Mitt Romney because he was a Mormon in 2008!

I especially liked reading the different episodes with the different Presidents as if I were reading short stories. I never lost my train of concentration because the chapters are distinctive. This is the kind of book that does not have to be read at one sitting and is still so enjoyable. From the skepticism of Harry Truman to the embrace of Nixon each presidential encounter is different.

It shows Billy Graham's humanity and weaknesses too as he gets drawn into some political areas where he vowed he would not be drawn. I was fascinated by the LBJ interactions with Billy Graham. The chapters on Nixon demonstrate Graham's devoutly helping his friend and yet even Billy Graham is manipulated and deceived by Nixon's shenanigans and perhaps distrusted by some of the Nixon colleagues. Billy Graham never admits that but trusts. The reader perceives that from the writing . This book shows Grahams's remarkable character and conservative leanings, but never reveals his political party. Perhaps it intrigued me because I too started out a Democrat.

There is interesting perspective about the disagreement between Norman Vincent Peale and Billy Graham and a mention of William Randolph Hearst. Billy Grahams's famous crusades are slightly mentioned this book. The real focus is interaction with the presidents and his determination to keep their trials and quests in confidence.

Some quotes to give a flavor of the writing: From the authors, "We knew that there were millions of people inclined to see Graham as a saint: we'd also encountered those who dismissed him as a showman, a sycophant, or a pawn of powerful men, with a mass-market message too silky and simple to merit further study. Graham agreed to talk to us without any conditions or control over what we would write. He had one challenge to us as we set out:"I hope it will just be fair and honest and tell the bad and the good." The book does that!

"Of the 11 presidents he'd known, 10 became friends and seven of those close ones. They entered into an unspoken covenant of private counsel and public support..."

"That still left the problem of election years. Again and again he vowed to stay out; again and again he was drawn back in. He always reminded people he was raised a Democrat and had friends in both parties and while this was true, it became clear long ago he had the soul of a mainstream moderate Republican...."

"His reluctance to challenge presidents privately or chastise them publicly reflected his conviction that the truth that mattered most was the gospel truth;..."

Reading this book left me much more curious about Billy Graham. And I have pulled his autobiography "Just As I Am" from my shelf and placed it out front on the To Be Read shelf.

Fat Tuesday by Sandra Brown, who is one of my favorite mystery, thrill writers is a typical Brown book. Burke Bastle is the cop with nothing left to lose and Pinkie Duvall is the corrupt attorney who would make him lose it all. It's a quick read with fascinating characters including a Madame of a New Orleans bordello and the former cop who becomes a recluse running a fishing resort on the bayou. My only quibble with Sandra Brown is that despite the intrigue and great stories she cannot write without including sex scenes. While some find these steamy I guess I show my age by being bored and skimming past that. However, this is another good read worth taking along on a plane ride. It's paperback and easily left behind once read.

That's the catch up on my 2009 reads so far.

More to learn all the time

Lately we have been hearing a lot about Twitter. Jerry, who thinks I'm an up to date techie on most things, asks me, "What's Twitter?" Well I think it's another search engine but then I hear Martha Stewart talking about Twittering, asking her guest, "Do you twitter your friends?" Sounds obscene to me. Well time to take a break from Martha too, I think--her last few shows have featured rap guys (I hesitate to use the term artists) doing crafts with her....."Hey Martha girl, I mean ya know, this be 'de way to do "dat?" I suspect this is her attempt to draw in viewers. Well that draws out viewers like me who have less than no interest in rap, hip hop or whatever they call themselves. Or maybe this is to play to the players in DC as she touts Obama the Hero. Yech! Is everyone in the east a liberal?

Anyway do I need to now learn to Twitter? My cuz, Diane tells me I have to Tweet if I Twitter. She thinks she's funny! I do too!

Shoots, I have just mastered Facebook after nearly a year. It's where many of my friends and relatives are congregating. Yet I admit to being a bit cautious there too---I don't use my primary email for it and never play their games nor purchase through it. I'm just not that comfortable there yet. But yesterday while it snowed (again and still!) I downloaded Facebook to my Blackberry. So see I am capable of lots of techie stuff.

A compliment from a friend via email about how smart I was in a reply I wrote cautioning people to be careful on the 'net made me recall how being known as smart was the highest compliment folks could pay me. Then in my career days when we did a lot of personality profiles and assessments. Mine invariably revealed that I valued intelligence, smarts above all else. I still do value intelligence. And that is why I don't do stupids!

I have a low tolerance for dummies. But they are all around us. Boxes of rocks. The entire dumbing down of our schools has brought us to where today's high school graduates are clueless and need at least a couple years of college to achieve some smattering of education...well that supports the constant need for higher education till we have an entire society of people educated (using the term loosely) far beyond their level of intelligence.

Now I've been around long enough to know that my idea of stupid is often someone else's idea of a jewel! Else why would the voters have elected U NO Who in November? I continue to be disgusted with those who are led as lemmings and who are unable or unwilling to think, research or even ponder. Just taking media's word for it. and there we have the Obamas leading us along the path of the pied piper. Oh I know he has his fans, why some of my friends and family are Obamanites. OBAMA= One big ass mistake, America!

But dummies and stupids. When I get annoyed one of my long time friends in CA reminds me, "you never did do well with stupid." So why would it be any different today? And then lest I join them I have to continue to learn and I suppose that means researching and exploring things like Twitter.

Different worlds of communication

I've just spent several hours tidying up my project room, which is the big downstairs bedroom that is off the study and that also serves as my work out room. I love being able to just leave my projects in process out in what may appear disarray in that room. That way when, the mood strikes me I can go in there and start to work on sorting photos, scrap booking or whatever the pending project may be. I don't have to pack it back into a box and put it away because that room doesn't get any other use. And it's downstairs and not visible to guests when we entertain upstairs. Lucky me!

But, something needs to be done sometime soon, so I chose today. Janine, one and only grand daughter is coming for a week in April. She will be here the same week that Jerry's brother, Rod and family will be here. Rod & Katie are teachers in So. Calif. and Janine is a college student in No. Calif. but every one's spring break is at the same time. So we will have a houseful for that week.

This bothers no one least of all, Janine, who announced she would be taking over the downstairs--this is our finished basement. I agreed she could have the bedroom down there but Grandma would have to tidy up her projects--some of which are strung across the bed. Janine likes the big screen TV & the rec-room and so fancies herself to be in charge of the lower floor. While I can keep my sewing strewed across the coffee table in the study I could not leave the bedroom in it's mess. So now things are packed up and into the closet. Trouble is, I won't likely get to doing anything with those photos, etc. for who knows how long now--out of sight out of mind.

Today while tidying I sorted and threw out some things. I started with a small box of photos and trinkets from my grandmother. She had saved these and I brought them from PA in 2004 when mom died. I did toss out photos of people no one knows. I have asked the only two who might--Aunt Jinx and Uncle Carl and they could not identify the people, so no need to keep these. Old black and white photos from how long ago. I found wedding photos of my cousin Roland who lives in Madison, WI and will mail those off to him. Another treasure which I'll pass along to him are photos of my aunt and 2nd cousin, Stella's, trip to visit them when they lived in Milwaukee. These show he and his folks and his brother and he should enjoy them. It was always a big deal to the Polacks in PA to take the train to Milwaukie...I made that trip every other summer with my grandparents. Rollie can pass them along to his daughter or one of his son's. Those are in an old black and white photo book, remember how the old photos were developed into these spiral photo books? They'd charge us who knows how much for such a thing today!

What I find very strange is how well the old black and white photos have lasted. Some of the photos are from the 1940's and 1950's, yet they are just as clear and certainly better than the color photos we took in the 1970's.

What brings me to the blog now is a telegram that I found. My grandmother had saved a Western Union telegram which Uncle Carl sent her in maybe 1944 or so, when he was in the Army. And there it is today in 2009! A telegram wishing her and all Happy Valentine's Day. Way before cell phones, texting, Facebook and/or email. Hey, this must even be prior to Hallmark cards in all their glory which are used to celebrate and greet today!

I wondered if it scared her when she opened it, because telegrams were not a good thing in World War II. She kept it a long time, so I cannot part with it in 2009. It will go into the Ostroski-Kochanowski Family scrapbook. That is when I get back to the projects! A historical relic of communication from the past. How different it is today.

