this is snow

Recently frends in Ohio have had snow--14 inches. Well this winter we got that much and more. Jerry is using the snow blower here and see these snow banks from blowing the snow out of the driveway? Well five foot high and more. So high that I can't see above them when I back the SUV out of the driveway. Now we have had snow. Today is March 9 and the snow is still 4 foot high in piles. We are supposed to get a couple days in the 40 degrees this week and that will really feel warm!

Change

This frustrates me because I always was one for change. But today some improvements are just not change for the better. Why can't they leave well enough alone? Now I know I'm getting old.

I've always been a champion for change, most often led change efforts at work, at church, in organizations, in life. At Curves, every month we change direction and order of our workouts--it keeps us thinking. Don't even get used to the layout of the grocery stores. The theory that abides, the more walking through the store, the more purchases one makes. One exception is our local grocery store in town--it's too small to mess with so familiarity rules. They can hardly move the bakery, deli, meat counters, or refrigerators, so we are fairly set.

But most changes evoke my "grrrr." My ISP claims to have expanded and improved its service. Not so! Now instead of emails coming directly to my inbox from folks who have emailed me forever, they get hung up in the ISP spam report. This means, I have to look at the daily report, which arrives in my own spam filter folder thanks to Nortons. Once there I have to either allow, whitelist, delete, blacklist, etc. One at a time. Why I ask my ISP do you have to mess with me?" Oh, it's a greater service. "No it's not," I say, "it's a pain in the neck. Can't you just bypass this on my system?" "Oh no, that's part of your service."

We do our banking online. Jerry started that long ago in CA. And just recently our bank, in the spirit of improvement changed all the screens again. It's not an improvement--we liked the old way better.

Our brokerage account also "improved" which now means I have to flip through a menu to get what used to display automatically. And I have to check multiple screens. I want it the way it used to be!

When did they quit making so many conveniences just to improve the products. Doesn't it cost to retool and aren't things expensive enough! Leave it alone already. Recently Jerry's 91 year old mother wanted Vaseline bath oil beads. She's used them for years. But now, huh unh. Try to find them--we did yesterday accidentally at a close out sale in Wal mart. Just one small thing they no longer are making.

Fortunately I have little desire or need to shop for clothes. Now this is a significant change to my life. Shopping had been a big recreation for me. But with retirement the wardrobe needs are sparser--jeans, shorts, t shirts, some sweaters. For this change I am thankful--because have you noticed the fashions? Why does every woman or girl have to wear maternity tops? Why when we work out and try to stay in shape must we wear sacks? Clothes are way beyond ugly. I thought the torn jeans were bad enough--look now at the resurgence of the polyester 70's. And the colors! Ugly! Fashion is not a positive change influence.

This weekend heralds another major change event--the changing of the hours of the days and nights--daylight savings time or whatever they call it!~ Why can't we just be allowed to naturally adjust to nature, sun, light? Why must we be forced to change time to save daylight? So Saturday night we have all our watches, clocks, alarms, etc. to set forward. Only the computer and the cell phone automatically reset themselves. The rest will all require us to make the adjustment. Another tinkering piece of change which now happens earlier in the year and lasts longer in the year!

Things that I wish would change don't and things I wish would stay the same don't. What's going on here! And by the way, when did I start resenting change!

Adult Children of normal parents.

Today I'm having several thoughts--none of which are life changing. It's Caesar Day for us --the day to give to Caesar the things that are for Caesar--and today to give a little more than what should be Caesar's. Income Tax Day--a quick meeting with our accountant, here in La Crescent. We'll get the rest of the bad news in a day or two. Larry chatted a bit to remind us how much better off we are here in the tundra--away and out of the clamor and clatter and over population of California.

In another post, I mentioned responsibility and I wonder if guilt has any place in that. And for parents, especially for career parents--those who never give it up--what an awful thing it must be. That a parent is forever, we know, but that a parent is the scapegoat, bearing the guilt for the mistakes of the children--when those children cross into adulthood, I don't think so. I'm not sure if it's responsibility or guilt. Or an absolute inability to let go!

I meet people who absolutely define themselves by their kids--never mind that these people are in their 60's or 70's--their conversations are first and foremost about their children and then by extension their children's children. Heck I'm related to people who do that! I don't think these people ever had an accomplishment that was not child or family centered. They often travel in a pack through life with those kids--they often are the ones who suffer most from an empty nest.

