It is painful but I tossed it

Box of sorted card fronts

I continue trying to purge, clutter and accumulations.  This is a painful activity for me but beyond necessary.   After all I realize I will never do anything with these card fronts despite carefully sorting them into categories.  Who am I kidding, just me.  So off into the recycle trash bin they went this morning, years of card fronts, beauties some of these,  Yet?   Who cares?

My list and tabs

Nowadays we receive far fewer Christmas cards, the tradition of annual communication and catch up, well wishes has been replaced by instant Facebook.  The old timers have died,  even contemporaries have died.  Recently a friend who sent her annual card with her note of summary for 2019 posted a humbug when I said I am not sending Christmas cards this year.  Yet her news was all stuff we all know from FB.  Those who seldom communicate with us are few.

Card kept cards tossed

 After all,  stamps are 55 cents, and people are all on Facebook except for a few my last luving aunt, widow of my late Uncle Henry in CA.   I will send a card to her and to a few cousins mostly to let everyone know we are still alive here in the MN arctic and to wish a Merry Christmas.   Funny in past years when we did not receive a card, we wondered what might have happened?  Today as I mentioned we are in touch, mostly instantly.  Last year a cousin's card returned as undeliverable, tried to call but the phone # we had was disconnected, no word from any of their adult children scattered around the country.  Would have thought if something happened to one of them the other would let us know, but nothing.  Both were older, aren't we all?  Both were not real well, yet?   Tried to reach their youngest son who lived in same area of TX but no luck.  So we presume they are dead?

Our tree 2019 with vintage ornaments

Over years, I did enjoy writing about our travels, our year and sending cards, , now it feels like a drudge, so I give up.  I have some placemats made in .CA from old cards, laminated carefully and mounted on cardstock placemat size.  I considered making more from these cards but again my ideas exceed my executions.  And even if I did waste my time and money doing so what would I do with them?  I no longer know people who would enjoy, use or cherish them,  So out they go,  yes it troubles me but yet I must get a grip & be realistic.  Life is not what I imagined it would be, these days I remain amused at what I thought.  It is not so.  Lately I lament lack of hope, then kick myself with a reminder, life still holds hope always, all  ways and how dare I feel pathetically sorry for myself, reflect on blessings stand on faith and accept.  Enough...

Thanksgiving over, progress, vicissitudes

Pilgrims on dining room sideboard

Another Thanksgiving  has gone and although it was just the two of us here, so unlike the crowds I cooked for and we hosted for so many years in CA and even here in earlier years of our retirement, when we look at all we have been thorough the past year with Jerry's continued healing and some setbacks, we are grateful. This year instead of the ready meal from the Festival market I decided to cook a turkey breast, it was almost 5# and I have no idea where they grow these huge turkeys but it was delicious.  Enough to rerun Thanksgiving yesterday and lots more left for sandwiches the next few days, perfect.  

Onto my FB I shared a photo from Uncle Carl in 1982 in Avonmore, PA when they were

hunting turkeys, I do not know who are the men, some of his hunting buddies.  I always thought this would make a Thanksgiving card with an appropriate verse but as with most of my thoughts I have never completed the execution. Yesterday though I spent the day taking down the full array of autumnal decor and clearing the way for whatever I will do to display Christmas this year.  I am  proud of myself for tossing an entire huge box of floral pics that I do not use, actually I drove them to Goodwill couple weeks back.  So I have now put the miscellany into a large Samsonite suitcase in the downstairs closet.  It was just taking up space but now contains the fall floral, leaves, some knick knacks, etc and to remind myself lest I forget by next year I taped a note to the outside of the suitcase as well as inside the door in the closet next to it.  In short I got things better organized and shed some stuff, including 3 bags of foam brought from my late aunt's in PA and a sack of misc clothing clippings that I always thought I would make into quilts, including snap pockets off a few of Jerry's old western wool shirts.  While in the mood to toss, I had Jerry take me to the dump to dispose of along with a roll of carpet pad he had saved in the garage for something sometime.  The recycler refused to take the roll of padding and I did not want to return it to a shelf.  Little by little, too little, too late I am making downsize progress.  Things I had envisioned other uses for.  But life is not what I thought.

