Retirement and relocations

I talked to a friend from my CA career days last week who lives in Arkansas. We'd not been in touch for several months because I thought she was moving back to CA and was waiting to hear her new address from her. Her Annual Christmas letter came revealing that she was still in Arkansas. She still plans to return to CA because she wants to be around her long time friends and just has not felt at home in the south. It's not that she cannot adjust; it's that what may be around for her to adjust to is boring to her. But now she will not be moving until April, after winter.

I can understand her reasons; she is an educated well read woman who would like to discuss news, views, something of interest besides families and grand children ad nauseum. She likes good conversation and just  exchanging ideas.  When you have had an interesting life long career (different than just going to work) you develop a far different perspective than those who are just in the job market to make a wage. And you certainly have a different perspective than those who never ventured from their home hearth concentrating instead on raising children, grandchildren, etc. I talked to Annette about this and she felt that was a big part of it. It would be similar to melding LA Law characters with those of Leave it to Beaver.

Her interests are broad. Although she loves the house they have, at 78 she finds it's time to return to CA as upside down as it is so that she can enjoy friendships. It just has not happened in her two years in Arkansas. I know others like Annette who regret their moves. It is so difficult to assimilate into an area of entrenched families. I think that is one other reason why the senior areas like Sun Cities are attractive to retirees. I would have been interested in a venue like that but Jerry absolutely did not would not! I have many friends who have all moved out of CA and we stay in touch on the computer or by cell phone, so I do not feel as out of it. If all I relied on for friendship was right here, I could be feeling like Annette.

Sometimes I have thought we made a mistake moving here to La Crescent, a tiny Midwest town of entrenched families and wives, mothers, etc. I miss those good conversations with people who have a basis for opinion.  I have a few friends here with whom I can talk.  When we determined to move from CA we chose MN for several reasons:

• Jerry thought it would be neat to return to his hometown;
• It's in the central part of the country which can facilitate our motor home travel.
• My mother was still alive in PA when we bought here in 2002. This is closer
• Better quality of life in Midwest than crazee  CA.
  
• Finally, Jerry's now 92 year old mother; wherever we went she had to go too. She was willing to come to her old home town. Now as life has turned, here our leisure travel is greatly restricted due to the responsibility of her. She refuses to go into an assisted living and this ties us down. We would both love to leave for part of the winter, but not so. I am almost to the point of being resentful about this. A woman at a party Saturday night advised; well just go on with your life. She had hers and why should she get to rule yours now, you worked for you fun. Well, we know that too but here it is another retirement plan on hold or in need of downward adjustment! (We plan and God laughs!) Oh it's not fair, or sure, she has two other adult children. Neither of them is going to take on the Florence dilemma, while they sympathize about us, they live an easy life not compounded with her daily eccentricities and worse.

But back to the dilemma of assimilating into an area. I talked to my childhood friend, Dayna, in PA who moved back to our home town 9 years ago. She complained it took her a long time to reengage with family and build friendships. Seems it's the same old story--people are only concerned with themselves. We found this very different in California where people were not living where they'd grown up and were more conciliatory to others. Many of us who became close friends joked that we had no families there so we made our own of each other. Afterall there is a distinct advantage to choosing family!

I think Jerry has this right when he reminds me that the relocation isn't the full cause of feeling alone. Retiring is part of it. Things change. We no longer have the stimulation and agitation of daily career encounters. But after a lifelong career around people we find a big difference when we retire. If we don't have hobbies and interests, we will easily feel out of place, ignored, not comfortable at best. With us, I always had different interests like rose gardening, poetry groups, attending theater and was able to do those; Jerry and I did not live in each other's pocket. Now I find I do miss my friends with whom I could do those things. I have not built that type of group around here. But those friends are no longer in CA either, they have moved and some have died. So it's a challenge. I am fortunate in my ability to entertain myself at great length with a book and on this computer and writing which I have neglected. 

Matter of fact that was what I started to write about today. Annette strongly suggested to me that I seek publication on some of what I write. She also encouraged me to write more and use my talents. She particularly likes an email I sent years ago about my encounters searching for a church and Bible study. She said that was just so good that she shared it with her friends who don't know me but reportedly enjoyed my writing. Now I have four people who have mentioned this strongly and who continue to prod me. Maybe they have something there. Maybe if I could just find the time to sit still and concentrate I could do that. I have always enjoyed writing and many times have been complimented on writings whether letters or analytical papers for my profession or articles about gardening and rose growing.

I know one thing, when I don't take advantage of what is in front of me, I regret it. Perhaps it is a suggestion to which I should pay attention. Heaven knows that here in retirement I don't have people running in and out of my home, I guess I could use some of my time to write about our lives, travels, you name it. And I am still cogitating on writing something for our 50th high school class reunion; I have until closer to 2012 for that! Actually this blog became my outlet and even then I don't keep it up consistently.