So here it is, the scan of the telegram and photo of my grandparents and me. That's Teofil Kochanowski (Grandpap) and Rose Ostroski-Kochanowski (Baba to me) , me and Carl Konesky, their son and my uncle. He changed the Polish spelling to something more Americanized Konesky then he and the siblings all began to use Konesky.

I was the star of every photo. On the right, is Uncle Carl home on leave from the Army. There was no date on this photo, but I guess it about 1945 sometime. The clothes were out on the line which shows in another photo taken the same time, and yet in another there I am in the wash tub outside. So it must have been nice weather. And I know this was when they still lived on 2nd Avenue in the old row houses. They and Mom bought the house on Catalpa St. when I was about 2 years old, so here we are prior to that.

I just noticed that an old factory smokestack which would have been across the river looks like it's coming right out from my grandmother's head. Funny. The 2nd street row house was near the river and I know they were all too happy to move up the hill onto Catalpa St.

From Party line to bluetooth/Ipod

I receive copies of my friend's father's poetry from time to time and today he emailed the one below about Party Line. Well, that brought back memories.

I remember our telephone in PA was a party line for a long time while I was growing up. My mother knew who the others were on the line. So she would watch her conversations, because she said some of them didn't have anything better to do than listen to everyone else. This was before afternoon soap operas on TV, heck it was before TV. I still remember that phone number--748R. The trivia that sticks in our heads!

Mom never really trusted the phones but continued to carefully watch her words when talking, years later. She said, "You never know whose listening in." I remember picking up the phone to use it and there would be someone already on it. By the time I became a teenager we had a private line. But unlike today I was not allowed to talk as much as I wanted on the phone. That used to tick me off. Talk about a world so different from today.

Anyway, my mother must have learned something from party lines,or from B-grade detective movies because she'd pick up the downstairs phone if I was nervy enough to sneak upstairs to talk "in private." So when I wanted to yak with my friends we had to go to each other's houses--within a block down the street anyway. We really lived in challenged times.

Then a day came when one friend got her own phone in her room. Her older sister worked and lived at home and gave that to her as a present. We thought she was quite lucky, unlike the rest of us. But it didn't matter because she was the only one with real privacy. The rest of us lived in phone restricted households, so she had no one else to yak with anyway! But we sure envied her phone.

Now with the ipods, cell phones, blue tooths, etc. that kids have attached permanently to their ears I wonder how we made it! And imagine these kids can talk freely about whatever and no Mom's ears to fear! Then again, their freedom comes at a steep price with such creatures as Internet predators, etc. I still think we were better off. Besides we were always walking to someplace or another and so spent lots of time outside--that was where we got our privacy!


Party Line

Hello! What are you doing today?
Well, I just called up to say ---
What's that? She DID? How'd you hear?
No! Wait, this line's not very clear.

Did you say she ---? That's what I thought.
Well, that's the first she ever bought!
What time was that? I mustn't forget;
Hold it 'til I get a cigarette.

Why, they were here until after eight.
Well, gossip's one thing I simply hate,
But I told her more than a thing or two.
O - Oh! Someone on the line, or was it you?

Of course! I know just how you feel,
(Quit clickin' this phone, you lousy heel!)
No, not you, but the way some act,
It's a pity they don't use a little tact!

I'd like to see it. How's it made?
But where did you put the rick-rack braid?
Bet it's cute. I'd like to see her in it;
Oh! Before I forget, have you tried Pinit?

No, I didn't. Never said a word.
Well, that's not the first, so I've heard.
That's what I say --- like an open page,
It's a wonder she wouldn't act her age!

Well, just thought I'd give you a buzz;
Wish I knew who that guy was,
Didn't you hear him try the line?
Yeah, been doin' it since almost nine!

Where were we? Oh, now I remember,
Didn't you hear? Nine, next November!
I thought so last week on the street.
Yeah, everybody thought her so stinkin' sweet.

You don't mean -- ? That awful clown!
Well, I did hear he left town.
You know that other, -- yeah, skinny legs,
Looked like a dog caught suckin' eggs.

Did you see --- Oh! That makes me mad!
If that guy needs the phone so bad
Looks like he'd get another line,
I pay this bill so this one's mine!

I guess that'll hold HIM, -- now, where was I?
Oh, if you're gonna be home, I'll drop by;
If there's any one thing that'll make me balk
It's some guy cuttin' in when I wanta talk!
Bye, see you in a few minutes!

Written by: Coleman Lee Williams
4/28/1900 - 5/5/1988

My winter readings

Thought I'd post what I've been reading since November. I recently signed onto the Wall Street Journal Book Readers blog. While trying to answer some questions I realized that I should keep track of what I've read if only to be able to answer what I liked and did not like. I am an avid reader, a lifelong hobby which keeps me comfortable and entertained. Here they are:

Are You Hungry Dear? by Doris Roberts aka Mom Marie of the TV show, Everybody Loves Raymond. It's an OK book with some interesting flashes into her life and efforts in show business. Most interesting are her inclusion of recipes which makes this book a keeper for my collection.

No Time for Goodbye by Linwood Barclay. This is a decent mystery about a rebellious teenage girl whose family disappears. As an adult she deals still with the trauma by becoming over protective toward her young daughter. I have not read anything else by Barclay, but would do so. It's a quick read that doesn't take much concentration, but kept me reading to find out what happened.

The Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell. I had this book on my shelf for the past year and just finally decided I had to read it because the author has now written other books. Subtitled "How Little things can make a big difference", this book is fascinating and outstanding about why and how things happen as they do today using an analogy of epidemics. It's about change and those who affect, inspire and lead it. Three agents of change according o Gladwell are the Law of the Few, the Stickiness Factor and the Power of Context. I so enjoyed it that I sent a copy to my friend Sandy in CA. It can be read intermittently which I did while reading along something else for sheer entertainment. This book makes you think. Gladwell tells how Hush Puppies and Sesame Street became landmark successes. I especially related to his description of the Connectors, people who know lots of people. I think I'm one of those or at least I used to be during my career days in CA. Amazingly at Steve's memorial service his friend Ron described Steve as a spider who wove a web of friendship among many different peoples. That's a Connector! I was proud to hear our son was one. I also was intrigued at the description of the power of context and how children are shaped by their environments and the affect of their culture, their friends. Well there is much I could write about this book. It's definitely a keeper for me and one I'll browse from time to time again and again.

The Secret Lives of Fortunate Wives by Sarah Strohmeyer. This is an ok Chic book. To me these tales of these desperate housewives was tedious at times. A native son marries a reporter in Europe; this woman was raised on the other side of the tracks and her attempts to fit in and accommodate to their lifestyles, social posturing and veneers has moments. This is light reading. I found myself forcing me to keep reading. The most interesting part was when one of the desperadas gets into legal troubles. Would I read any other books by this author, probably not.

Still Aliceby Lisa Genova. An absolute smash read. This is her first novel and I can't wait for more. This book chronicles the descent into Alzheimer's by Alice Howland, a Harvard professor as well as the effect on the family and how she deals with the manifestations of her increasing dementia. Well written. Of immediate interest to me when I saw it on the table as a new release in Barnes & Noble. My mother had Alzheimer's so I avidly read anything fiction or non that I find about it. One memorable moment is when Alice arrives home from work and her husband looks at her with horror. He remarks something like, "You are supposed to be in Chicago at a conference." Alice recognizes then that her downslide is accelerating. How she tries to rationalize her behaviors and how she visits doctors alone at first without telling her husband are heart rending. This is also a keeper for me.

The Dream of Scipioby Iain Pears. I read only up to page 43 and could not continue. It's supposed to be thought provoking, set in Provence and flashes among three eras between 1943 and the time of the Romans. It was a local book club read here in La Crescent and all I can figure is they must have been desperate. With so many good books around I just could not waste anymore time on this.

Right now I am deep into The Preacher and the Presidentsa true story about Rev. Billy Graham and his counsel, friendships, and encounters with all the Presidents. I am enjoying it immensely as it has history and perspective. I will write more about it later.

