The last few years in particular, well OK for about 9 years now, I have seriously pondered returning to the religion and faith of my raising, the Catholic church. Oh one thing and another always had me putting it off. I admit, I was so very worried about what the priest might say to me, I am married to a non-Catholic for it will be 49 years this October. Jerry is not a church goer and he has listened to me ponder and wonder over the years. He has said so many times, "well just go find out already". It was as Father shared in our talk, "like avoiding a dentist until you have a major toothache and then you imagine they will have to pull all your teeth, you will need dentures, you will suffer....we build things up in our mind and imagine the very worst situation.
On this blog previously, October 10, 2011 at this link, I wrote about my anxiety. What to do? So this has not been a spur of the moment decision. Not just a whim. Indeed I have wondered and wandered over this for so long, stewing would be a good description.
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And so it has dragged on and on. I have not attended the former UMC here in town for almost a year now. I just could not abide going to church and encountering myself in the midst of a community center gathering. I missed the liturgy. So I started going to mass routinely not just on the days I always attend like Ash Wednesday, Good Friday, etc. So in this Year of Jubilee, so proclaimed by Pope Francis, a man for whom I have deep admiration I finally did it.
Yesterday two weeks after running into Father Havel at a cousin's bedside, a cousin on Jerry's side who is awaiting death in a local nursing home, I had an appointment to go talk with the priest privately. I waited a week to make the appointment and then talked to myself once again, "well wait until next week, maybe later," The doubting voice began to intimidate me. And time can continue. In the nursing home hallway I told Father that I am a very lapsed Catholic and needed to talk. He assured me, "when you are ready, just call, anytime." I quickly told him how unsure I was and that I had been attending mass for sometime, but still. I could hear my grandma Rose's voice laughing at me as she said so long ago, "Don't talk crazy, Patty. Once a Catholic always a Catholic. You don't just decide you are not." Father smiled knowingly. Indulgently, he assured me, "there is nothing that cannot be fixed, Just come talk to me when you are ready."
Yesterday was my day! After our long discussion and his listening to how I thought I was doing well enough but that I missed taking communion. When I attend mass, I always hang back and do not go forward, although I also shared that there have been times at funerals for loved ones where the priests and Monsignors have told me to partake. I told him about my Grandma again and he laughed. I told him about my late friend Roberta who tried to encourage my return fully to the faith on our attendance at mass in CA, how her husband tried to facilitate the process with me with their Irish priest, Father O'Brien. How many times I avoided, wondering, after all I had been lapsed for so long.
He listened patiently to my stories, my trials, my struggles, he answered my questions (I had many), he counseled me with some scripture and offered that I might consider taking some of their ongoing faith classes. He asked me, "who told you that you are no longer Catholic?" I stammered, "uh, I guess myself." He shared how when he meets with an ecumenical group and the Protestant pastors discuss their church rolls and rules and when someone is no longer a member of their church he is amazed. They ask him what he does and he said, "nothing. Once a Catholic always a Catholic."
I opened my mouth and he smiled, "yes, your grandmother was right. Once a Catholic always a Catholic." He asked me if I thought I was excommunicated? I stammered again, "well I haven't been faithful, ah um,uh but..." He laughed and admitted to teasing me, then asked me if I was ready for Reconciliation. My mouth fell open again, "Right now? Right here?" He said, "yes, here now unless you are not ready." So with my continued amazement, we proceeded. My following his words, my Act of Contrition and Confession( my first in about 40+ years). I felt tears of relief. I will not go into detail for my own privacy, but when it was all over I beamed and could only say , "WOW." Why had I waited so long?
I had read online about Catholics returning: "If you haven’t been to Confession in a while, the Catholic Church wants to welcome you back, and invites you to participate in this beautiful sacrament of healing. Take a step in faith. You’ll be surprised about how free you feel after taking part in the Sacrament of Reconciliation. So many Catholics describe incredible feelings of peace, joy, relief, and love that they never expected. Jesus is calling you to experience His mercy in this way too."
I share here that I have never felt lighter, better. I couldn't stop smiling. So much was lifted, I never appreciated confession more ever. I never felt better, more blessed even though I have been blessed many times. Such glorious feeling, nothing ever compared. Not even when following my heart attack a year ago, the cardiologist told me I would need no surgery, treatment, etc because there was no damage to my heart and that my guardian angels came through. I truly felt lifted, blessed, so relieved, so happy that I can now fully participate and receive communion. I fairly floated home as I had walked up town for the meeting. I am still in amazement today. I know my Grandma is smiling from Heaven with my late friend Roberta.