Today the word vicissitude came to mind and I feel this is appropriate for this stage of our lives.  Changes that require alterations and adjustments.  That is  the situation here.  

Jerry is now weaning completely off the prednisone that the Rochester doctors have had him on since May.  It helped rebuild his stamina, endurance, appetite but time to decrease.  And this has been a gradual decrease in dosage designed to not give adverse side effects, yet his body is resisting and reacting.  As one of the Rochester geniuses said, "he is an enigma..." Lately he's endured increased sporadic coughing episodes causing his ribcage to become sore where the rib was removed for the operation.  While the surgeon had predicted it might take a year, the pneumonia set back in March complicated that so now we hope we are out of the woods.  . Last night, November 29 perhaps the corner has been turned, he did not have the  bad continuous retching coughing.  It is almost fearful to say, things are better, yet so they seem and we are grateful.  

We have a retirement party to go to, an open house at the event center today for our friend who has been our postal carrier all these years.  She has carefully planned to reitre at age 60.  I did the same.  Wow it has now been 15 years for me.  Our weather is dismal, overcast, cold, windy, some rain, some snow predicted tomorrow.  All around a too early winter.  

Facebook also reminded me that it has only been 4 years ago that Carlie and I were in Prague, and on our Christmas Markets sailing the Danube adventure.  Now she has been gone for a year, another life event never expected but to be endured.  Vicissitudes, changes, alterations. 

Me and Carlie November 2015 Prague
at a local basement Czech dinner

,I dare not complain, some have it far worse and this all too shall pass. "If you do  not like things that have happened at least stop, pause and be grateful for things that could have happened and didn't, you are better off." Just like everything. It seems that lately I have more memories than occasions making new ones, this is aging.   

More on turkeys and snow

our front drive and footsteps of
newspaper deliverer

Backyard icy driplets on clothes line

We had an overnight  wet snow just as has been forecast.  Thankful we do not have to be out and about traveling in it.  On the other hand sure do wish we did not live in weather that keeps winter for so long.  But here we are, where MN/WI are behaving like MN/WI, it is just weather.  It was not much maybe slight 2 inches, but it was wet, heavy, messy. And the winds that are increasing this afternoon are viciously icy.  Last night rain first and then snow took over right as the forecast.  Sure wish it had skirted us.  So I grumbled, shared some pics on FB, sighed as I knew I would have to suit up and shovel.  Jerry cannot and will not be doing any of that, and so a task for self. I hear my late aunt say, "just be thankful you are strong and able" and I try to be thankful for that.  

Just yesterday I had cleaned the kitchen and entryway floors  and shaken out the throw rugs, hung them over the clothes line.  Would not do that today, sigh.  Thankfully I ran a couple local errands just around town yesterday and was feeling quite satisfied with myself that I did not have to go out there, not even a grocery store run.  I filled the loaner car up with gas, anticipating returning it to dealer Friday and retrieving my Caddy.  We will see.  So just as I pulled on my mittens because it is an icy wind blowing out there, I heard machinery and hooray!  Our plow guy had arrived.  Usually he does not show up for minor snows but I sure was glad to see him and stuck my head out to say so.  He said there was not much snow but it was wet.  And since I was dressed I ventured out the back door from the garage and cleared but a small path.  Keeping my snow shoveling skills intact, likely to need them again this winter.   Between his small bobcat and his shovel it took him no time.  So begins another white winter, sigh...where is all that climate change, global warming, blather, bring it on.  I remember a couple years here when I could wear sandals and capris at Thanksgiving, not this year.  But then I remember one year that my late cousin, Rollie,  got snow stormed driving back to Madison, WI after spending Thanksgiving here with us.   