Long John Winter

For obvious reasons I have not been wrting. Finally at the urging of friends and my psyche I will get back to my meanderings. Briefly the Jan 10, 2009 service for Steve in Auburn could not have been lovelier, other than if it had not had to be. We were blessed with a sunny, balmy day with warmth streaming through the lovely stained glass windows at Auburn Pioneer UMC. The music was beyond comforting, praising, outstanding. The songs, On Eagles Wings, Father I Place Into Your Hands, Be Not Afraid and You'll Never Walk Alone stole the show. Everyone commented and some asked if we had recorded it. Jerry said, "Hell no! Who wants to go through this more than once!" Pastor John delivered a eulogy as though he'd known Steve, just from briefly talking to us. The comments about Steve's cars brought lots of memories to his friends and laughter around the church, a good thing. The church was filled with friends and family; not all signed in but it was about 200 folks! Beyond our expectations. We were overwhelmed. So many of Steve's high school friends came, I had not seen them since the 80's. So many spoke about their memories and about how dear a person and loving a friend Steve was. To see so many full of grief and support was a tremendous blessing. I know that his spirit had to be filled with joy and wonder overlooking us. I spoke first because I knew that if I could others would. And they did. Rhonda wrote her pages down and gave them to us. After each one spoke they gave us both a big hug. Jerry really fell apart at the church. He finally gathered himself to bring the urn downstairs to the fellowship hall. He said, "I guess I'm not as tough as I thought I was." One friend replied, "We knew that about you." One of Steve's long time friends,Eric Knierem is a pilot with Alaska airlines. His folks still live in the area and they told him about Steve's death. Eric and family live in Washington and were on vacation in Puerto Rico. Eric flew in just for the service. The service and the people helped dull the bitter sting. My only regret is that we did not get to speak to everyone. So many of the school folks, Steve's co-workers did not come down to the fellowship hall. But even in the hall with the food and visiting I did not get to speak to everyone. Jerry's brother, Rodney and family drove up from southern CA; his sister Barb flew in from Denver, my cousins Larry & Lori from Cottonwood and my aunt Pearl from Grass Valley and of course the Morrisons of Murietta, Alan (son) and Angel and Janine,grand daughter and Brian, grandson. Such are the times when we know what family really means.

Well life in the arctic tundra of MN goes on. Jerry acquired a bad head cold that is making the La Crescent rounds. Being a thoughtful husband he shared it with me in it's last stages. I of course had to improve upon it and am now in my last stages, at least I hope the last. The second full week is wearing me out mostly with the night cough; but this too shall pass. Some days last week I didn't even get dressed. Merely got up, drank hot tea and went back to bed. All my life whenever I'm sick I can sleep, so that works for me.

Such sub zero temperatures as we had through January prompted me to take Jerry's advice and buy long underwear. Even before in the CA Sierra mountains when I cross country skied I didn't need long underwear. Some days here when I ventured outside to help shovel snow in the beaming sun, I donned tights under my jeans. Jerry and others all wear longies. I noticed viisiting with a neighbor that she wore them too. So, maybe it's time for me to breeak down and invest to make life more tolerable in sub-zero temperatures. I was astonished at the cost of women's longies! So I waited till the big sale and even then at half off these cuddlies are costly. But now I'm ready. Thankfully now the snow is melting and temperatures are in the 40's and yesterday a record 51 degrees! We will be putting this long john winter behind us!

I've been working on the Snow White quilt for granddaughter. I've learned that I will not make another quilt starting with 2 1/2 inch squares. No sir, the next time I will have larger pieces. It is looking good but the cutting, sewing and pressing each seam is taking lots of time. That keeps me inside and out of trouble. I had to order some 108 inch wide fabric for the backing from Hancock of Paducah, KY. For several days I could not get through on the phone. Well, duh, it dawned on me. KY had those horrid ice storms and their power was out. Finally though I made contact. The fabric I selected will not be aailable until March 1, which is just fine. I will be done maybe with the front by then!

Don't Ask Me Why, Thoughts, and 90 Minutes

Photo taken Christmas Day to email to granddaughter in Ca who wondered about our snow. It's cold now but lots of snow has melted. We fear not, more on the way!
We are on countdown days till we leave for CA on 1/6. Steve's memorial service is coming together. Just like life, there were some unseen twists. But if we trust God as hard as it gets He will see us though.

Although I'd talked with John, the pastor, and arranged for 1/10 for the service, I began to fret about how to have the food after the service. I can hear Steve now, "MOM! You worry too much!" Jerry echoes that. I guess I do. They say so!

So I left a message on the church answering machine. Well both John and the secretary, Melinda were on vacation between Christmas and New Years. One well meaning senior lady went through the messages and tried to "help" by returning the call. I was not at home so she talked to Jerry. But Jerry didn't get her name only the hard message that John was on vacation for 2 weeks! And further the church did not have a food committee. And no one was there! When I came home Jerry said, "someone from the church called and it doesn't sound good." I assured him that I talked to John. Jerry remembered as he was sitting right there. But still this lady called. I asked if it was a certain senior person whom I suspected. He didn't know. So back to fretting. Will life ever flow smoothly again? Remember we are in MN and all this is being done by email, phone or fax, long distance. For the 3rd month in a row now I have exceeded my cell phone minutes which is big time $$. But this too shall pass.

In a panic, though I prayed for stillness, and for help, please, now? We tried to rent the Portuguese hall in Newcastle. Our friend found it was booked. So back to more serious prayer and that this would be fine. After all, I talked to John and this was a misunderstanding surely.

Yes indeed that is what happened. Another call New Years Day from Fred assuring me John would be back and all would go fine. Last night John himself called to assure me; he'd heard the rumors. When he identified the person I knew that was who would have gotten it twisted--I'd even suggested her name. Lord when I get older please stop me from meddling, from creating havoc by trying to do good. Actually Lord stop me for doing that right now anyway at whatever age.

There have been two blessings through this. First, Adrian Pell who is such a talented humble musician sent an email about a new Church blog at Pioneer. When I asked him to play for the service he said, "Yes." His calendar is empty that day! Hallelujah! Then last night I talked with Dawn Mailcoat who sings beautifully and who will be able to sing the hymns--if we are especially lucky Shawn and Lynn will join her in a trio! Hallelujah again! I want upbeat, no organ, piano and lighter singing. I've asked for Be Not Afraid, Eagles Wings, Father I Place into Your Hands, Is It I Lord, and You'll Never Walk Alone. We used You'll Never Walk Alone at Mom's--she loved that song and so do I.

You know the hardest thing to gauge--how much food for the luncheon after the service? More fretting. Steve's good friend Wes who was trained as a first class chef is preparing the food. I was in distress trying to estimate numbers. Wes said, "Pat don't worry we are not having this to make people fat! If they come to a funeral to eat only that's too bad. We will just do our best."

After all isn't that what we can do anyway in all circumstances? Just do our best. It's what I told Steve; it's what I tried to do.


Last night I went outside in the snow to burn November and December pages from the 2008 calendar. Kind of my own little private burning bowl ceremony. But it was so cold the pages would not burn. I'll try again using a clay flower pot today! The days that came starting with the November hospitalization and following on through Steve's rehospitalization December6 to his passing on December 18 are days I will never forget. But we will try to keep the best memories and not recall the jagged edged days as we get on in life--this life we have. This life that is for the living.

I just read Don Piper's "90 Minutes in Heaven." A remarkable true story of the Baptist preacher who dies and is Heaven for 90 minutes before returning to life. It had been on my shelf for awhile. It was perfect timing for me to read it. Being a believer is easy to me but to read an experience that validates belief is encouraging. I recommend it for anyone, especially anyone who is grieving. One line that struck me, "We never lose someone when we know where they are...." referring to Heaven and Belief. So we never lose Steve. We know he is in a better place. We are just left behind here to do our best.

A friend in CA has a treasury of poetry and verse written by his late father. He shares it with me email and I always enjoy reading these. I keep saying he and his brother should publish these and maybe have some sketches or photos along with some of the writings. They have copyrighted them. Last summer, with his permission, I took one, "The Library" to our little La Crescent library. Lavonne Beach, our librarian, loved it so that she framed it and it is on display right at the front where books are checked out. Here's Don't Ask Me Why"


Don't ask me why the sun shines all the day.
Don't ask me why there's beauty in lambs at play.
Don't ask me why the weak have the heavier load,
Or why the savior of the garden is the ugly toad.

Don't ask me why that lovers always quarrel.
Don't ask me why the skein of life's a snarl.
Don't ask me why sound reason aside we shove,
Or, why we always kill the thing we love!

Don't ask me why we do the things we do.
Don't ask me why to ourselves we're seldom true.
Don't ask me why we revel, deep, in strife
Or, pleasure take, in baiting man or wife!