When a "kid" screws up, the parent (most often the career mom) takes offense, takes the blame, takes up for the kid.. I don't get it, why isn't the kid allowed to take their own blame? I'm talking about adult kids which generally means anyone over the legal age. When they clearly are responsible for their own actions or lack there of. When my son screwed up, did I defend him--heck no! I was old school, you got a double dose of the punishment and maybe learned lifelessons. As he screws up today, do I feel the need to rush to his defense? No. I can't--it's his path even when it's rough. Listening is one thing, but taking it on our own shoulders--not.

I have heard some parents who are new to the world of adult children brag that if children are brought up right they will always do right! Oh please! Get a life yourself! What about outside influences--what about the kid choosing to be a buffoon! Why do adult children of outstanding parents become delinquents, maladjusted and whatever even worse. And should that parent feel guilty--I think not.

Isn't there a time when the apron strings are cut--when Johnnie or Janie really have to do it on their own, when they have to grow up and fess up? Maybe that's part of what's wrong today--no one grows up--Peter Pan rules! Instead of raising the fledglings for independence, Peter Pan's parents settle for co-dependence. Perpetual Peter Pan parents---that's what they are.

We do what we can when we raise them. Often this is doing the best we can with what we have and what we know at the time. With the exception of psychopaths, no parent sets out to deliberately screw up their child's life. I prefer to be around adults who can actually discuss, talk, and think about something beyond their children. Barring that--give me a good book to read, or a keyboard---I have a thought to blog.

Wallow or move on in gratitude

Sheila Walsh is a Chirstian woman who often emails just the right thought when I need it. The italics are my thoughts the regular type is from Sheila.

Often at Buble study we talk about grace and gratitude. We can never be thankful enough to repay grace. Grace is a magnificent gift. For a long time when I was heavy into my career I kept a daily gratitude journal. Somedays would be tough and all I could be gratful for was that I got through that day! It was over, tomorow starts anew.

I learned that at least I can be grateful to be through with it. Whether it's a miserable experience or just a bad day. Gratitude for the endurance.

Recently Sheila wrote about a talk radio show, where the host's main concern is to speak the truth, however painful that may be to hear. And at times the truth is fairly brutal. The woman caller was very upset at her stepmother who had never lived up to the daughter's expectations of what a mother should be. The caller had never known her own mother, and for thirty years she had allowed herself to be wounded over and over when her new "mom" didn't measure up. I felt real sympathy for this woman. There are so many things in life that are just not fair.

(My comment here is notice that Sheila says, "allowed: herself to be wounded." This reminds us that we can't be wounded if we think about it--we have to allow it. We can certainly be hurt, but we can get over it!)

Life seems random and cruel to many people. The host didn't appear to share my sympathy. And I was struck by her simple message that has enormous potential to impact our lives. I'm paraphrasing a little, but she said something like this: You have a choice. You can spend your life being angry at what you did not get out of life or you can count your blessings for what you have. I thought about what she said for some time. We all have losses in our lives. But if we choose to feast on them every day, they numb our souls to all the good that God pours out on us every day.

We can choose to remain in a "stuck" place regretting what is not, or we can become alive and fully awake to what is good and true about our lives.

Sometimes we are so aware of what is not there that we miss what we have. Yet the very act of being grateful for what we do have multiplies our gratitude and opens our eyes so that we see that we have even more than we thought we had at the start. Can a grateful heart change our actions and our relationships?

Choose to act with a grateful heart. Cultivating gratitude removes us from being victims to being free to love and act as we are called to do. I believe that living with a thankful heart is a large part of that process. Waking the soul is more than a one-time conversion. It is a daily turning from what is destructive to what is Christ like.

That practice of gratitude is something I've kind of taken for granted here in retirement--even here in the tundra! What a great reminder of being thankful, of moving on in gratitude and of not wallowing.

Responsibility

Just the other day Jerry & I were talking about the big R word--responsibility. It seems that today it's popular for no one to assume responsibility for their own decisions, actions, choices particularly when the outcome is not all that positive. It's acceptable to be a victim or to blame someone else. It's acceptable to expect someone to do for, give to, etc, usually the government is expected to take care of.

Sometimes I get beyond annoyed with our son who in his 40's falls into that poor me syndrome. He's made some horrid choices and is paying a heavy price today. But there is no real way anyone rescues an adult. We have to suffer along sometimes and watch. We have to know when enough is more than enough.

Recently a friend emailed about his personal philosophy, reflected in the Henley poem, "Invictus." That poem centers on "I am the master of my fate".....responsibility. A recent Wall Street Journal article about Supreme Court Justice, Clarence Thomas, Mr. Constitution, emphasized responsiblity. Justice Thomas says that what's wrong today is people all want the benefits without taking or showing any responsibility first.