I will write more later sometime but I wanted to be sure to document and share this day. Yesterday will always be another birthday for me, my true home coming. And Saturday when I attend mass I will be receiving communion! Thank you Father!
I created this blog to record our RV trips and ;morphed into life in our retirement lane and telling my tales of life. Now my tales of life are on widowhood, my new and probably my last phase of l I have migrated to Facebook where I communicate daily, instantly with family/friends all over. I write here sometimes. COPYWRIGHT NOTICE: All photos, stories, writings on this blog are the property of myself, Patricia Morrison and may not be used, copied, without my permission most often freely given.
Other blog dominating
Blogger insists on showing my posts and comments to others as my Books Blog, You can click on it to get here and vice versa....the Book blog is just that while this one, my first, original has miscellany
Link to BookBlog https://patsbooksreadandreviewed.blogspot.com/
Friday, April 22, 2016
Monday, April 18, 2016
Warm weather abounds
Front shrubs, snowball tree, barberries trimmed thanks to Lucas |
I spent most of Friday, Saturday working outside, clearing the rose beds of winter mulch and trimming and clipping. We were able to hire someone from a Landscaping service to trim some of the shrubs and I was very pleased with Lucas' work which saved me a couple days, well worth the $$ spent. With his power equipment he was done in less than an hour, I was in awe.
Apple Jack Rose bush is already filling out with leaves |
One small pile of limbs to drag up the hill to shredder |
I love this outside physical work, the smells and the ground and am thankful I can do it, but I suppose I could learn the art of pacing myself. Still one of my cousin's reminded me that as her mom, my aunt said, "If you do your own housework and yard work, you will be strong, healthy and never need to go to a gym." I do though maintain my Y membership and spend my quality time there, zumba, weights, toning, yoga, then I come home and hit the grounds for free workouts.
Clear blue MN skies above our tall pines out back |
Grill Master at it, side table hold his Busch, which is not for pouring on the burgers these were the first this year, winners. |
Sunday, April 10, 2016
RIP Sandy
Me with Sandy October 14, 2015 |
She was 78 years old if I am correct and had she made lifestyle changes years ago along the way, I would not be writing this today.
In our lives, we meet many people, some we call friends but those who really become friends take time to grow the relationships from acquaintance into full "framily", my word for those closer than family to me, very dear friends. These are the rare ones of life. Once I was blessed with 3 now there is only me. She was a sister I never had.
Sandy was never one I could have foreseen becoming so close to. I met her at the CA State Employment Development Department (EDD) in career days, in 1991 when I was managing the establishment of a group to guide quality improvement through the entire behemoth organization. We were interviewing candidates to work with on a team that would be known as Leading the Quality Team. That effort would take multiple pages to explain, suffice that it was new and daring, in an overly bureaucratic traditional state agency as was EDD. In came our next candidate, a white haired "old lady" I thought, when I first saw Sandy who was only 6 years older than me, but she had lived hard and large and was a devoted EDD staff person venturing up from one of their field offices into headquarters. It was not a typical interview because we wanted extra ordinary staff. Sandy blew us away with her demonstration removing any doubt I had that she had the stuff to "train" and present to management above her pay level. We hired her and that began in what I never expected to happen, the growth of a deep friendship for the rest of our lives.
Here is just a bit from a letter I wrote to surprise her on her embracing the faith and taking the Walk to Emmaus in 2007, I frequently think of all the spiritual activities that you are now so fully embracing and am more than amazed. Sometimes I feel like a proud mama. Sometimes I feel like a teacher whose student has far surpassed expectations. Sometimes I feel like I helped create a Frankenstein! But overall I am so thankful that God placed me in your life or you in my life. What a joy to have played a small part in your journey back to the God who never left you even when you didn’t pay much attention to Him! From your joining the
I recall that white haired lady who had the nerve to
interview to be a facilitator back those many years ago at EDD. (Well that’s
the note I made on my interview sheet “white haired lady” to distinguish you
from the rest! Back then I thought I
might not remember you from the rest of the crowd!) Little did I suspect that through many years,
miles, tears and smiles you would become a dearest friend, an extra ordinary
link in my life. It’s been a long time
since ’91.