Don't ask me why we take the easier road.
Don't ask me why we seldom share the load
Of those, the weak, whose loss was but our gain,
Who suffered much that they might ease our pain!

Don't ask me why we love the meaner part.
Don't ask me why we shun the breaking heart
Of those, whose life, it could be ours to share
And, sharing, make it easier to bear!

Don't ask me why; I'm only human too.
Don't ask me why, the answer is never new
But lies in the womb of Time, endless, without span.
Ask of your God, but never ask of man!

Written by: Coleman Lee Williams
4/28/1900 - 5/5/1988

Closing out 2008, the worst year of our life

This photo shows me and Steve New Years Eve 1969. Here it is 39 years later and another NY Eve. We were on our way to friends for our annual gathering in that phot.

Right now I am not looking forward to our trip to CA for obvious reasons. I had the dumbest phone call yesterday with Roseville Telephone CO, Surewest. Someday this will be funny but right now it was frustrating. I called them to disconnect Steve's phone. I talked to 2 fools. Both of who assured me only Steve had authority to make any arrangements for that phone. I repeatedly tried to explain, "didn't you hear me or don't you understand? He is dead. I'm trying to help you by notifying you." The second person in "customer care" was dumber than the first one--she asked, "Do you have a power of attorney?" I don't. (She is so foolish that she does not know that a POA is only good while someone is alive. But I didn't want to engage her any farther.) I hung up in disgust after wishing them a good day and saying they could do whatever they wanted. It's not my problem! Jerry shrugged it off--he said I talked to them too long anyway. Obviously they did not want my help so they could do whatever they wanted. When they try to collect any $$ that will be funnier. Then I suppose they will threaten to disconnect his service!

I called the apt. mgr., landlord today who said that it is the worst phone co in the country but he would try to contact them as he has had to have services disconnected before for deaths, etc. or when someone moves. Steve's friends cleared out the apt. and gave the keys back last Saturday. God bless them all.

Tonight for New Years we will go to the Legion for an early dinner--Prime Rib buffet for Jerry and Scampi for me. Talked to Aunt Pearl last night (Uncle Henry's widow) who said she is going to burn the calendars for 2008. I agree. Surely better times are ahead.

To top off the year, our garage door and opener has to be replaced. Jerry had found a replacement gear on line, ordered it from NY and spent Christmas Day fixing it. Saving $$ he though with the part being only $38. Well it lasted only until yesterday and then again stripped the gear. Nothing to do but get it all replaced. It is only 10 degrees outside today and even with the heated garage we em joy, too cold to be monkeying further. Well a friend recommended Overhead Door Co in LaCrosse who came out and today replaced the opener. Things are looking up. Jerry had been considering replacing our big wooden garage door with a new metal one anyway but thought it would last till spring. He thought wrong. So we are $1900 poorer but now have an operating door and the new one will be installed after we return from CA. As one friend says, any problem that can be fixed with $$ is not a problem.

Amen to 2008.

Plodding along

Christmas Eve day I kept busy scanning photos of Steve from the many loose albums. That was soothing and here is one from Christmas 1973. I emailed them to his friend Ron who is putting a slide show together in CA for Steve's friends who are gathering privately. On the same day the hospital from Roseville called me about filling out Medi-Cal papers so they can get some reimbursement. I said I would try to do what I could for them when we arrive in CA. Understandably his friend Ron decided not to be signing things. Can't blame him.

I understand that the post office has a hold on Steve's mail and that they will release it when we go with a copy of the death certificate. Who knows what bills there are. We can't nor do we intend to pay those; our finances getting drained with the funeral, flight, etc. Even dying is not inexpensive in CA. The obituary in three smaller newspapers where friends will most likely see it is costing $274.

I found a website on grief yesterday that had several letters from adults who have lost adult children. There is an org. "Compassionate Friends" for surviving parents with a chapter in La Crosse, WI. I may check it out next year. Trouble is so much of that is for those who lose children and this is different as the website pointed out. Something I read did not sit well with me--they say allow 18 months for the grief to begin to ease! 18 months! that's a long time. I know it will take time but that surprised me.

I feel a tiny bit more solace with Steve's passing. He asked us to come when he was in the hospital the first time and we did, giving up the best laid plans. And although my last days with him had some very rough moments and not the best, I am glad we went to CA. I'm still holding onto that it was his time; I can hear the Lord say, "well this is enough" as he was in the ICU, sedated, and at the last medically paralyzed. This was not my boy, not the son I prayed for when I knew I was pregnant, not the child we raised with all the hopes in the world. Hi life was too short but at least I will no more worry about what's happening with him. I know he is in a better place.

We are considering going to the Legion for NY Eve dinner; prime rib buffet for Jerry & I'll just have the scampi. I don't like prime rib. Dinner's early between 5--9 so that will work. We have not seen midnight for many years---eyes don't stay open that long.

Christmas Tree Angel

Picture of Steve with Santa 1965. Received a funny story at the end of this, got me thinking about Christmases past. This morning I woke up wondering if I am ever going to have another day in my life where I don't have tears. Yesterday was especially rough. We ran errands preceded by my early AM trip to the dentist who kindly fit me in and replaced a tiny filling that fell off along my gum line. After the grocery stop and a trip to the dreaded Wal Mart we returned to La Crescent with a final stop in the local market. There I found Jerry's 91 year old mother who is not to be out in the arctic cold but who does whatever her demented mind feels she should do at the time. So we took her home. It's only a block from the store but it is less than zero degrees with the windchill, icy all around and besides she has a terrible siege of skin rawness on her face right now, again. Long story shortened here so I can get onto our Christmas angel, by the time we got home I was beat, exhausted. I don't seem to have the stamina I had just a week ago.


One year in CA I was shopping and Jerry & Steve decided to pull out the artificial tree and set it up before I got home. That way they would have avoided trudging out to buy a tree or any other spontaneous idea I might spring on them. They knew I loved Christmas and would busy myself decorating the tree thereby leaving them to watch football or do whatever else they had in mind. But we had two Siamese cats at the time and it was a circus, especially with the male. When I got home, there sat the tree sideways on the floor. Jerry and Steve sat on the couch with arms folded muttering. The cats had been attacking the tree and they were stymied as to how to keep it erect. What a comical sight to me; they were not amused. They resolved it by using a squirt gun to spray the cats anytime they even looked at the tree.

We have a treetop angel whom we bought in 1967 for our first tree. A couple years ago, her hair was thinning so I gave her a hair transplant. She now has long blonde ringlets. Another amazing thing about her is she looks like Dolly Parton--no kidding, this angel has a shape. They just don't make angels like this anymore! She was not made in China for one thing--it's a US creation! I believe we bought her in a Thrifty drugstore near our home. I know we didn't spend much on her because we didn't have much to spend in those days.

She always sat atop the tree until we bought our newest, 7 foot fiber optic tree. Sam's had these for a short time in CA. I insisted we buy it and it was too big for our house in Newcastle. We moved it to MN where today it graces the front living room window in splendor. There is no other like it. No more frustration to Jerry of stringing lights. This tree sparkles like white diamonds and besides has the white lights built in. But sadly there is no place for the angel or anything on top of this huge tree.

So our Dolly Angel has to be elsewhere. In some years I put up another tree downstairs in the TV lounging area. This year one tree is more than I can bear. So Dolly angel goes atop a small tree. This year she is just near the nativity downstairs. Things are different this Christmas.

Now for the Santa Story that started this thought. It came as, "A Christmas Story for people having a bad day"

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where. Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?' And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

It is over and yet it has just begun

Photos: Steve 2004for the school district ID, three of us appx.1983; Christmas 1976 our Newcastle garage Steve & Jerry,

At 3:00AM today December 18, Steve's big heart stopped beating. The call came and it was strange that I was awake before that just thinking about how we would face this.

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding, in all you do acknowledge Him and He will keep your path straight."

Steve has gone on and we hold onto his resting in peace in the Father's arms. We trust it was his time. I talked to the ICU earlier in the evening and the probing therapy, turning him onto his belly to relieve pressure on the lungs was not working. He just could not oxygenate. The doctors did not think he would make it. The infection in the lungs could not be overcome. I have been told this happens with diabetics. Hard to believe in this day and age of modern medicine but diabetes is so deadly.