I posted something on this blog that really backfired when family read it. Not at all what I intended but it created bad hurt feelings. So I pulled that post. After all it's hardly going to get the literary award and why keep something that's perceived offensive even if it is so not intended to be so. Maybe that's chickening out.

But who's responsible for that--well I am. I wrote it. I posted it. I shared the blog and I got the big cream pie in the face. I got chastised for putting it out there. I think I can write/say whatever I think. Especially at this age. Beyond it all is the responsibility. A heavy word.

Put your foot in it

I learned so many things living in CA and experienced so much in diversity in that melting pot state that make me who I am today. I'm much better off for all of it and for all the friends I have there.

I remember a comment one day at work about food. Maybe we were enjoying one of those good office potlucks. Anyway, Rosemary said, "well you really put your foot in that dish!" What? I didn't know what she was talking about so had to ask.

Let me explain that Rosemary happens to be an African American. She said, "that's what the old folks say when they cook something real good and tasty! You put your foot in it. It's a compliment."

So I learned something--here I always thought to step in it or put your foot in your mouth was not a good thing. Just one little example of how we learn from others.

Now forward here to MN, land of the Norwegians, Germans, well you get it, the Mid-West. So at church a group of women gathered to listen to a Beth Moore DVD about Immeasurable Love. Beth said while speaking on this subject once that one of the women in the audience came up to her later and said, "Girl, I was about to throw my shoe at you. That was so good. You sure put your foot in it! I wanted mine there too" Beth had taken off her shoe to demonstrate and whacked it on the floor of the stage.

The women around our table looked very puzzled. But I fell out laughing. I knew what was meant and appreciated the expression! They looked at me like I was off again! Here in the Mid-west sometimes I feel like an alien. I explained the significance of "putting your foot in it." they asked how I knew that. I told them about Rosemary and the food. So we never know where what we learn at some point in our life will come in handy to teach somebody else some day.

Update 2012, I read the wonderful book, "House at Sugar Beach" by Helene Cooper and reviewed it on my book blog.  I learned a Liberian plea or promise or emphatic way of asking is " I hold your foot,  or I have your foot."  So there is some African  connection with putting the foot in it!  This post has attracted spammers and so I am  pulling it aside to drafts.  I really do not want these spam comments that continue to plague me.     Freedom 12/12/12 by blocking Anonymous comments the spammers are gone and this post is reactivated....

Why are we so unhappy

Republishing after losing the spammers when I blocked the ability to post anonymously to my blog.  Hooray and good riddance to rubish.  PULLING THIS BECAUSE OF SPAMMER INVASION 11-28-12
   Very interesting perspective that makes us think about pathetic negativity. This made the email rounds attributed to Jay Leno, but in fact only the last sentences are from Jay. The rest from someone else.

"The other day I was reading Newsweek magazine and came across some poll data I found rather hard to believe. It must be true, given the source, right? The Newsweek poll alleges that 67 percent of Americans are unhappy with the direction the country is headed, and 69 percent of the country is unhappy with the performance of the President. In essence, 2/3's of the citizenry just ain't happy and want a change.

So being the knuckle dragger I am, I started thinking, ''What are we so unhappy about?''

Is it that we have electricity and running water 24 hours a day, 7 days a week? Is our unhappiness the result of having air conditioning in the summer and heating in the winter? Could it be that 95.4 percent of these unhappy folks have a job? Maybe it is the ability to walk into a grocery store at any time, and see more food in moments than Darfur has seen in the last year? Maybe it is the ability to drive from the Pacific Ocean to the Atlantic Ocean without having to present identification papers as we move through each state? Or possibly the hundreds of clean and safe motels we would find along the way that can provide temporary shelter? I guess having thousands of restaurants with varying cuisine from around the world is just not good enough. Or could it be that when we wreck our car, emergency workers show up and > provide services to help all, and even send a helicopter to take you to the hospital.

Perhaps you are one of the 70 percent of Americans who own a home. You may be upset with knowing that in the unfortunate case of a fire, a group of trained firefighters will appear in moments and use top notch equipment to extinguish the flames thus saving you, your family and your belongings. Or if, while at home watching one of your many flat screen TVs , a burglar or prowler intrudes , an officer equipped with a gun and a bullet-proof vest will come to defend you and your family against attack or loss.