I recall that same white haired lady who took her sewing
machine along to Santa Rosa
training; I thought that was an odd thing to bring. For me who was far more
interested in clothes and matching shoes with outfits I couldn’t imagine what
would a person do with a sewing machine and how/why carry such a thing
around? Little did I know then of your
passion for art and quilting. I learned
how you would retreat within yourself while stitching away and recharge your
spirit.
Sandy was an accomplished
Our "Salute of Roses" quilt by Sandy. |
Subject: Quilt related Info
Finally here is the letter I had penciled out on the
22nd!!!!!
Dear Pat, Well, the label is on. I had asked my friend Joan
Mack in Sequim, WA( Sn award winning quilter and use to be neighbor) to make
the label and her equipment couldn't do it, so she asked her friend in Seattle,
WA to make it! Walla, a label was born! Just another wonderful reward of having
friends during this earthly journey.
As you know
"Salute of Roses" went in to the big floor frame for hand quilting in
March, 2008 after several months of searching for the perfect fabrics. It was
the beginning of a new journey I was super excited to start. Since we had
decided the fabrics were perfect via snail mail and telephone from CA to MN I
prayed for perfection of my hands and needles.
But this is not about the quilt which could consume this posting, instead, I am saying farewell to my friend, Sandy. As she began to fail and suffered through hospitalizations and nursing home stays her world got smaller and smaller. She spent her last few years rather confined to her home and was on oxygen 24/7. The last year I noticed her dementia that she joked about was increasing, she repeated herself more and more she didn't remember. I worried about her living alone, although she had an adult son who lived in what had been a garage and then her quilt studio, under the guise of helping her, but how much help is a 50+ year old dependent unemployed. That is another tragic tale, his alcoholism, rehabilitation and continued slip back into addiction and Sandy's enabling of the situation.
Sandy 2010 |
In better days, Sandy had a bit of latent Phyllis Diller in her, the same coarse laughter, a consistent positive trait diffusing a remark with humor sometimes to the point of the macabre, Sandy enjoyed my writing and nagged me beyond belief to publish, it was her way to encourage, to nag. She especially was fond on my blog and one reason why I started writing here. She scolded me for not keeping it up but I have substituted physical activity.
I knew the time was coming but not when. Her last bout with pneumonia would hospitalize her and then send her to the nursing home. This time like her other SNF times I was sure she would not get out. But she would prove me wrong, she would eventually return to her home and her isolation, if only briefly. As she refused to eat she weighed only 86 pounds when she died, significantly less than her 130's pounds in her prime. She refused therapy. She went back again to smoking heavily on her porch. I close with one last picture of Sandy from 2010, far better days in her life on this earth.
Goodbye 'old friend, see you someday on the flip side.Later, much later, who knows?.
Saturday, March 19, 2016
One a Penny two a penny
Only a week until Easter so begins again my annual hunt for authentic hot cross buns, which apparently have gone out of fashion like so many things of memory. I remember this Mother Goose rhyme :
Hot-cross buns! Hot-cross buns!
Imagine that, a child in the 1950's grows up reciting a poem from the 1700's and remembers it today in 2016. As I ponder many things of the past, I wonder, am I getting that old that I think back more and more? Perhaps. Here in the tenuous Minnesota spring time weather which can bring sun one day and dust with snow overnight as t did last night I wonder about all sorts of things. From my Facebook morning posting, two photos a week apart.
The other day walking, I thought about my late aunt Jinx and a gallon jar filled with coins that she left behind with the label, "Money we have found walking." When we cleared her house after she passed in 2009, we found her jar pushed back on a closet shelf with over $300 assorted coins, apparently found here and there by herself or late Uncle John, her husband on their walks or in parking lots, or wherever. I too used to find money frequently sometimes even currency. And somehow I began to think that today in all the miles I walk I never find money, none, not even a penny. Was it that long ago that I would stop and pick up a loose penny on the ground, recalling, "a penny saved is a penny earned." as others might just walk by, leaving the copper coin there.
This reflects how rare use of cash is today. While Jerry remains "old school" and likes to pay with cash, I seldom carry more than a couple dollars, instead use my handy ATM debit card. That was another annoyance in Europe to be using different cash currencies in the different towns. Last October in California at a restaurant with cousins and aunt, Jerry pulled out cash to pay the bill to the astonishment of my 80 some year old Aunt Pearl who asked wide eyed, "Do people still use money today?"
