Prayers everyday and thoughts

I was browsing some blogs I follow at times and see that Nancy over in Life in the 2nd Half wrote about prayer today....you can get to her blog here, http://lifeinthesecondhalf.blogspot.com/2010/07/power-of-prayer.html   As I commented to her I was reminded of some talks I had given on prayer  in CA when I was a Conference certified Lay Speaker for the United Methodist Church;  while I enjoyed  that activity I soon became "too popular" with multiple requests to fill in  at churches in our area  when pastors were  away, etc.  It was all I could do to keep up with my own day job, career in the state bureaucracy and so  really had to curtail my speaking assignments to my own home church.  One of my  pastor friends encouraged me to keep my  talks in files and then reuse them at other places, which I did.  That saved me some work. 

Well Nancy's post took me to my file on my prayer talks and it was enjoyable for me to  reread what I had spoken.      I will  now have to retype it  here, because back in 1995, I saved it to something called a floppy disk, an ancient device that is no longer readable on any of my computers.  Well I think I will first try to scan it and that  will take me some time. 

I was raised to pray, weren't all good Catholic girls?  But over the years though I have always believed in the power of prayer, I am not always diligent.   However I seldom miss my last words to the Creator though as my head hits the pillow, and this is the throw back to that old childhood prayer, "now I lay me down to sleep..."  which is one I learned in Polish too! I confess that my prayers sometimes are a one way spontaneous conversation from my end, without listening for a reply, like, "What now!  Are you crazy up there, out there or what are you doing anyway!  Never mind I don't even think I want to know....."  or, "if you are listening at all,  would you mind,,,,,," 

Before I   move along to scanning my talks, I will share poems by one of my favorite theologians, poets, authors Ted Loder, former senior minister of  the First United Methodist Church of Germantown, PA.  I have several of his books which I browse from time to time, and while looking over my talks on prayer I was reminded how much I enjoyed his writings.  That took me to  browsing my shelf today and pulling his books to look through.  Wonder what he's doing today as I heard he did retire from the active ministry.  Well, I'll have to Google and find out.  This is how my time gets away from me, one thing on the computer leads to another on the  blog and then another and so it goes...Well I needed a break from pulling crabgrass out of the lawn in the sun which is now too hot in early  day in our clear pure MN sky without smog or other filters.  So reading poetry is a good diversion for the moment......one of my  mentor bosses in the state bureaucracy once told me I have the attention span of an English spaniel, I guess that has not changed.....    

           Here from Loder's "Guerrillas of Grace:  Prayers for the  Battle"                                     

   How Shall I Pray?

How shall I pray?

Are tears prayers, Lord?

Are screams prayers,

or groans

or sighs,

or curses?

Can trembling hands be lifted to you,

or clenched fists

or the cold sweat that trickles down my back

or the cramps that knot my stomach?

Will you accept my prayers, Lord,

my real prayers,

rooted in the muck and mud and rock of my life,

and not just my pretty cut-flower, gracefully arranged

bouquet of words?

Will you accept me, Lord,

as I really am,

messed up mixture of glory and grime?

LORD, HELP ME!

Help me to trust that you do accept me as I am

that I may be done with self condemnation

and self pity,

and accept myself.

Help me to accept you as you are Lord,

mysterious,

hidden, strange, unknowable,

and  yet to trust that your madness is wiser

than my timid, self seeking sanities,

and that nothing you've ever done

has really been possible,

so  I may dare to be a little mad, too.

"God.....Are You There?"

God, ...

are you there?

I've been taught,

and told I ought

to pray.

But the doubt 

won't go away,

yet neither

will my longing to be heard.

My soul sighs

too deep for words.

Do you hear me?

God,...

are you there?

Are you  where love is?

I don't love well,

or often,

anything

or anyone. 

But when I do,

when I take the risk,

there's a sudden awareness

of all I've missed and it's good,

 its singing good.

For a moment

life seems as it should.

But I forget, so busy soon,

that it was

or what or whom.

Help me!    God,....

Are you there?