Adult Children of normal parents.

Today I'm having several thoughts--none of which are life changing. It's Caesar Day for us --the day to give to Caesar the things that are for Caesar--and today to give a little more than what should be Caesar's. Income Tax Day--a quick meeting with our accountant, here in La Crescent. We'll get the rest of the bad news in a day or two. Larry chatted a bit to remind us how much better off we are here in the tundra--away and out of the clamor and clatter and over population of California.

In another post, I mentioned responsibility and I wonder if guilt has any place in that. And for parents, especially for career parents--those who never give it up--what an awful thing it must be. That a parent is forever, we know, but that a parent is the scapegoat, bearing the guilt for the mistakes of the children--when those children cross into adulthood, I don't think so. I'm not sure if it's responsibility or guilt. Or an absolute inability to let go!

I meet people who absolutely define themselves by their kids--never mind that these people are in their 60's or 70's--their conversations are first and foremost about their children and then by extension their children's children. Heck I'm related to people who do that! I don't think these people ever had an accomplishment that was not child or family centered. They often travel in a pack through life with those kids--they often are the ones who suffer most from an empty nest.

When a "kid" screws up, the parent (most often the career mom) takes offense, takes the blame, takes up for the kid.. I don't get it, why isn't the kid allowed to take their own blame? I'm talking about adult kids which generally means anyone over the legal age. When they clearly are responsible for their own actions or lack there of. When my son screwed up, did I defend him--heck no! I was old school, you got a double dose of the punishment and maybe learned lifelessons. As he screws up today, do I feel the need to rush to his defense? No. I can't--it's his path even when it's rough. Listening is one thing, but taking it on our own shoulders--not.

I have heard some parents who are new to the world of adult children brag that if children are brought up right they will always do right! Oh please! Get a life yourself! What about outside influences--what about the kid choosing to be a buffoon! Why do adult children of outstanding parents become delinquents, maladjusted and whatever even worse. And should that parent feel guilty--I think not.

Isn't there a time when the apron strings are cut--when Johnnie or Janie really have to do it on their own, when they have to grow up and fess up? Maybe that's part of what's wrong today--no one grows up--Peter Pan rules! Instead of raising the fledglings for independence, Peter Pan's parents settle for co-dependence. Perpetual Peter Pan parents---that's what they are.

We do what we can when we raise them. Often this is doing the best we can with what we have and what we know at the time. With the exception of psychopaths, no parent sets out to deliberately screw up their child's life. I prefer to be around adults who can actually discuss, talk, and think about something beyond their children. Barring that--give me a good book to read, or a keyboard---I have a thought to blog.