Look forward, ever forward, eyes on the prize

Seems to me at times that I have more memories than plans ahead.  As Jerry recovers slowly, we are grateful, but it is slow.  We have had to cancel our plans to attend the American Coach RV Rally in Houston in May.  I just knew that after his pneumonia bout it would not be but he kept assuring me that we were going, he too would like to get out and about.  But finally he faced reality and agreed that I cancel.  I guess all is not lost, there is a waiting list and so someone else will happily take our spot.  I worry and wonder.  And yet I have to chase that feeling away,  looking ahead is the way to be, forward,, ever onward keeping eyes on the prize.  Never weaken for that is defeat.  And do not settle, keep on.

Watching the vertical flakes out the front window

Today our cooler April temps have returned but yesterday we avoided the predicted 3 to 5 inches snow storm.  Our Mississippi River Bluffs shielded us  and the worst of the storm fell south and proceeded east.  Yes the snow came down in big fluffy white flakes, wet and melting as soon as it hit the ground.  Phew!  Just last week I had put my boots  away, cleaned up, into boxes on the closet shelves,  so glad I did not have to retrieve them. I was glad that I was able to get to mass Saturday evening.  I prefer that to Sunday morning mass but sometimes the weather can foil my plans.  

Easter pastel bouquet

To the right is my self purchased Easter pastel bouquet for this year, I am very impressed with it's lasting.  The colors perfectly complemented my pastel bunny vintage Easter tablecloth.   That is another  thing, seems most of  my favorite possessions, used occasionally, are vintage, at least 20-30-40 years old or more.  And that makes me wistful too.  All the time I spent carefully accumulating and keeping in good condition all my treasures and yet there is no one who is or will be interested in them.  I always imagined having grandchildren, relatives or friends to pass things along to, family treasures that I inherited and treasured, all with memories, my own collections, etc., but fate did not go as I planned. 

My vintage Easter bunny tablecloth.

As I got this out this year, I wistfully recall so many Easters years ago setting our table in northern California for family gatherings and so joyfully displaying this tablecloth. Often back then we had huge gatherings, which we always hosted and  most often served buffet style.  Today with just Jerry and myself, I set a fancier table while missing the old times, less work, and not nearly the commotion but also not the fun.  Did I appreciate it fully back then?   I  know as well as reading articles that no one wants your treasures, books, linens, china, crystal, you name it they are not interested.  That's why the stuff shows up at estate sales cheap.  So I try to enjoy and use things periodically and  little by little I am  donating things when the time is right.  Perhaps not my most treasured, but certainly am clearing out, benefiting the church rummage sale, where someone will get a big bargain and I will have cleared out some. It was not too many years ago that I sought bargains at such sales, now I do not even go there.  I do not want to be tempted.  One recent treasure that I donated was my late aunt Jinx's immaculate, beautiful sunbeam stainless steel electric fry pan.  I brought it back here when she passed in 2009 and  we cleared her home.  I should have left it for the sale, but I thought maybe I would use it.  She took such care with all her belongings.  Yet that  electric pan has sat on the bottom of the linen closet in the hallway ever since.  I had forgotten about it until I saw it while moving everything off the closet floor to prepare for new carpet.  I debated, but talked to myself, " how long has this been there"  So off it went.  Ahh Aunt Jinx, she was always tickled to be able to give me something when we visited and her words I still remember, "someday all this will be yours."  At least she had me, but even I sentimental, could not keep everything.  And now, I find myself with excess and so it will move along, little by little.  I have made some progress,  half my fabric stash is gone, donated to friends who quilt and sew, I no longer do that but so enjoyed accumulating fabrics.  Two shelves of craft items gone to the church rummage sale, ribbons, boxes, ties, paints, beads, you name it, all for ideas I had, projects never done.  My  intentions far exceed my execution.  As they told me when I was a kid, "your eyes are bigger than your stomach" 

Inside the Nordic bundt rose pan

Nordic ware rose shaped bundt pan

Another of my  treasures the Nordic ware expensive bundt pan, I bought this about 2004, so many times the flopped cakes came out of it, not the beauties I imagined baking and serving. About a month ago I tried it again, to another disaster, the cake was delicious but did not  come out  from the crevices, although I greased it  so carefully as instructed.  I  placed it back on the shelf and  then asked myself, "Seriously have you had maybe one good experience with this over the years?"  So off this went to the church rummage sale, with my well wishes for the next baker who may have far better luck producing a beautiful rose petal cake than I did. While I wished for roses I got flops, just like life sometimes.    