Steve is gone. I'll no more hear those phone calls, "Hi, Mom, hate to ask this but.....or Hi Mom Don't worry everything will be all right or Hi Mom everything OK there?" It's been a day of phone calls and making long distant arrangements for CA. We hold tightly to each other. We are thankful for his friends and his support system in CA. They honor us by seeing this through and helping clear his possessions, etc. One said today that this must be for the best. Had he made it through this ordeal he would have been in rehab for a long time, mayber more than a year to recover and he would not have been happy.

Steve's memorial service to celebrate his 44 years with us will be in Auburn CA on January 10. I am thankful to have my home church, Pioneer United Methodist, to back us up. We saw no need to try to arrange something during holidays. We all are faced with dreary times as is.

I know 2 hymns for the service; the first Be Not Afraid which was just played for my Uncle Henry. I love it too as it reminds me of Pope John Paul. And to close I want "You'll Never Walk Alone" which my mom wanted and which we had as her final song.

We will use a favorite poem for the memorial service.
The Traveler By James Dillet Freeman

He has put on invisibility.
Dear Lord, I cannot see—
But this I know, although the road ascends
And passes from my sight,
That there will be no night;
That You will take him gently by the hand
And lead him on
Along the road of life that never ends,
And he will find it is not death but dawn.
I do not doubt that You are there as here,
And You will hold him dear.

Our life did not begin with birth,
It is not of the earth;
And this that we call death, it is no more
Than the opening and closing of a door—
And in Your house how many rooms must be
Beyond this one where we rest momently.

Dear Lord, I thank You for the faith that frees,
The love that knows it cannot lose its own;
The love that, looking through the shadows, sees
That You and he and I are ever one!


I can gain some comfort in knowing Steve is with my Dad and they are making a great relationship--the father I never knew with the son we had for too short a time. Sometimes this feels like a nightmare, other times too real.

Steve update Scars of Life

The photo was taken in CA, 2007 Thanksgiving of me, Shelly McGrath,and Steve. Shelly is his long time neighbor sister horse friend! Took no photos this time in CA--all we did was hospitals. We wait one day at a time. Steve was not responding in ICU. At 4:30AM on Monday 12/15 the ICU nurse called to say that I would be called to make a decision to remove his ventilator and to prepare for it. It is what I feared.

All day I let people know and prayed and many prayed with us. The worst conversation was with Steve's dear friend, Kevin. I thought it best to call and give him a heads up. He broke down and then I did. They are younger and this is devastating. It is so unnecessary but I have to remember Steve is an adult and made his own life choices; his is not my life to live.

About 7:00PM on 12/15 the ICU called and I steeled myself. But this time it was a different ICU trauma nurse with a bit of hope--God's answer. They have moved him to a trauma ICU with a special bed that allows them to flip him onto his belly to alleviate pressure on the lungs for about 6 hours at a time. We pray this will help. So many of his close friends in CA have been on the watch, keep in touch and pray and are doing all they can.

I am thankful for my strong faith and as I have believed we don't know, only God does, but right now he wants us to wait and be still. I received this story from a friend today and loved it so I am posting it here as prayers continue.

I also have a doctor's appointment today to just check on my self. I think I'm bearing up well and certainly feel much better after sleeping last night, but I don't want to get ill myself. I have the strength of a life long faith, raised in the church for which I am grateful.

The Scars of Life

Some years ago, on a hot summer day in south Florida, a little boy decided to go for a swim in the old swimming hole behind his house. In a hurry to dive into the cool water, he ran out the back door, leaving behind shoes, socks, and shirt as he went.

He flew into the water, not realizing that as he swam toward the middle of the lake, an alligator was swimming toward the shore. His father working in the yard saw the two as they got closer and closer together. In utter fear, he ran toward the water, yelling to his son as loudly as he could. Hearing his voice, the little boy became alarmed and made a U-turn to swim to his father. It was too late.

Just as he reached his father, the alligator reached him.From the dock, the father grabbed his little boy by the arms just as the alligator snatched his legs. That began an incredible tug-of-war between the two. The alligator was much stronger than the father, but the father was much too passionate to let go. A farmer happened to
drive by, heard his screams, grabbed his gun, raced from his truck, took aim and shot the alligator.

Remarkably, after weeks and weeks in the hospital, the little boy survived. His legs were extremely scarred by the vicious attack of the animal. And, on his arms, were deep scratches where his father's fingernails dug into his flesh in his effort to hang on to the son he loved.

The newspaper reporter who interviewed the boy after the trauma, asked if he would show him his scars. The boy lifted his pant legs. And then, with obvious pride, he said to the reporter, "But look at my arms. I have great scars on my arms,too. I have them because my Dad wouldn't let go!"

You and I can identify with that little boy. We have scars, too. No, not from an alligator, but the scars of a painful past. Some of those scars are unsightly and have caused us deep regret. But, some wounds, my friend, are because God has refused to let go. In the midst of your struggle, He's been there holding on to you.

The Scripture teaches that God loves you. You are a child of God. He wants to protect you and provide for you in every way But sometimes we foolishly wade into dangerous situations, not knowing what lies ahead. The swimming hole of life is filled with peril - and we forget that the enemy is waiting to attack. That's when the tug-of-war begins and if you have the scars of His love on your arms, be very, very grateful. He did not and will not ever let you go.

God has blessed you, so that you can be a blessing to others. You just never know where a person is in his/her life and what they are going through. Never Judge another persons scars, because you don't know how they got them.

Right now, someone needs to know that God loves them, and you love them, too- enough to not let them go.


And just to show that we must find humor, what follows is something a friend composed to respond to the Scars.....I said he has too much time on his hands.

'.......And then the PETA people sued the farmer for shooting an alligator. He was fined 500 dollars for hunting out of alligator season and without a license. The Brady gun grabbers confiscated his shotgun and the Child Protective Services bunch filed abuse charges against the father and took custody of the son. The ACLU filed suit against the author of the story for using the word "God" in his story and Congress enacted legislation which prohibited swimming in any waters which were not contained in a concrete tub. Al Gore and Michael Moore are currently working on a film depicting the incident as the result of global warming as that alligator might not have been in that pond if the water had been cooler...." Tom

Son Update

Sliding downhill continues. Phone call yesterday that son, Steve is back in the hospital. This time in ICU. He was admitted Saturday. They said infection, but not related to the wound. Yesterday I talked to the ICU nurse who said it was pneumonia and that they were keeping him sedated but that when awake he could follow voice commands to squeeze her hand, etc. They have him on a ventilator and because he would try to remove it he is sedated.

Today it is not so. He is non-responsive and they may do a cat scan to determine brain activity. They claim to have aspirated his lungs and got nothing although his breathing was rough. I asked if this could be from the sedation drugs and the pain pills they have given him.

I think I am prepared for anything. All is in God's hands. Prayers continue and we wait. I am glad that I am home in MN, even with the snow and cold. What would I do out there in CA alone?

This afternoon a winter mix storm is coming upon us with more tomorrow. Our 4-5 inches of snow is to increase to about one foot. Thankful to stay indoors.

Our tree is up and decorated. I did less this year but enjoy the sparkle of the season and so the tree is my awakening of the holiday spirit. Even without decorations it looks grand. We bought it a few years ago in CA and it's the only one like it we have ever seen--white fiber optics and white lights. It sparkles like diamonds.

Two nativity sets oversee the season--the oldest downstairs and the newest in the upstairs living room. The dining room table has the Christmas gold in abundance.

We pray for healing miracles in this season of miracles.

The Battle Within

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, 'My son, the battle is between two 'wolves' inside us all..

One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence,empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.

The grand son thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather:
'Which wolf wins?'

The old Cherokee simply replied, 'The one you feed.'

What a mess

Where to start. I leave CA tomorrow December 4 for MN and home. This has been a terrible experience and yet I am thankful for our friends and all the prayers and kind thoughts. Jerry was right (I hate to admit) that I should not have stayed here in CA to help Steve. But us mothers have weird sense or genes or whatever which makes us always want to try.

Brought Steve to his apt. from the hospital on Monday 11-24. Jerry drove the RV, towing the truck home to MN leaving same day and getting home safely by Wednesday. He had Thanksgiving with his cousin and family. I stayed in CA with Steve and fixed a turkey breast for Steve & me and some healthy veggies, a bit of dressing, etc. This is the first Thanksgiving Jerry and I have been apart in 42 years.

