Corned beef on St. Pat's Day

 For as long as I can remember I have  cooked a corned beef, cabbage, carrots, potatoes meal on St. Patrick's Day.  It was one of Jerry's favorite meals and very easy, just put in the pot and boil simmer for hours in broth and dark beer.  Only one year, when he was in the hospital I didn't fix it that day. I bought a corned beef dinner from a local restaurant for me.  But I had the brisket in the freezer and when he was back home he wanted the corned beef dinner he'd missed in the hospital.  

When we lived in CA it seemed we got better corned beef than is avaiable here,  always bought Shenson's brand which has  never been available in this area.  Maybe it is no longer in CA either.  Anyway we enjoyed the meal and Jerry looked forward the next day to a rrepeat of left overs which were always there with just two of us eating.  

My half eaten crned beef dinner last night

The past couple years, with just me now, I would find the smallest brisket and cook it, having left overs for a couple meals.  This year the smallest brisket I could find wass still over 2 lbs,  I decided I'd just forget about it because I did not want to eat it for weeks.  Then I saw a ready made just heat and eat mel at our Festival Grocery take out deli counter and thought that would work for me.  There were 3 generous slices of thick corned beef, a potato, a few carrots and some cabbage.  I figured I'd add cabbage and have left over meat for a rreuben style sandwhich in a day or so.  So I would once again have my corned beef and cabbage meal  I thought it would be better than going to the local tavern to get take out because the noise there hurts my ears Besides there would likely be a huge crowd celebrating and drinking.  Yesterday our temperatures dropped down to winter like again with a tough wind, I didn't feel like leaving the house. 

When I prepared this I added ore cabbage and carrots and another tiny red potato to some beef brroth and ale,,,I did not think I should add the corned beef until near the end to just heat it.  What a disappointing dinner!  The most tasteless bland and tough corned beef I have ever had.  I had to douse it with lots of fresh horseradish to eat it.  I only ate one of the three meat slices and thought maybe with some lacey swiss cheese it would be ok on the marble rye bread for a sandwhich or two.

Left over corned beef and potato

  Today I decided it was not even going to makea decent tsting sandwhich.  I was tempted to toss it but I get tired throwing out food.  I do that more than ever now with just me to eat.  

I decided to cut the meat up and use it in a soup.  I've never made corned beef and cabbage,carrot,  potato soup before.  I  like soups though and can always freeze some for another handy meal.  So right now the soup pot is simmering and smelling aromatic.  I chopped and sauteed half a small onion in butter in the pot till almost transparent, then added chopped celery, a small sweet red pepper chopped, some celery leaves and some baby carrot halved, worcestershure sauce, thyme, more beef broth, the left over ale broth from yesterday , a generous dollop of grainy heavy brown mustard because I had no mustard seeds and a couple big bay leaves.  I hope this slow simmer tenderizes the meat hunks.  If not the cabbage which I'll dd later and veggies will be tasty.  Some rye bread and butter and I'll have a nuttritious meal.  For sure by the smells already it will taste better than last night's fiasco.  

Soup's on

Lesson earned,  don't buy that again.  Invite someone to dinner and cook my own. 

Tell your story.

 I saw this on a widows site I partiipate in on FB.  It is so true,  and that's why I am trying to write here again...To preserve.   I continue to learn and do new things as a widow, things I never did while Jerrt was alive.  He handled everything and I was content to let that be.  Now,  awakening.  Not my preference but no other choice.   When I share something with others, especially other widows and they say, me too" and add what they did it resonates with me.  

Tell your story

Another hurdle jumped over

 As a widow I have had to learn innumerable things, techniques to do tasks I never did before.  Tasks I never thought about.  All those things Jerry did seamlessly, easily.  I was content to not know until I had to.  Until I had no choice.  If I was to continue living here in this lovely home I had to figure things out.  There was no other choice. 

 The last thing I want to do is become a pest to the good friends who stuck with me, who continued to care and be here while others vanished.  But that's another story, the vanishing.  This couple always say, "call anytime, we will be there, don't struggle.."  Sometimes I do prevail on them, like changing my smoke/ CO2 detector/alarms in the ceiling when their lifeexpectancy reached the end, alerting me by chirping constantly. First he came  disconnected  it, returned another day after I got replacements  and reinstalled new ones.  I  cannot reach those in the ceiling, even on a step ladder, so called Gary.  

Sometimes if they haven't heard from me they call or drop by just to see.  Gary has opened jars for me when I cannot.  I hesitate to buy the jars of olives and marinated mushrooms, because I don't want to bother him, but he laughs.  Judy has rescued me when I locked myself out of the house, unknowingly, accidentally by bringing over the house key.  They live nearby, a few blocks away and I do not know what I'd do without them.  Others have family to rely on, I do not.

I do hire a handyman for bigger things like back deck repair, etc. And thankfully here I have reliable trustworthy people to call for repairs too.  

