Resilience

It's been a grey dreary day with a nice drizzling, soaking rain. what made the day warmer was a nice afternoon visit by Jerry's cousin, Don and wife Eileen, from Iowa. They called last week and said they would be in town for a surprise birthday party for a long time friend of Don's. We said, come on over and good to see you. I made some fresh cookies and blueberry muffins and we spent the afternoon sipping wine and just yakking. We enjoyed the visit today and had Jerry's mother here as well. Though she mostly sat there and said little. That's a good thing because what she has to say makes little sense and or is usually out of focus with what's being discussed--at 92 she doesn't hear, has not worn her hearing aids for years and lives in her own little world.

Later after they all left we took Jerry's other cousin and friend out for dinner at a local supper club in the drizzly rain. After a nice dinner and a warm car coming home, blankie in the back seat, I fell asleep until we arrived in the driveway. I felt like a child lulled to sleep.

Just yesterday I was relieved at my annual checkup when the doctor said I was in great shape, all A OK and to keep doing whatever I was doing. Slight arthritis beginning stages in my right knee which is what may bother me some nights when I get to bed. But nothing to worry about he said after taking an x-ray. I told my doctor about our May on the geriatric merry go round in PA and he was amazed too that I am showing no signs of stress. Blood pressure, cholesterol, pulse, etc all good. Never mind the extra wrinkles I have noticed creeping along my jaws! He said, "Your body seems to deal quite well with stress." That is good news and I have to wonder if that is from my 34 year career of conditioning in the state governmental bureaucracy? Somehow I cope better than I think? Or do I really blow it off? I am truly amazed because I did not work out in PA and that is my stress reliever. The most I did was walk and trot mile laps around the RV park campground in the evenings. At times, I think, glug, glug, glug, going under for the 3rd dip (aka drowning) but it seems not so. I am thankful for my resilience. By the way since Dr. Franta said, keep doing whatever you are doing, I said, "I'm going home and having two glasses of wine!" He smiled because he does encourage the use of wine and in fact is a wine producer of limited varietals himself. "Just don't over do it" he says as he leaves the exam room.

My aunt still lingers in the nursing home and at 67 pounds how long can she last? But her heart keeps beating. I hate waiitng for death to come but that is the answer in her case. And no one can predict it, the doctors say only a couple months? Really? And my 91 year old uncle Carl is on a rip at his home.

Yesterday involved a series of phone calls with him, his neighbors, his nephew who is to check in on him. Cell phone minutes are burnign up! My nephew sent a crew to mow his grass so maybe that will suspend his insistence on "I need to buy a new lawn mower." That's his latest fantasy of the past few days. And now he does not recall that I brought his checkbook home with me to MN so that I can pay his bills from here. Reportedly he got a late water bill and claims he wrote a check out for it and gave it to the personal care aide who helps bathe him to mail at the post office. The frustration rises with me as we speak, "Uncle Carl you are supposed to set the bills aside and when Lowell comes over he will mail them to me!" "Uh huh " he replies to me and then goes merrily along to say, "Why pay double postage." To which I raise my voice and reexplain that "Uncle Carl you do not remember things and this was the agreement. This is how you are going to be able to stay in your own home--With help from the nurses and aides and letting me watch your finances." "Uh huh" he replies and then in the next breath, ""I can take care of myself you know, Patty!" "Uncle Carl, you are having trouble remembering things, you are 91 and this is the agreement!" I shout in desperation. This is truly talking to the wall.

Later that evening Lowell says Carl told him he has a checkbook which he has hidden and will not tell anyone where it is. So on Monday I'll be calling the water company to learn if indeed he did write a check or if he merely mailed their bill back to them, which he has done in the past. And I thought I had this system all figured out, stop gaps in place and life would be semi normal! Well I thought too much. We have only been back home a week and the fun continues! Yet I know I have done my utmost and somehow this old guy is not going to get the best of me. I know too that the social workers are correct that I will have to wait for a crisis to get him into a personal care home which he does not want. I only hope that crisis is not too terrible. Lowell says, "You know Uncle Carl always has been very stubborn and hard headed." Oh yes, I know. The entire family--a bunch of hard headed Polacks! But I'm one too and surely I have the edge at being younger and well, more informed. We will see.

I reflect back to what my friend said in Pa, "Choose your battles with him." And Jerry says, "You can only do so much." Ahh those two glasses of wine!

Today I got a great gift in the mail of postcards from and to my father and some air plane photos my cousin had found at her mother's home. all remnants from 1942 and beyond. What treasures to brighten the dreary day. At least I had positive experiences in PA too. I must refocus and look for the best--keeping my eyes toward the sunshine. This too shall pass! (won't it?)