2025 4th f July and Solo

 

  So here it is, Independence Day, 249 years of American freedom won by patriots with guns and maintained by our devoted  military with guns over these years.  Like so many celebrations, I always looked forward to the 4th!  I used to love fireworks and have seen some magnificent displays in the past on our travels.  Two outstanding memories are of Calgary, Alberta, Canada when we were at the Stampede, way back in late 70's.  When we lived in No, CA and had a group of adopted family/friends we traveled with, all in our own campers.  Another was at Mackinaw MI, just me and Jerry but what a show they put on.  He knew I loved fireworks and enjoyed watching me thrill to them.  If I see any fireeworks this year it will be from those across the river, and I'll watch from my front yard or window.  

I had no invitations anywhere today and couldn't find another widow to invite to come feast with me.  They are all busy with families.  But having none, it's just me.  So while I don't like it, I don't feel despondent.  I keep busy here solo.  I have been watering some with this terrible heat siege we are enduring.  Thi is not our typical MN summer,  it has been hot and humid.  So it feels better inside in the A/C instead of being out there sweltering.  My head and body are drenched in sweat quickly when I'm doing anything outside.  By 10:30AM it is already hot and since I am not a real early bird the weeds are gaining some on me.  

Today I'll have some traditional 4th foods, by myself.  There will be left overs for tomorrow and. One tradition is deviled eggs, I always made them on the 4th.  Today I fixed some for me and thought about Steve, ourson who really liked them.  Now he is with Jerry Beyond just watching me too.  I got a little heavy handed dusting them with the paprika today but since it's just me eating them, not an issue.  I already ate half of one, my lunch as I made them.  I have some baked beans from a small batch I made this past week.  I will grill a couple brats later, braving the temps out there.  Picked up a small potato salad from the deli and doctored it with more chopped onion and celery.  It is not as good as what I make but I was not wanting to cook the potatoes.  It will do ok.  

That seems to be widow words, "it will do."  I have heard from riends, including some widows too,  across the country who are not doing anything or going anywhere today either.  Then there's one in the hospital.  So it could be worse.  Still, I'm thinking of something I read long ago by Beth Moore, long before I became a widow, reminding me to have faith.   "where is the life I planned....   "

Has someone seen the life I planned?
It seems it's been misplaced.
I've looked in every corner;
It's lost without a trace.

I've found one I don't recognize --
Things missing that were dear;
Promises I'd hoped to keep,
And dreams I'd dreamed aren't here.

Faces I had planned to see,
Hands I planned to hold;
Now absent in the pictures;
Not the way I told.

Has someone seen the life I planned?
Did it get thrown away?
God took my hand from searching;
Then I heard Him say --

"Child, your ears have never heard,
Your eyes have never seen,
Eternal plans I have for you
Are more than you could dream.

You long to walk by sight,
But I'm teaching eyes to see;
I know what I'm doing --
'Till then, you must believe.

He's done so much, I felt ashamed
To know He heard my moans.
To think I'd trade in all He's done
For plans made on my own.

I wept over His faithfulness
And how He'd proved Himself;
How He'd gone beyond my dreams
And said to Him myself,

"No, my ears have never heard,
My eyes have never seen,
Eternal plans You have for me
Are more than I could dream.

"Yes, I long to walk by sight
But You're teaching eyes to see;
You know what You're doing --
'Till then, I must believe.

I felt His great compassion --
Mercy unrestrained.
He let me mourn my losses
And showed to me my gains.

I offered Him my future
And released to Him my past.
I traded in my dreams
For a plan He said would last.

I get no glimpse ahead;
No certainties at all,
Except the presence of the One
Who will not let me fall.

Are you also searching
For a life you planned yourself?
Have you looked in every corner?
Have you checked on every shelf?

Child, your ears have never heard,
Your eyes have never seen,
Eternal plans He has for you
Are more than you could dream.

Perhaps you long to walk by sight,
But He's teaching eyes to see;
He knows what He is doing --
Child, step out and believe.

By Beth Moore      
No eye has seen, no ear has heard,
no mind has conceived what God
has prepared for those who love Him.
{1 Corinthians 2:9}