Think about it, cash is rarely used. Many are addicted to "points" they accumulate from charging everything on plastic cards. They consider accumulating points wise, a rebate, a bargain, I find them annoying. For example our Verizon points, over 300.000 and not a thing worth our cashing them. Most of their offers require additional cash for something we would not buy anyway. So the Verizon points sit and pile up, useless. We have used some points on other cards for cash yet the $100 or even $10 is not nearly what we have spent.
We have never been charge card type people, which has likely given us a much easier lifestyle today in retirement. Often we hear these adds about consolidating debts, stretching the finance payments out and I am grateful that we never got into that lifestyle. Other than our home mortgages, we did not owe payments. If we charged anything it was paid for fully the next month when the bill arrived. We were frugal, savers, we did not waste our hard earned money and did not live beyond our means. How different were we from others? Yet, our frugality has afforded us a debt free retirement, a nice life style.
We used to save spare change, coins that accumulated in purse and pockets went into a basket and then periodically Jerry would roll them up into the distinct paper coin wrappers and take them to the bank. Today that basket takes longer to fill, as I mentioned I admit to seldom using cash so I have less change to dump and Jerry often leaves his along with the tip at the restaurant, or spends it. Not too long ago when he took the last stack of rolled coins to the bank, they had to open each and dump into the coin machine to count, a sign of the times. The teller said it was now the policy because some unscrupulous people used to plug the rolls with fake currency.
Money, yes, I always stooped to pick up a penny, coins. And yet today, no spare change drops from pockets. It's probably a good thing people do not drop their plastic cards, that would be a terrible find in the hands of the wrong person. How different life is today from when we skipped along chanting and holding up and down our fingers,
"Two shiny quarters,
Hot-cross buns! Hot-cross buns!
One a penny, two a penny, Hot-cross buns!
If you have no daughters, Give them to your sons;
One a penny, two a penny, Hot-cross buns!
Wikipedia says "The earliest record of the rhyme is in Christmas Box, published in
London in 1798.[1] However, there are earlier
references to the rhyme as a street cry in London, for example in Poor Robin's Almanack for 1733," Back deck with new bistro set covered, snow dusting overnight March 19, 2016 |
The other day walking, I thought about my late aunt Jinx and a gallon jar filled with coins that she left behind with the label, "Money we have found walking." When we cleared her house after she passed in 2009, we found her jar pushed back on a closet shelf with over $300 assorted coins, apparently found here and there by herself or late Uncle John, her husband on their walks or in parking lots, or wherever. I too used to find money frequently sometimes even currency. And somehow I began to think that today in all the miles I walk I never find money, none, not even a penny. Was it that long ago that I would stop and pick up a loose penny on the ground, recalling, "a penny saved is a penny earned." as others might just walk by, leaving the copper coin there.
This reflects how rare use of cash is today. While Jerry remains "old school" and likes to pay with cash, I seldom carry more than a couple dollars, instead use my handy ATM debit card. That was another annoyance in Europe to be using different cash currencies in the different towns. Last October in California at a restaurant with cousins and aunt, Jerry pulled out cash to pay the bill to the astonishment of my 80 some year old Aunt Pearl who asked wide eyed, "Do people still use money today?"
Think about it, cash is rarely used. Many are addicted to "points" they accumulate from charging everything on plastic cards. They consider accumulating points wise, a rebate, a bargain, I find them annoying. For example our Verizon points, over 300.000 and not a thing worth our cashing them. Most of their offers require additional cash for something we would not buy anyway. So the Verizon points sit and pile up, useless. We have used some points on other cards for cash yet the $100 or even $10 is not nearly what we have spent.
We have never been charge card type people, which has likely given us a much easier lifestyle today in retirement. Often we hear these adds about consolidating debts, stretching the finance payments out and I am grateful that we never got into that lifestyle. Other than our home mortgages, we did not owe payments. If we charged anything it was paid for fully the next month when the bill arrived. We were frugal, savers, we did not waste our hard earned money and did not live beyond our means. How different were we from others? Yet, our frugality has afforded us a debt free retirement, a nice life style.
We used to save spare change, coins that accumulated in purse and pockets went into a basket and then periodically Jerry would roll them up into the distinct paper coin wrappers and take them to the bank. Today that basket takes longer to fill, as I mentioned I admit to seldom using cash so I have less change to dump and Jerry often leaves his along with the tip at the restaurant, or spends it. Not too long ago when he took the last stack of rolled coins to the bank, they had to open each and dump into the coin machine to count, a sign of the times. The teller said it was now the policy because some unscrupulous people used to plug the rolls with fake currency.