This all in the backdrop of a neighborhood free of bombs or militias raping and pillaging the residents. Neighborhoods where 90 percent of teenagers own cell phones and computers. How about the complete religious, social and political freedoms we enjoy that are the envy of everyone in the world? Maybe that is what has 67 percent of you folks unhappy.

Fact is, we are the largest group of ungrateful, spoiled brats the world has ever seen. No wonder the world loves the U.S. , yet has a great disdain for its citizens. They see us for what we are The most blessed people in the world who do nothing but complain about what we don't have , and what we hate about the country instead of thanking the good Lord we live here.

I know, I know. What about the President who took us into war and has no plan to get us out? The President who has a measly 31 percent approval rating? Is this the same President who guided the nation in the dark days after 9/11? The President that cut taxes to bring an economy out of recession? Could this be the same guy who has been called every name in the book for keeping all the> spoiled ungrateful brats safe from terrorist attacks? The Commander-In Chief of an all-volunteer army that is out there defending you and me?

Did you hear how bad the President is on the news or talk show? Did this news affect you so much, make you so unhappy you couldn't take a look around for yourself and see all the good things and be glad?

Think about it...are you upset at the President because he actually caused you personal pain OR is it because the "Media" told you he was failing to kiss your sorry ungrateful behind every day.

Make no mistake about it. The troops in Iraq and Afghanistan have volunteered to serve, and in many cases may have died for your freedom. There is currently no draft in this country. They didn't have to go. They are able to refuse to go and end up with either a ''general'' discharge, an ''other than honorable'' discharge or, worst case scenario, a ''dishonorable'' discharge after a few days in the brig.

So why then the flat-out discontentment in the minds of 69 percent of Americans? Say what you want, but I blame it on the media. If it bleeds, it leads; and they specialize in bad news. Everybody will watch a car crash with blood and guts. How many will watch kids selling lemonade at the corner? The media knows this and media outlets are for-profit corporations. They offer what sells , and when criticized, try to defend their actions by "justifying" them in one way or another. Just ask why they tried to allow a murderer like O.J. Simpson to write a book about "how he didn't kill his wife, but if he did he would have done it this way"...Insane!

Stop buying the negativism you are fed everyday by the media. Shut off the TV, burn Newsweek, and use the New York Times for the bottom of your bird cage. Then start being grateful for all we have as a country. There is exponentially more good than bad. We are among the most blessed people on Earth, and should thank God several times a day, or at least be thankful and appreciative.

"With hurricanes, tornadoes, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, "Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?" Jay Leno 2007

Favorite Stanley Kunitz Poem The Layers

Reposting after pulling this from spammers.  Now that I have removed the ability to post anonymously to this blog, problem solved!  Hooray and good riddance to bad rubbish and all the rest. I include here just one photo from my late Uncle Carl's home which we had to clean out for the estate sale and eventual home sale, in PA.  There were many layers to clear.  Carl had accumulated so much over a  lifetime of 93 years.  Now today, looking back I wish I could have kept more, but I do not need more things for memories and after all, there is a limit to what we can accumulate.    

When we lived in CA a group of us  formed a memorize and recite poetry group. Most of the group were far more liberal politically in their views  than me, but we shared a love of making poetry ours by memorizing. This group was the brainchild of  Susan Rushton, a local reporter, and I miss that camaraderie.  We met once a month.  This is one that I chose that has stayed with me ever since..

Stanley Kunitz died in 2006 at the age of 100; he had been a US Poet Laureate This poem reminds me of The Road by Cormac McCarthy and like that book,  it can be a sad tribute to life.

The Layers

I have walked through many lives, some of them my own,

and I am not who I was,

though some principle of being abides,

from which I struggle not to stray.

When I look behind,

as I am compelled to look before I can gather strength

to proceed on my journey,

I see the milestones dwindling toward the horizon

and the slow fires trailing from the abandoned camp-sites,

over which scavenger angels wheel on heavy wings.

Oh, I have made myself a tribe out of my true affections,

and my tribe is scattered!

How shall the heart be reconciled to its feast of losses?

In a rising wind the manic dust of my friends,

those who fell along the way,

bitterly stings my face.

Yet I turn, I turn,

exulting somewhat,

with my will intact to go wherever I need to go,

and every stone on the road precious to me.

In my darkest night,when the moon was covered

and I roamed through wreckage,

a nimbus-clouded voice directed me:

"Live in the layers,not on the litter."

Though I lack the art to decipher it,

no doubt the next chapter in my book of transformations is already written.

I am not done with my changes.