Long story short as I try to condense a heart ache. Steve is 44 years old and for some reason my presence is an annoyance and irritant to him. He can be nice to everyone but me; almost a Dr. Jekyl and Hyde monster. One major incidence was Tuesday AM, the day after he got home. He threw his walker and fell flat onto his face with that action. It was almost like the Holy Master pushed him down. He did not get hurt fortunately. By the way, he is nearly 6 foot and weighs (too much) at nearly 300 lbs. He cannot yet put any pressure on his right foot where the toes were amputated. I let him lay there facedown, walked out and went to Curves to work out. When I returned he was in better humor. Just like nothing had happened.

At his apt. all I did was cook, clean, grocery shop do more and more laundry and clean more. I washed over 30 loads of dirty clothes (mind you all at laundromats, lugging all the stuff, etc.) he had stockpiled. Instead of doing laundry he just bought more tshirts, etc. Well anyway all week we had issues. Ups and downs and many more downs than ups. Often he would go to his room and close himself in, play rap music and shout. Mostly he ignored me. Rarely was pleasant to me. But when his friends would come he enjoyed their company and behaved courteously, etc.

I kept his meals in balance, on schedule. All week he had good control of his blood sugar. Never needed an insulin shot. Just his long term Lantis (sp?) at night for which the doctor did decrease the dosage after it was apparent that it was too high at home.

Did I tell you that I got another call in CA that my uncle had died? My father's only surviving brother. Uncle Henry died Nov. 18 in the hospital in Grass Valley right at the time I was thinking about how I would like to see him and share the marvelous scrapbook I've made on my father. Got the call from my cousin that afternoon. Had I not been in CA I would not have attended his funeral November 29 so that was providence, perhaps.

While I was in Grass Valley Steve did something with his friend Kevin, took a ride? He also managed to nearly dissolve an entire candy dish filled with sugar free candies. He would argue about this because in his mind sugar free means unlimited. It does not. Saturday afternoon when I returned I knew he was not "right." That night for the 2nd time only he said he was very sore and I convinced him to take a pain pill to not suffer.

Sunday he awoke terribly grouchy. After I got his breakfast, I went to church in Roseville. I should have driven to my old home church in Auburn. But I was too tired. This is a story for another post. Back to Steve's to fix his lunch he was in worse mood. His blood sugar was high and he needed an insulin shot for the first time. He blamed me for feeding him 1/2 a bagel with lo-fat cream cheese for his breakfast. It wasn't the bagel it was the effect of the day before catching up. His friend Kevin came and Steve ate lunch and glared at me. I left with clothes baskets full to do more laundry--I changed the sheets off his bed and that made one full load. He'd had his dog visiting and she'd gotten in bed with him. His friend Kevin has been keeping his dog. Anyone with good sense would know that is good because all Steve needs is dog hair in his wound. But I have learned that he resented my being there and wanted his dog. Like I needed an animal to care for too--wait a minute I was already being a care giver to an animal as it became clear.

I stayed in the laundry room for over 2 hours. Steve had another friend stop by. When I returned he'd retreated into his bedroom. I went to the store and returned to fix dinner. He wouldn't come out of his room. This was an issue earlier as I refused to serve his food to him in bed. He needs to be somewhat mobile and using the walker from the bedroom to the kitchen table is a good thing, my opinion. It's a bit of exercise and mobility.

I waited and pondered. Finally he came out to the bathroom banging his walker into the walls and cussing. Oh boy, here we go again. But no, he returned to his room. Yelling that stress was increasing his blood sugar. At 6:30PM I knocked on his door and said if he didn't come out to eat I'd throw the rest of the food away as I'd eaten alone.

He came out of his bedroom in a fury--glared at me and told me to get out of his house. He said he'd called Kevin to take him somewhere. Words continued and I told him he was the most ungrateful person I have ever know. I know I called him a few choice names too as I said I would leave finally and was sorry to have caused him turmoil, I'd done my best and only wanted to help.

I called our friends in Newcastle, Kathy & Alex and said I needed help and would they come get me. I was very upset and as I write this it is still rough. I thought of staying in the bedroom and letting it blow over but something (that small voice) urged me to leave. I packed up my suitcases, set them outside his apt. and walked down to the street in the dark to await my friends who were there ASAP. We picked up my bags and they brought me to their home.

My goal had been to endure another week with Steve to get him to apply for Medi-cal on Monday and to his surgeon's appt. on Friday. But it was not to be.

I called Jerry who said I must not go back and was weary hearing this. He knew it might happen. I don't think he ever thought it would be so bad though. He has made me promise that I will not beat myself up. All friends have said the same; I did no wrong, I did all I could.

So I have not heard from Steve or his friends. I will not contact him. He has closed the book and drained the well. There is more to write and more to think about, but suffice it that this has been the worst experience.

Yet I know that God's will is for good and evil cannot overcome it. Yesterday I received a great email from Carlie about the Battle Within which is so appropriate. I'll be posting it on this blog after I get home.

UPDATED

To all who have been with us in prayer and thoughts. Thanks so much and please continue. We are in Newcastle, CA Arrived last Saturday--a week tomorrow. It's better than we first heard with Steve but still a long road ahead. Thankfully he only lost the big toe right foot and the toe next to it. And his spirits are holding up well. I'm a wreck but getting along. Have developed a lousy sore throat for which I swear I will get some Vicks and wrap it tonight. They say that's an old wive's tale, but I think it workd!!

So thankful for friends here who have a place to park our RV and open their home to us.

Jerry will head back to MN next week depends on the weather forecasts. I will stay here in CA for a couple weeks to help Steve as much as I can when he gets out of hospital. He has no insurance and no disability as a part time school district employee. He does not want to relocate to MN but who knows what happens next.

Steve's the messy one (is it Oscar)of the odd couple while I'm the neatnik (FeliX)so I will be taking a rake and shovel to his apt. so I can have some semblance of comfort while holding up here. Pray for patience for me because I don't tolerate messes and dirt.

Hospital staff have been exceptional and he is getting the best of care. We spent yesterday in Woodland with Sandy, my dear friend from the old days of working for EDD. Jerry acquired some woodworking plans from her that belonged to Bob, her partner who passed a couple years ago, and some old hand tools. He's pleased as punch. I questioned if he should take them because Bob could be cantankerous and I swear that sometimes his spirit visits us in MN as Jerry also has Bob's custom leather jacket. Jerry can give me enough "stuff" without help from Bobby's spirit!!

We ate at Morrison's in Woodland for a super birthday lunch for me (yesterday) and her (11-18) delicious and the martini was just what I needed to settle me! For my birthday there was a gorgeous harvest moon---I guess I'll not forget this 64th when I was mooned big time in CA.

But things here are worse than last year--congestion and traffic and on and on. It only confirms that we made the right decision moving. I could not survive this any longer and miss the slow pace of home in MN, Mayberry to which I've adjusted more than I knew.

Well this is the latest and better than expected physically for him but who knows what lies ahead....."yeah, the Shadow?"

LIFE THROWS WHAT IT HAS AT US

WE ARE IN LAS CRUCES NM AT AN RV PARK, SPENDING ANOTHER DAY WAITING OUT BAD WINDS. Yet that is not the worst...we received a bad news phone call from CA -from Kevin our son Steve's friend Sunday night and the news only gets worse from here. Unchecked diabetes. Our big boy is in Sutter hospital in Roseville CA for treatments but now it looks like he will lose a foot. Talked to him this AM and he is very depressed.

We will take all the prayers we can get.

We are backing out of the conference we hoped to attend in Tucson and all other plans. We will proceed to CA. God knows there is nothing we can do but be with him.

Thankful for all the friends there who have stepped up to visit him. This may be the last blog post for several days now. Just when things look ahead---HAH!

Taos and how we arrived

We spent a very long full day here today in Taos, NM which is (was)on my Bucket list. Quite a place, an artists' enclave. Unfortunately the pueblo was closed to visitors today--so too bad for them they missed us!

I purchased a beautiful green pottery bowl from the artist, Mercedes Mercado in her gallery. It called to me--tones of green that are in our library/study at home with impressions of leaves around the bottom and up the sides in burgundy/brown/eggplant tones. And what set it off, pottery intricate beading all along the top rim and around each leaf. It resembles beading on antique silver pieces. I've never seen anything like it. It so called to me that I picked it up. That's a no no in the galleries, but I could not help it. Mercedes came right over to me, "Do you like my work?" How could she tell--only because I was nearly drooling. She told me she worked over two days producing it. Jerry's not as impressed as I am but he knew it would make the rest of the trip with us when he noticed my sighing. The bowl becomes our 41st anniversary bowl!