Front house drive and sidewalk all cleared

 

Rummaging through some old Ideals, a magazine I used to enjoy and now have relegated to a stack on the shelf alongside  my PC, I noticed  3 editions dedicated just to Thanksgiving.  I recalled how I used to  use these and include a poem from one with Thanksgiving Day cards.  This year sent not one card, instead FB conveys my greetings.  But then as I have mentioned hardly anyone to send cards to, relatives and closest frineds are  dead.  Times change and we adjust.  Although I do admire the eagle and am fortunate to live in an area where  there are plentiful eagles and sightings, I was amused to find this by Ben Franklin,  apparently he felt a turkey would be a better symbol.  As the  political nonsense of lame demnoncrats continues in DC, I have to agree, they would denigrate this country to turkey status if they and their supporters had their way.  We can be Thankful so far that has not happened.  

Soon Thanksgiving and the turkeys are just out

Pilgrims on the sideboard

This year I did not do my traditional busy work of decorating  for early fall, then Halloween and then Thanksgiving instead scaled down to only a fall decor. I have been otherwise busy trying to get the last of leaves raked and dumped down the hill ahead of the imminent storms and time dwindles.  Besides with only the two of us and no guests, it does not seem as important.  Still I have the decor and can only use it once a year and I do enjoy it.  So  this weekend I realized it was time to get the pilgrims out and the turkeys.  Not all of my collections and a few more went to Goodwill along with another box of big artificial floral decors that I no longer want.  When I decide these days to donate, get rid of anything it has to go immediately or else I will set it aside and  then keep it until?  That way I do not allow myself to keep stuff.  My attempts to down load and off load continue. 

Some of the living room  mantle decor

Downstairs window sill, TV room

 Recently an old friend mentioned by email that he, at age 83 has discontinued collecting anything and mentioned his former collections of matchbooks, lighters, etc.  I replied the same and yet, I miss going to estate sales, auctions, etc and scooping up the bargains.  But it is a time of life that I must stop and say, "what for, why, you have more than enough and someday someone will just dump it all  anyway." I have a hard time shedding stuff especially when I remember the story connected to it, how I acquired it or who gave it to me, or how it might have been used.  I think about my late aunt and uncle both of whose  homes I had to have cleared to sell and settle their estates.  Uncle Carl would go up to his upstairs and sit amidst so many of his  memories, photos, trophies from hunts, etc.  It gave him comfort remembering through the objects.  I do the same now.  Is it genetic?  I really wish that I had some one interested in taking some of these collections and appreciating them but things are different today.  Life did not  turn out the way I thought it would and so  adjustments and acceptance mean moving along as best we can with what we have.  Jerry has always thought I make too much work for myself with decorating for the seasons, but I suppose it is a hold over from days past when we used to entertain, host gatherings.  That no longer happens most all the relatives have died as have old friends and we no longer live near anyone.  Here people seldom just drop in so when I decorate it is just for us.  

I have inherited turkey salt and peppers from MIL and late aunts as well as some trinkets and ones I carefully purchased over the years.  Here in the collage are but a few.  They will be in place until this coming weekend after Thanksgiving when back in the box they go and back in the closet.  I am not ready to part with my turkeys, not yet, maybe not ever.  None of my collections are made in China, many are antique and several are hand painted.  MIL had the set top left in the collage and I remember their appearance at Thanksgiving tables when she cooked and we went to Riverside.  She did use them as salt and pepper shakers but I do not.  I merely display them, they are very worn, the paint is almost gone in parts, well used.  Imagine the tales they have hears and seen over so many years.  I know it is only stuff but to me it brings memories and so I get them out even for a short time and appreciate them.  

Update yesterday & snow

Garage adjustment accomplished

Well the Garage adjustment is minor, the technician arrived today and had to only tighten a bolt, phew, relief.  While he is here, Jerry asked him to fully replace the bottom seal which is now underway.  Really recommend this company, Garage Systems of Lacrosse, reliable, responsive and Reasonable.  Very fortunate.  We had them out once before for fine tuning. 

You can see by the photos that yesterday's snow remains.  At barely 30 degrees today, despite sunshine we are not melting.  I did not finish shoveling the driveway yesterday nor the front walk.  With 20 something degrees over night it stuck. 