Money, yes, I always stooped to pick up a penny, coins. And yet today, no spare change drops from pockets. It's probably a good thing people do not drop their plastic cards, that would be a terrible find in the hands of the wrong person. How different life is today from when we skipped along chanting and holding up and down our fingers,
"Two shiny quarters,
Before the day was done
One bought a sucker,
One bought a sucker,
Then there was one.
One little quarter,
One little quarter,
I heard it plainly say,
"I'm going in the piggy bank
"I'm going in the piggy bank
For a rainy day!"
Pocket change |
And that's it for today, when few anticipate the possibility of that rainy day. We were raised differently in different times, when money was cash, one spent what they had or less. And yes, tragic circumstances, misfortune can foil the best laid plans, but still saving money, planning was a good thing. I am glad we did.
Labels:
cash,
coins,
finding money,
Hot cross buns,
Mother Goose rhyme,
saving money,
walking,
weather in MN
Tuesday, March 1, 2016
March comes in like an albino lion
View out front from living room this morning |
Most all snow was melted by Saturday, here my shadow taking photo out back |
Binders of recipes along with part of my cookbook collection |
One binder page open |
I sometimes ponder what in the world, why bother. And then I go on and toss some, rearrange others, and even go so far as to consider creating an index, a table of contents on a data base so I can readily find the recipe or tip I want when I want it. But, as happens I have more ideas than implementation efforts. I always have been the idea person, the manager, the one who could think things up, I had staff to implement. Ahh,shades of my career days, some of those skills are not so much in use today as I am my own staff.
Which brings me to the meandering thoughts that circulate round my head with ever increasing frequency, why bother? I have no descendants to enjoy nor be interested in my collections. So when I am gone to the here after, this will all be tossed. I'd like to think, someone will get some of these and find them useful, iconic, or who knows. I often do as I buy on impulse an old recipe book or two at an estate sale. I wonder about the person who used it before, especially when they have noted something as good or added their modifications, or the page is dogeared, stained from years of use. I smile and remember that someone enjoyed this same recipe and well, here I have it now. But reality is ,this just won't happen here with mine. Which is where I could get off into a pity party of poor us, no family to share with, and so on. Nope, not going to go there, would do no good, instead, I try to keep busy, now maybe I'll put this on the blog.Well, there more time has gone and now time to get to thinking about dinner, so it goes, a snow day and some minor tasks accomplished. For this I am glad to be retired, time is all mine..
Partial collection of my binders of clipped recipes |
Feet happily clad in warm soft German socks from Regensburg, my trip in Nov/Dec. Ahhh, easy living. |
Sunday, February 14, 2016
Valentine's Day 2016
Back yard squirrel pair |
Jerry blew most of the snow out of the driveway with the leaf blower already. He is recuperating well from the sinus surgery and after this week when he returns to the ENT the last of the packing can be removed from his nose and perhaps he will be able once again to blow it. Relief is expected from recurrent sinus infections which he endured too much of the last year. That's another thing, we stayed home and hopefully now will have most of our medical appointments out of the way. As our late neighbor Frank said years back, "good thing we are retired because we can go to all these doctor's appointments." Still we are blessed that we have outstanding medical care here from Mayo where we live, many people do not enjoy that luxury.
Valentine's roses |
I want to share this Valentine's poem that I found in 2011 and have updated to 2016 marking our years together, and our lifestyle.
"Reserved Seating for Valentine's Day"
It's all been said, It's all been done;
Forty eight + years of chocolates, flowers or "I forgots"
Find us seated in comfy recliners, feet up.
Our eyes scan commercials that portend chocolate diamonds and open heart pendants
Are the only perfect gifts to portray unending love.
When really it comes down to the comfy recliners
And we who remain happily seated there
Over the years.
Candid shot of me moving the vase of roses. |
Labels:
backyard,
red roses.,
snow,
Valentines Day,
winter
Tuesday, February 2, 2016
Groundhog day and the voices in my head
About 8:35 this morning front drive |
Back deck, 8:30 this morning |
Saturday, January 2, 2016
2016 Happy New Year new blog post
We have a white frozen Wonderland for this New Year and I have been out exploring tracks in the snow. I think this white carpeting means the end of my Rosemary plant that thrived in the small back flowerbed. Now if pics will upload from this tablet, here goes.
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