Other than that I purchased packets of various NM chile, including some from Hatch Valley. I'd had some of it years back from my friend Roberta whose Aunt sent it from Santa FE. The flavor is remarkable unlike any other..

Now yesterday would have been an easy drive from Denver, but noooo. We expected to arrive in Taos about 4:30PM; we did not get here until 10:00PM! CO has become much like CA and more like So. Calif, San Bernardino, etc. Lots of traffic.

For once we were glad to get to NM which is never the state we long to reach on our travels. CO from Denver to NM border is high desert--think NV! So the road to Taos was a nice diversion, into the mts. Everything was going fine. But past Angel Fire, 18 miles from Taos a 4:30PM, we came upon flashing lights & firemen in the road stopping traffic. Volunteer firemen. And there we were stopped.

There had been a fatal automobile vs. motorcycle accident along the road ahead. Guess which one had the fatality? A criminal investigation was underway. They closed all lanes so we sat for what was estimated two hours. Now this was a two lane mt. road. We in our RV bus with tow vehicle could not turn around and go back anywhere unlike the cars which did so. Ahh well, that's the great thing about the motor home--we have all the amenities so we could sit and relax. We were thankful we'd not been involved in this accident. Two hours later there we still sat. The volunteer firemen were trying to make the best of a bad situation too--they wanted to go home. We served them coffee and cookies which they appreciated. Then word came, "another two hours." Well still not much we could do..wait it out. I napped. Then the worst news came, "road will be closed indefinitely." Not good.

A highway patrol officer advised that perhaps they could let us proceed to the top of the mt. where there was a turn out which would afford us the chance to turn around and return back from whence we came. By this time it was pitch dark! They gave Jerry a ride up the hill to check it out. He decided we would proceed there and spend the night--the road would be open in the morning. I was ready to give up on Taos this trip. But we drove slowly up the hill--many switchbacks on this mt. rd. We pulled into the turn out to settle down for the night--it was now 9:10PM. Then the highway patrol officer knocked on our door announcing, "Good news. The road has just been opened, proceed to Taos." Well we were relieved but it still took another 50 minutes on a windy road, max speed barely 15 mph at times. And that is how we arrived 6 hours later than planned. But still safe.

This is a unique picturesque area of NM. Yet we must be in accident land--we saw 3 fender benders today on the pueblo road. For a town with a resident population of 6000 and innumerable tourists during the season, there is a disproportionate number of vehicle accidents. Taos is reportedly ripe with Indian spirits--perhaps the spirits dislike man's rubber wheel horses.

Traveling email address

Not sure what our local ISP--Ace has done this time....but while we are on the road please use our traveling email address which is
morrisonsRV08@myrvspace.com

I have to call ACE tomorrow as they seem to have disconnected all my email--dang. I want to be able to access it via the web but they've messed up again.

Sometimes the locals with the MN nice are too dumb to know what they don't know.

I think from now on it's just easier to go with the RVspace.com.

Yesterday we saw the magnificent Red Rocks and the ampitheater where there have been many world famous musical performances from John Tesh to Nat King Cole to opera to Grateful Dead. Nature's acoustics. Fascinating and gorgeous, when we get better set up will try to post photos. Unbelievable majesty--and interesting history. The ampitheater was a 1938 CCC project. Too bad we can't do things like that today but the attitudes of folks have so changed--no one wants to work like they did then. And of course we have too much $$ handed to people so why should they work for anything? Ahh get off that soapbox...we are different but not better today as a society.

We are on our way to the AF Academy & Taos NM today...on the road again.

We are in Denver

We've had the best travel weather...arrived Denver Thursday afternoon. This was our first trip along I 76 off I 80 toward Denver--the area looks like NV or WY all along there--high desert...yuk.

Denver itself is another big city--lots of yuppie stuff, people eating at all the outside tables in the restaurants during this nice warm spell., unusually warm for Halloween. About 76 degrees. But the cold is on the way. We are visiting Jerry's sister and her sig. other. Downside--bunch of Obamanites....which most of Denver appears to be. This place reminds me of So. CA, shootings every day, crime, etc. Not for us. Two shootings of trick or treaters last night. Traffic all over and just like CA. Glad to head off.

Only one incident as we took the too early off ramp to get to the RV Park which is also a senior citizen (or as they say here, older peoples) mobile home park. One exit too soon had us in the worst skid row area--actually there are lots of those in Denver. Thank God Jerry is such an excellent driver with our big bus and towing the truck--somehow he maneuvered us through and out of there safely. Well we almost took some one's antenna along with us which was hanging outside their trailer---oh what a siege. I sat quietly panicking and whimpering in the passenger seat and wished I'd brought along my rosary beads. But we made it, so hope that's the big deal for this trip! I was looking at the GPS and the directions and saw the wrong off ramp, so told him, "take this one!" Wouldn't that be the time he listens to me--usually not so! Husbands! Well, you didn't think I'd admist it was my fault did you!

We leave tomorrow for the AF Academy and onward.

On the Road and a new way to thumb.

We are on the RV road again working our way toward Tucson, AZ via Denver, CO and NM. Will be in Tucson from 11-4 through 11-14 at an AWON conference. Then on through NM, to Oklahoma City then Branson, MO and places along the way. The weather will determine some of our routes. We are flexible with dates this trip except for the Tucson commitment. Meantime as we have Internet connectivity will update right here. Most of my friends know to hold off emails.

To keep my brain twisting yesterday I bit the bullet and "invested" in a Blackberry. Oh woe is me! I'd retired from the state about two months ahead of mandatory manager tethering to blackberries and avoided that pain.

The two year+ old cell phone was falling apart so action was needed. I have learned that is about their life expectancy. And the granddaughter really laughed at the old phone in July. That probably led to it's demise, being laughed at. But while it was working it was fine with me. When the screen fell out and the number keys refused to work, it was time.

Two weeks ago I'd traded up to another cell phone, a cute little pink Motorola Razr, after being blackberry tempted. I didn't want to fuss with all that extra stuff and above all I didn't want to spend that extra $$. But the cute pink did not get good reception and that was right at home. When Jerry used it and it cut out on him he decided it just would not do! We couldn't take that on the road. So yesterday as the cold north wind blew in MN and the first white flakes shed we spent the day at the Alltel stores and back and forth!

The technician explained that no new phone would work like our old Nokia. I recognize this, a way to part us from our $$. When I asked him could I have my old one back dead keys and all he really laughed. I mean why mess with success. He went on to explain that Nokia had made the very best phones, but now with progress and texting, email on the phone, etc, the only way to go was Blackberry. All I really care about is a working long distance phone! That's my main use for the cell. I never use all my minutes. I don't need to text anybody and I don't need to have email access 24/7. But here we were back to the blackberry with guaranteed best reception. So after agonizing, weeping and groaning with my head down on the techie's desk, I bit on the blackberry. Jerry said, "It's up to you. It's only money." that from him, the original tightwad unless he's buying electronics or big motor homes.

So now I'm the proud owner of Pearl--that's her name. Teeny keys! A keyboard like the computer--BUT--no way can I simply type. One must use thumbs. He assures me I'll get used to this! This is torture for someone who types automatically and does not look at the keyboard. Suddenly I must stare at this keyboard and thumb it! I find myself moving my fingers across an imaginary keyboard in my head and then looking at Pearl's keys. I'd never have though it so difficult to stare at a tiny keyboard. I remember my high school typing teacher calling out "asdf jkl;" I know the keyboard! Where in the blazes did the letters go!

I now begin to understand why spelling and writing have become lost arts. This thing offers words when only two or three letters are entered. No thinking about how to spell the word, just read it and roll the cursor to select it. And thumbing has brought the need to shorten the text. It took me quite some time to update a few addresses. Even more time to go through the tutorial entering small words like, "the brown fox." Frustrating to have your screen flash, "incorrect,try again." Well this will keep me very entertained in the passenger's side.