My XT 5 Cadillac

Now if the top antenna is minor on the XT ,  is it too much to hope?  Jerry checked it out and says appears to be an eady fix.  However we have yet to go to the Dealer.  Yesterday I generally was down on myself, moping and wondering what is wrong with me.  Jerry is probably right, I am over doing, must slow it down from my warp speed.  My friends agree and on FB several shared similar experience, it is reassuring to not be unique.  Misery really does love ccompany.  Yet I am known for 2 speeds, on or off, no in-between.  I have lived, thrived, as a juggler, multi tasker, attributes that contributed to achievements and success in my career days.  Today, I say to myself, "OK Self, you have done it this time.  Listen up, slower.  Remember you are no longer, 50, 60 nor even 70 years old,  remember that Self."   This is sobering because in a week I will be marking natal day at 75% of a century.  Often people cannot believe I am that age, because I am in good shape and my Polish genes look good.  But it is true and I acknowledge my stamina is less than it used to be.  Life is a challenge and getting old is not for sissies.   I copied the meme below from another friend on FB.

Wisdom of ages and wondering

2008  Uncle Carl and Aunt Jinx on his porch

Lately I seem to be channeling the sayings of my passed on relatives, especially my late Uncle Carl, whose advice to me was something he lived by, "Take it as it comes"  and "I am not gonna' worry about that."  And then there was my late Aunt Jinx, " Just be glad you are strong enough to work."  Mom's brother and sister who outlived her although she was the baby of the family, but that whole story would get me off track for this post.  I have been trying to write this for over a week but never have time, time is a premium to me.  

My grandma's antique hand washer
 at foot of stairs, fall decor

Now that Jerry is so limited,  well really he can do hardly anything, I have his chores along with mine which were always never ending.  Some days I get so weary.  The life we are living today, is certainly nothing we expected nor would have chosen, but it is what it is and all we can do is our best to go along.  I have given up decorating for both Halloween and Thanksgiving this year and chose only an autumn decor.  I used to love to change the holiday house decorations, but today, I have neither the energy nor the desire to engage there, too much else keeps me very occupied from morning until night.  Somedays by night I am beyond exhausted and yet somehow I still keep going.  It is then I hear Jinx, "be glad you are strong...."    So sometimes I get so annoyed with myself, for grumbling, whining to me.  I know there is so much to be thankful for, yet life feels overwhelming.

First snow 11-6 out living room window

Our back deck covered 11-6

 I have taken several days to write this latest lament, we had our first snow, far too early for me, last night.   I dread winter arriving this early.  It is bitter cold to me at  34 degrees out there today and yet I know that soon that will be considered a higher temperature.  This wintry stuff is why I did not want to move here when we retired but other life considerations won out and so here we are.  It was tolerable when we could migrate south for the winter and  enjoy with RV friends at rallies and in warmth.  But there again, life has changed and  so we cannot look back only be present and be grateful.  So I tell me. Yesterday Jerry and I went to Sam's, it was his first trip there in many months and he did fine and seemed to enjoy walking around.  He drove the truck so we could haul bags of water softener salt.  Each bag is 44 pounds and  dead weight that I cannot manage.  But he was able to lift the bags into our cart.  Previously I had the check out get the bags for me and load them into the car.  Yesterday we only got help loading them into the back of the truck.  When we got home he drove the truck around to the back walkout door and I hauled them into the well cellar by the water softener using a small dolly.  Was feeling that we had truly accomplished something, we have a supply now that should last all winter.  But last night I began to fret about the snow forecast and early this morning about 4:00AM I looked outside and sure enough white. Today was the day to set out the recycle bin so I dreaded that but decided to shovel the  step and clear a path to back out my car then take the bin down the drive for pick up.  Jerry though he might get the leaf blower out and blow some snow but it was too wet and heavy.  

Anyway I made enough progress and then decided to back out the car and let the rest of the snow set or wait to see if  our snow removal guy would be around today.  When I came into the garage IO did not raise the door all the way.  I went into the house for a potty stop and came out and began to back up when my XT5  alerted me by buzzing my seat and showing an indicator on the dash screen that I was backing up, fortunately slowly but not before I heard  a thump.  Good grief, I had forgotten that I had not fully opened the garage door.  But  I pulled in then raised it then backed out and dreaded what I saw as I took the recycle bin down the drive.  My roof antenna had been broken loose.  Lately I feel that there is a demon lurking here because if it were not for bad luck I would have none at all.  I want that sense of joy, peaceful heart that I used to have, really I did.  Where did it go?  