Crumbled bundt cake delicious
 but not as  rosey as intended

 So we cannot know what tomorrow brings, but we can be realistic about today.  

When your other half is only about 1/3

March 26, spring a few skimpy patches of snow remained

March 26 drying on clothesline

I write this in April, another snow winter blast here yesterday just when we had enjoyed high 60 degrees and 70, we thought it was spring, but Old Man Winter returned, although not as severely as last April.  Still yesterday we had icy rain, then snow, over night thunder and lightning which continued to this morning and then sleet.  A wintry mix, a common Midwest term with which I have become too familiar  for crappy spring winter weather, continues through tomorrow.  March 26, photos here show springtime, I had clothes hanging on the line to dry, as my sporadic spring cleaning began. 

Moved table and stuff from study to TV room

 I face some intensive projects this spring, replacing the carpet in the living room and hallway on the main floor, upstairs and replacing pad from seepage in the study downstairs, with restretching the carpet.  That seepage, never happened before but this March with sudden melt and heavy rain, the ground leaked.  What a mess, but still way better off than others with flooded basements.  I discovered it while Jerry was back in the hospital for a brief time and somehow managed to move all the furniture out of the way.  Fortunately I found a company to come the next day to steam clean the carpet to avoid mold and the young man pulled out the soaked pad for me. A heavy duty rental fan from Heth Hardware in place over the weekend ensured full dryness and neighbors and friends helped with carrying the 50 lb. fan downstairs and returning it for me. 

 I have had to do most everything around here with Jerry not being at full capacity and strength. That is why the title of the other half only maybe 1/3.   It has been a long long siege of health challenges with him since his lung operation November 7, just when he was finally mending.  March brought a flair up of the adhesion in his gut from the 35+ year old surgery in CA way back (happened last year too Easter), and we were blessed that it healed without follow up surgery.  He was home only a week until our PCP on a follow up visit sent him back to the hospital, for what would finally be determined bacterial pneumonia. He has been home about three weeks now and I operate on the fear of what next and how can this keep going, but truthfully we have been blessed and are very thankful.  

March 21, Us thru it all

Jerry's follow up with oncology just the other day now, was good news, all tests show no cancer, and that is a huge  blessing.  Meantime.  three days a week he goes to pulmonary rehab to try to get his lung capacity and strength back to where it was pre pneumonia.  And yes, he had the pneumonia inoculations, including the heavy dose for seniors but truthfully, there are so many diverse bacteria that can strike and his lungs being compromised from surgery hosted the infection.  Thankful that we live here with care from Mayo, who pull out all stops as they did analyzing and testing for legionella, streptococcus, etc. ruiling out everything else, they get to the root cause before proposing treatment.  Well it has already taken me over 2 weeks to complete this post, yet again why I prefer Facebook or FB as we know it.  A day by day entry and everyone is kept up to date.  Here, I write for "amusement" or posterity. 

April 11, snow again

I began writing this post to include our recent snow "bomb" April 11, so here it is.  but now all is menlted and the green grass emerges, surely soon the tulips will show buds and the daffodils will emerge.  This is different from CA where the daffodils preceded the tulips.  And at least this is not the bigger snow dumps we had last  April when Easter came earlier and the two heavy snowfalls meant getting the plow guy back to clear our driveway.  I recall one day I did not go over to the hospital where Jerry was with the adhesions.  Wow  I sometimes say this has been the Winter of our discontent but really all this started a year ago with hospitalizations.  Enough  and now we go  forward.  One last snow shot, with sun rise, looks mystical with that blue sphere, likely a reflection from the window.  But I do prefer the green grass and clear drive.  

View from front window. April 11.