Pearl's reception is very good. I dismantled my email function on her because just between the two Alltel stores, a distance of 4 blocks, I received 10 emails. When emails arrive, Pearl shimmies. I'll not be using all my minutes on that. Although the techie assures me that I have plenty of minutes, I can be on email for hours so I'll not be blackberry mailing. Well maybe a limited few along the road. That is if I can get used to thumbing!

Did it again

I could not resist--just like Paul's line in Romans 7:15, "the things I don't want to do I do and the things I want to I don't" or something like that. Ancient words still fit today! This past weekend at the La Crosse quilt show, I gave in and added to my collection. (See back in my blog where I swear NO MORE STUFF! (I think I left a loophole for myself that if it really catches my eye, I can consider.

I could not resist this witchy woman. Look at her, on the broom with the cat at her side. Right now she is lonesome in our dining room. The only witch (unless I'm really in a mood!) and the only Halloween representative. We are leaving Wednesday and won't be home over Halloween so I haven't decorated with any of my other trinkets.

Looking so forward to this trip, but the down side is no fall decor to the house, inside or out. Well I did plant 3 orange mums that are blooming in the flower box, but that's it. Around here folks do decorate for Halloween and I love that so I do too.

On Laurie's blog I saw some great Halloween napkins that I'd just love to have --they say "Broom Rides 50 cents" How cool! I'm tempted to take Witchy Woman along in the motor home, but I think there would be objections from Jerry who wonders why I haul stuff like her around to our traveling teddy bears who rule the RV and would certainly object to another creature horning in. Although they have accepted our dual Christmas reindeer (on the windows) who travel year round. So I will enjoy her while we are here and then pack her away until next year.

Fall colors and changing weather

This summer when the kids visited everything was green. What's that song ...",,green green green they say on the far side of the hill, green green I'm going away to where the grass is greener still." Who sang it--now I'll have that ear worm till I remember. And that will probably be in the middle of the night.

Here it is end of October and we've been enjoying the sweep of fall color changes before the trees undress for the winter. I really enjoy living here, watching the seasons change. What I've noticed though is this year we didn't get as many magnificent oranges and reds; maybe it just wasn't cold enough earlier in the fall when we were still enjoying 80 degrees. Just two weeks ago it seemed all trees along the river turned mustard yellow overnight. Likely it didn't happen overnight, but that's how I noticed it. Now, seems we've progressed to brighter hues but the leaves will be falling. Two years ago the colors were more vibrant. Our burgundy red maple out back is still keeping her leaves.

But a cold wind blows now, giving me that fall face tingle and tint. This phenomena would be otherwise known as "chapped cheeks" and reminds me promptly to add moisturizer. It doesn't matter if I'm just trotting to the mail box or off to Curves or doing gardening chores. I need to protect my skin. I've noticed some women who have lived here have very tough looking skin from the winds and perhaps the summer suns. I'd like to keep mine soft and as wrinkle free as it is holding. So I moisturize and sunblock when I venture out to trim perennials and rose branches.

Yesterday I was about that business and picked my last rose bouquet for the year. I've posted a photo alongside my blog. It shows the ruffly open flower of Soaring Spirits alongside Love with tight buds of Betty Boop in the background. Soaring spirits is right outsde our closet window and has put on quite the show all year. Had to cut it back as the canes were too tall to fit into it's box for winter. My favorite Betty Boop bush is still blooming but she will have to stop too. Jerry has built styrofoam houses for Betty and her next door neighbor "Soaring Spirits." Both bushes and others in the rose garden are from my favorite hybridizer, Tom Carruth of Weeks Roses.

In 2005, the first year we were fully here for the fall and winter we had roses blooming until November. I had an arrangement on the Thanksgiving table that made me feel like back in CA. There the roses grew year round and had to be forced into dormancy by December and January pruning. Here rose goring's easier. Jerry mulches with many piles of ground leaves which he accumulates daily from our trees shedding onto the lawns. It's a process but his fall chore. I have only to trim the longest rose branches so they do not break when the winter winds blow. Otherwise, MN rose growing is easier than CA. Nothing to do until after the snow melts in the spring. Then it's take off the mulch and trim and prune. CA was year round work. Here we get the winter off!

The vibrant fall colors attract me. I love the tones. There are some magnificent views I cannot get photo shots of--like along I#90 coming from La Crosse to La Crescent. the bluffs are magnificent in gold, green, red, umber, orange, burgundy, mustard and all similar shades. There's no walkway on that interstate bridge and no way to pull over to just shoot photos. This has been a challenge I face every year. So perhaps tomorrow I'll wander down to the Lock and Dam and shoot some of the hills and bluffs from there again. Still it's not the same. But it will have to do!

A Bold Fresh Piece of Humanity Bill O'Reilly

Last night I closed out my latest read, Bill O'Reilly's "A Bold Fresh Piece of Humanity." It is so O'Reilly and reads as if he is sitting right there in front of you, just as we see him on TV. An interesting read and in parts typical O'Reilly where he gets a bit full of himself, but that's O'Reilly!

I relate to lots of his background and principles. This is not a touchy feely book nor does it contain anything about his wife, family today. He keeps his privacy. But he discusses his parents and his blue collar home and how he developed his personality. And amazing to me he retained it and still does. Perhaps we don't really change as much as we think we do?

This book is about why he is how he is today and why he believes in his purpose of exposing the bad guys. I applaud O'Reilly's endless search for child abusers and those who let them walk. I know a bit about that horror and I say "Go Bill!" He grew up with life as we had in the 50's and 60's, playing games and sports in the streets, friends in the small town neighborhood. He attended Catholic schools, and worked his way through colleges. His family did not discuss things to death or psychoanalyze. There were no questions to the ruling adults by the munchkins. It was the way things were, period. He was not given any big breaks nor silver spoons and his success today is admirable.

I'd recommend it to O'Reilly fans and to those who tune him in occasionally. I know some just can't take him and that's OK. Your entitled to your opinion and all that.

Last night though, providence was at work. I needed to read about bad guys and that's how Bill closes this book. Good timing. Those who know me well are aware of the sordid details of how my ex-half-brother connived and stole the inheritance that Mom wanted split 50/50 in her will. He's in PA and had his name put on her accounts for accommodation--in PA that meant he got it all, despite the will. Mom had Alzheimers and I was in CA. I thought I could trust him. I thought she was making it up when she accused him of stealing. I guess she knew more than I could believe. I was wrong and yet I did the best I could across the country. Big misteak to trust.

I refer to him as ex-half-brother because I have written him off. I will not speak his name. That's how I am when I'm finished. It's my defense mechanism. His actions at Mom's death, funeral and subsequently proved one of Maya Angelou's axioms, "when people show you who they are, believe them the first time." Too bad I didn't believe that earlier, but I was a trusting person. If you can't trust family, who; he interpreted it if you can't screw family who? That's when I get in trouble, ignoring intuition or giving the benefit of the doubt to a sucker. Well, it's a write off and I would not want to be him or them. It might not reach payback in this lifetime but eventually it will. And as Bill writes in this book, do good and a knight will come along. It will work out.

Well last night my ex-sister in law sent me an email in what I perceived as a feeble attempt to connect. God and the Devil alone know why--there is nothing more they can take from me. But they are conniving; likely now have their eyes on my aunt and uncle's estates in PA. But hah, this will be the last laugh--I have protected myself and the aunt and uncle, The connivers will not prosper in that effort. I do not respond to them because I know they are up to no good--that's just what they are, liars, connivers and thieves. Best to just avoid.

What struck me was Bill's summation about bad guys. It's a Catholic thing, now I realize after Bill explained it, to know the difference between good and bad and to recognize evil exists. On page 245 he writes, "..when someone you know does something bad, beware. Don't just over look it...even if you're not the target of the bad stuff....in the end, a deeply flawed person, one who embraces and excuses bad behavior will get around to hurting you..The scorpion will sting because it's his nature. Have no doubt." And that is the truth--my ex-family is the living proof.

Other neat phrases are on Page 96. From The Good, the Bad and the Ugly "When you have to shoot, shoot. Don't talk." That's what's astray today, we talk everything to death! And page 98, "...you can't save everyone. You can give people opportunities, you can try to help them, but some will not success for a variety of reasons." Amen to that. It's balm for parents who watch their kids fade from where they should be.

So here I share with you a good quick read. Pick up the O'Reilly book. As Bill closes, if you don't like it tell your enemies to buy it. That's his off handed humor. Something for everyone.