New Whirlpool frig

  But so much for all that background, today I noticed a red warning light on the refrigerator freezer door controls  to change the water filter,  I had a new one ready that I'd purchased from Whirlpool.  I bought this new Whirlpool refrigerator  last August.  Instructions recommend changing the water filter every 6 months.  But with just me here, mostly,  I figured I could wait another month or so.  But the refrigerator disagreed.  Our former GE Profile could keep the same filter for nearly a year.  We have good clean pure city treated water.  Ok so I'm ready to do this and get rid of the red light. 

The instructions on the filter indicate it is in the right corner inside the refrigerator, but inside mine nothing. WTH?  I close and open the door a couple times incase I'mmissing something,,same, nothing.  No water filter to be changed? WTH?. So I'm thinking I'll have to call Gary later or even worse the local refrigerator repaorman who is reasonable but would surely have to charge me something.  Then Idecide to get the manual.  I look inside about water filter, same instructuons!  WTH again?  Then I notice a Section 2 for refrigerators like this model with red light indicator on the door. 

And there is another instructuion.  Aha, the water filter on this is on the base!  Thart's different.  I get down on the floor and find tthe little door but realize I can't fully open it to eject the filter.   Hmm?  Don't tell me the freezer door blocks it!  So I pen the freezer door and victory I can open the filter cartridge door.  I do, it ejects the old cartridgee.  I open the new one insert it and feel I have earned my 2nd cup of coffee and maybe another donut!  Victory dance and proud of me.  As we widows say among ourselves, a YAY ME MOMENT!!

Comic actions unintended

Yesterday I went to our local hardware store intown to get batteries replaced in my remote control for the back sunporch blinds.  I could not get the back off the contraption.  Since the directions said it would take two watch batteries and the local hardware store is where I always get my watch batteries replaced, I figured they would help me.  Sure enough the woman at the counter did and then asked if there was anything else.

  I said I needed a C battery for an old clock at home but didn't find it there among all the batteries they had.  I said I would have to go home and check for sure and just come back.  She asked if I was needing a C or D and I replied, "C"  She asked me to show her where I looked and  that they usually had C batteries.  I continued my chattering as we went to the battery display.  "I need a C but you only have C2 or C4 and I'm not sure."  I pointed to the packages.  And she very courteously told me the 2 and 4 were only the number of the batteries in the packages, they were C batteries.  I smacked myself upside my forehead and grinned.  Who knew?  Obviously not me.  I attribute this to widow brain fog a condition that seems to emerge every so often even after 3 years., When Jerry was alive and I did something this lame he'd laugh and shake his head.  I bet that the hardware store lady had a good laugh the rest of the day telling this story!  

One of my widow friends laughed with me and said she would have done the same thing, reminded me that we have lifetimes of things to learn now that our husbands always handled.  So true, no wonder we get confused.  AND +: 

Puzzles, perceptions, reality/

 

2018 3 16  Jerry starts a new jigsaw puzzle. 

 I have never been a fan of jigsaw puzzles like   so many are around here especially in winter.   Jerry liked them too.  I found them frustrating.  I   might try to get a few pieces in place but really   was  not interested enough to keep at it.  Short   attention span?  Maybe ,but concentrating on   shapes and fitting them didn't appeal to me. 

   Now words puzz;es like word search, jumble,   even crosswords and I'm in.  I have been doing   Wordle on line daiy now for over a year.  I lost   my original statistics when I had the laptop hard   drive replaced.  Don't understand why since it   was online with the Wordle site, but it happbed.  So I resumed and began again.  But this time I am using online hints before I try my Wordle solution. Onesource I use is Forbes which has ahint and clue, sometimes neither arehelpful to me.  But along with the Wrdle hunt there is commentary and a weekly puzzle.  Sometimes these are not of interest to me but today this solution to yesterday's puzzle was interesting.  

Which square is darker A or B?

Answer,  neither.  It is an optical illusion

I still cannot see it as an illusion,  I'm convinced A is dark and B is light.  Apparently my perceptions rule reality.   

This is called the Checker Shadow Illusion and was created by MIT professor of vision science, Edward H. Adelson, back in 1995. While the ‘A’ square appears darker, it’s just an optical illusion. If you printed this image both squares would use the identical mixture of ink and are displayed with pixels of the same exact color, which is rather astonishing. Just looking at the first picture, I still can’t make my brain accept that they’re the same. Wild! It just goes to show how much our perception of things influences how we think about them—and how unreliable our senses truly are.   

Life goes on and so do I

 

This picture was on October 20, 2017, our 50th anniversary at Sullivans in Trempeleau for dinner.  That was  a couple months over 7 years ago and my eyes had that sparkle.  I was always a joyful person.  I was "bubbly" my aunt said, always happy.  I used to giggle at nothing.  I laughed easily. 

Today I know I live in a new reality as a widow.  My life is "good", I am financially secure, hve a beautiful home, a couple very dependable local friends whom I can call on any time for anything, and am active in my church, my faith is solid. I haveoutstanding medical care thru Mayo, our PCP is a friend as well as a doctor.  My local attorney,the same.  And my financial advisor has been trustworthy all along, have known him since we moved here.  Lots to be thankful for,  Multitudes of blessings.  