  Only been a month now since my last harrowing, well darned inconvenient,  escapade where unbeknownst to me I drove over fresh high way paint and spattered my  passenger side.  My XT5 Cadillac SUV only has 5,000 miles on it and is just barely a year old.  We bought it new last year.  Long story short all is fixed and the comprehensive insurance covered the body shop charges except for our deductible.  Although a siege and regrettable all was well that ended well.  I drove Jerry's truck while my SUV was being made  new.  So my escapade today finds me really whacking myself upside my head.  Am I becoming stupid, careless, or is there a curse haunting me?.  Jerry says I have taken on too much since he has been ill and I know I have, but that does not justify this stuff.  This will require another trip to the dealer and fortunately an adjustment to the garage door only.  It could have been so far worse, yet needed this like another hole in my head.  Jerry tells me to slow down, that I have too much happening in my head at once and reminds me I am not in my 50's or 60's and infact I will soon be 75, goodness 3/4 of a century!.  

Tomorrow November 7 will be one year since Jerry's successful lung cancer surgery.  I used to love November, my birthday month, the 13th.  But anymore I just do not know.  My last best friend Carlie died last November suddenly, unexpectedly, inoperable un-treatable, fatal fast lung cancer diagnosed when Jerry was undergoing his tests.  She did not make it.  I miss her, especially not being able to talk with her on the phone as we did weekly.  .  .So November, which is my natal month holds trepidation and here I go again.  Am I becoming overly  superstitious in my aging?    Is there an evil demon too near, have my guardian angels gone on vacation, if my prayers and faith are protecting me, just imagine how much worse it can be?  

Heed Uncle Carl's saying, "Take it as it comes...""""  And Biblical, "it came to pass.."  not to stay, I tell me. 

Weather or not it is

This was a wonderful portrayal of fall in the local newspaper last week, I shared it on my FB page.  But this week our weather turned overnight as it often can do here in MN.  There is truth in what the former old timers said, "if you don't like the weather just wait a day or less and it will change.."  So it happened here and although I am fond of four seasons and changes I no longer look forward to winter, it is too long and cold.  I did not mind it so much when we could travel south in our motor home, but this year again that will not be as Jerry still has not regained  full strength and stamina and needs  supplemental oxygen.  

October 6, our back deck corner

On October 6, it  continued with wonderful sun shiny warmth, in fact the thermometer on our back deck registered 90 at 5:00PM as this photo shows.  Well it wasn't that warm but that little corner of the deck accumulates the heat.  It was however a wonderful day, perfect for me to do outside gardening, my all purpose word for all the outdoor work I do, ranging from weeding, trimming, hauling, tidying, etc.  A change was imminent, the weather showed a  storm moving across Montana and snow predicted.  But at least  all we would get would be rain, not that we need more because we have had plenty, too much for the farmers to harvest. 

Me and my shadow Oct 6

 
We have had too much rain early in spring and now again, late planting and  some devastation for harvest.  Apples are running behind and this is prime apple season here, normally.  But for me as long as I get those sun shine days, I plod along and can manage to retain optimism and smiles.  

The  new trees all in a row and one pine stump left behind

We have had several major projects over the past months, having the entire exterior of our house painted, clearing away old lanky, spindly, pine trees gone bad out back along the back hillside, behind the garden.  Then beginning replacement landscaping with s one row of 6 ft. arbor vitae  before winter.  Phew, $$  that is all it takes, but so it goes, a joy of home ownership and  we are blessed to be able to afford the upkeep.  The landscape efforts were huge tasks and  even if Jerry were well we would have hired these done, but at least he would have overseen the efforts.  Not so  now, he  stays inside mostly and has to accept the outcomes.  Fortunately we have good trustworthy  workers who run reliable local businesses.  They are the kind we count on as do many around here, solid working folks.   