Yet my eyes no longer have that sparkle,  After Jerry passed in Decemer 2020, my spark went out.  I didn't realize it at the time although I knew I was in a different solo flight part of life now.  I handled everything that needed to be done and everyone complimented me on how well I was doing.  I often said in reply to those comments, "I had no other choice."   And that was the truth.  No one but me to handle me and everything.  I convinced Jerry in his final weeks that I would be ok.  I was relieved to hear he believed me when one day he said, "you are going to be just fine, you are strong, you are secure, you will make it."  I had assurred him so he could let go peacefully because I knew he was worried as hell about me.  So many people told me these past fewyears that he asked them to "watch over Pat for me,"  Some did, like champs.  Others have vanished like ghost wisps.  That happens, people go on with their own lives in their own worlds.  Many widows experience that.  

I grew up with widows around and no one ignored them, relatives, friends.  Life and people were different.  In my early grief I could hear my mother's words to me about disappointments that I considered tragic especially in my teen years, "you are  not the only one in the world that happens to.  You're not the first, you won't be the last. Get  over it.  Don't pout."   When she became a widow she said almost the same to me, "I'm not the only widow in the worldd, I'm not the first, I won't be the last."  She well knew from her own life because she was a very young 20 year old widow pregnant with me when my father's plane disappeared in June 1944, WWII, months before my birth.  

So why lately has it begun to bother me that my eyes no longer have their sparkle?  I find times of enjoyment, But I'm just not the same. I know I'm different.  I think I'm fine just wistful.  This photo was taken August 2023 on a nasty hat day for our church directory.  About the last thing I wanted to do that day was have my picture taken.  My SIL was here from CO with her partner and their 2 dogs.  But I got ready and went.  I kept my jean shorts on because I knew it would only be a head shot.  Later I realized I had worn the very same top as in 2017 when we had photos taken fr the last dieectory.  One of those of Jerry  and me is to the side.  I orderd many because it was our 50th anniversary year.  This time I had no need and just got a few wallet sized to send to friends arund the country in Christmas cards.  People I do not see and who are not on Facebook with me.  But people with whom I've kept in touch over years.  Rhe number of those has decreased as many have passed on.  Yet I am here,  I am a survivor.  Without the sparkle in the eyes, but making it.  

   

New Year 2024 First Day of the year

 

First day of a new year and it is grey, we seem to be in a tristate cloud cover.  MN, WI, IA all clouds. Yet, at least no snow, other than a few crunchy spots residue from yesterday morning's early hours dusting.  Did not have to be shoveled for which I am also grateful.  In October, following the startling, to me, snow dump on Halloween I thought we would be in for an awful dose of whiteness all winter.  So far I have been wrong, which is fine with me.  But I still fear we haven't seen the last,  this is MN after all.  And it is darned cold.  Today we never hit the 30 degree mark.  That foiled my resolution to start the year off with a walk.  Well maybe tomorrow, if we get some sunshine.  The farthest I've walked to day is across the street to church before and after mass from my car in the parking lot.  It was not a day of obligation but if I could be up and ready for 9 o'clock mass I intended to go,  a good way to start a new year.  I made it but without my routine and without my coffee.  It was worth it.  When I returned home I still thought the sun might shine through today and surely I'd get in a short walk at least, but not to be.  I tested myself by bundling up and taking the veggie skins and an eggshell to dump back below the pole shed where I've been throwing landfill stuff like that and  leaves in the fall.  Maybe in spring I'll have Beuhler bring in a load of dirt to put over the debris to help it decompose.  Will see. 

 This coldness and grayness could give me the "gloomies" if I thought too much on it.  So I won't.  After all yesterday was my final of 365 days reading through the entire Catechism on line, You Tube with Father Mike Schmidt and Ascension.  I am very proud of myself for accomplishing that!  I wondered last January 1 when I began if I would have the stick to it I'd need and I did!  

Well here it is, another year.  Let's make it the best that we can.  I'm not  doing resolutions, haven't for years.  I  will remain the me that I am.  I  am not familiar with F>M>Knowles, but sounds like my kind of person.  

F.M. Knowles:    He who breaks a resolution is a weakling; He who makes one is a fool.

Christmas 2023

 

Another Christmas, alone.  Grey and wet outside, but at least to me it is preferable to snow.  I think after 40+ years in northern CA I got used to no snow, yet here we/ umm I mean I now live in MN.  Do I miss CA?  Nope not even on my worst day.  Best thing we ever did, moving away when we did.  Yet when Jerry decided it I thought he was kidding.  I am ever thankful he was serious.  Yet today again, Monday,   no sunshine  no sun since Thursday?  I know Friday was grey.  So I got a dose from my Happy light next to the downstairs PC where I am consigned to work online until the laptop that I so conveniently use upstairs is repaired or replaced.  I will set a nice setting for myself at my dining room table and dine on beef filet tenderloin, twice baked potato, asparagus and green salad and wine.  How I miss the hustle and bustle of Christmases of the past where I wore myself out into a tizzy cooking, baking, wrapping presents, decorating and all that over the top activity.  Life has changed and now this is my new normal.