 The landscape efforts deserve their own blog post but for now, here is one photo of the back side  and the  new trees along with the fill dirt and  landscape net/hay/grass seed.  These efforts have me wishing I were bigger, stronger, taller, etc and often that I had more than two hands.  I recall several times, when I was a teenager and busy into things and had to choose one activity over another, I would lament to my Mother, " I wish I were twins...then I could do both."  Today I wish I were twins so I could get work done faster or more done in a day than I can solitary. But I am not twins, I am only me,  and at least I am blessed with good health, endurance and enjoyment of outside work.  Many others would like to do but are unable and worse, there are those who are too lazy to enjoy this activity.

Pinot Grigio wine and molasses cookies. 

A big benefit I gain is the ability to work and enjoy my treats without gaining weight.  And after a full day of work along with a morning  workout at the Y, I  treat myself to a nice wine and some bites.    It keeps my metabolism going to burn up calories and  many days I burn more than I consume. 

I just had all my medical  blood tests and got excellent results, so although I may grumble, and I sure do at times, wishing for help,  I am staying healthy.  And with being the primary support person here at home often today, that is a blessing.  And after all life is only what we make of it.  We cannot always  be sure what it will throw our way, but we can try to keep ourselves  as well prepared as possible to handle the tossings.  

Even the weather, yesterday we had our first flurries of snow mixed in with the cold wet rain.  Today it is only about 47 degrees and the cold winds have diminished, but I have kept busy inside.  Yesterday the same, as I changed the bed sheets to flannel, did laundry, domestic chores and even decorated some for fall.  When it is not sunshine outside, we can bring it inside with warmth and autumnal colors.  

This stunning arrangement came from our Festival market but it does brighten the living room on the coffee table.  An advantage of  a home, always something somewhere to keep me busy, maybe not what I want to do, but compared to others, I will take it. 

Autumnal bouquet

Living room coffee table with fall decor

One  part of the mantle with autumnal sprays

Only the oldsters get the benefit $$

Here is a head shaker for today.  

We still subscribe to the daily local newspaper, Lacrosse Tribune because Jerry wants a morning paper with his coffee.  So far delivery is going ok, although from time to time that is another aggravation source.  The price has risen over the years, but as I said, he likes his morning newspaper, worthless as it is some days.  We pay quarterly and I noticed on the latest invoice that if we switched to monthly, allowing them to automatically debit our card, it would be cheaper, about $5 per month,  That just doesn't seem right to me, usually paying ahead is a greater discount.  So this morning I went over to their office in Lacrosse, since I was at the Y.  Years ago my neighbor told me to always go over there to get a better deal.  I didn't believe it  but she was right.  Rather than clicking online or calling their 800 number and getting a no English speaking person, so I stop in.  Fortunately we still have the luxury of a local newspaper  office, wonder for how long though because the paper is now printed in Madison, WI.  But it remains the LaCrosse Tribune.  

Today I wanted to find out if it is really cheaper month to month then we will switch back to that.  I guess I am cheap, but us retirees gotta watch out for our $$.🤣

Yes, cheaper monthly that way, BUT as always happens, there was a cheaper yet deal. If we pay for the year, it is cheapest,  works out that we save the cost of a full quarter.  That offer is not available online nor by calling the 800 number.  Go figure.  So of course, that's the option I selected. 

Got home & told Jerry how much I saved, $61.  Also the desk clerk told me that most people pay no attention,  just as long as they can use their plastic charge cards, guess they are happy.  She told me, not to be insulting, but only us old folks are predominantly the only ones who come into the office to pay or inquire, so the local office has negotiated ability to offer greater discounts.  Hah, but only us geezers will benefit!  The rest are too busy to pay attention.  These are the same people who never have a couple bucks cash but use plastic for  the smallest purchases everywhere, every time and glower at the likes of me digging cash out of my purse when they are behind me in line.  That brings on my passive aggressiveness and  stimulates me to be much slower, sometimes even counting out exact change.  Ahh, I  take my joy wherever I can get it.   

Of course, fewer and fewer subscribe to newspapers too, mainly only us geezers.  So as long as we can deal with the local office we are ahead.  

I just do not understand not paying attention to what you spend,  those must be the same overly educated idiots who whine about their student loans.