Talking to myself

Sometimes when I am really deep in conversation with myself Jerry happens by and interrupts with a "what?" To which I respond immediately, "Don't interrupt I'm talking with myself!" It seems I get the best answers and dialogue this way and it sure beats ignoring things. Which brings me to this blog. I used to have a couple followers but they seem to have drifted. So here I am continuing to talk to myself.

Well it doesn't bother me, I like my own company. Unlike a certain widow woman friend who was so starved for company she sold her soul to the first man. Now she lives a life of subserviation to his needs and then wonders why her "nose gets bent."

Ah the life of independence, which I have always treasured even within the parameters of a nearly 42 year marriage! I learned early on in my 20's working as a single mother at McClellan AFB in CA that I must be able to provide for me and my child. I learned this by watching those poor old ladies! Now remember here I am not much past 21 and I see old ladies in their 40's! They have had to come to work for the first time in their lives--why because the hubby got ill, ran off with a younger babe or lost his job. Suddenly they were thrust into the workforce, trying to earn a living with absolutely no skills 'cept that of a "homemaker." Well that was one time in my life I paid attention and learned from others' mistakes. I will not ever walk that path.

And I have not. I had a very rewarding professional career. And fortunately for me, Jerry always encouraged me to work outside the home. I don't know if he knew it would be better for my mental state or was just wanting the extra income. But we both agreed and above all, I especially remembered those poor old 40 year olds!

Well flash forward today as I am retired from a state government position, enjoying a great retirement income though it is shrinking as the economy continues to spiral. And I look right around here and see a repeat of the poor souls but singing a different verse of the same song. This lady (and she is) devoted her life to raising a wonderful big family, but her husband died. So there she is bereft and unable to live in solitude. She has sold out to being "cared for" so she must think by a guy who is arrogant at best and absolutely controlling and demanding. Sometimes I feel sorry for her frustration, but then I get annoyed and think, "you dummy, you should not have sold out your soul."

Lesson learned: "Be happy with your own company." And if you get too lonely volunteer, travel and or get a nice small dog!

My grandma Rose, my mother's mother came to live with us after my grandpap died. I was a junior in high school. Well those were the old days and the adults took care of their elderly. There was no discussion she just moved up the hill to our house. I remember Baba (Polish for grandma) sitting on the porch visiting with the priest who said, "Rose, you might someday meet another man and remarry." To which she opened all barrels and shot back, "Tye gupia!" That's misspelled Polish for "what are you crazy or somethin'?" "I had one man and that was enough!" My grandma would have no more fallen into the trap of caring for some old goat than she would have jumped into the Allegheny River. I learned that lesson from her.

I had strong women in my family. I have written about my Aunt Jinx who died in July. And even though some might have thought my Grandma to be a traditional woman, she had her thoughts and ways. For one, she played the numbers through the bookie in the back of the butcher shop in town. Every morning she asked me what I dreamt and then she pulled out her little dream book and looked up the dream. I have that or a copy of an old one today with the numbers there. Trouble is it is so limited, still I think I will someday hit the lottery if I can remember to look up my dreams in that book and play those numbers! She made bucks off my dreams and kept that money aside for her and me. For a long time that's how we went to the movies (sometimes two) on a Sunday afternoon after church. And we always enjoyed an ice cream treat at Isaly's on the way home! Her and me! She never let my Granpap know about her winnings; it was a secret she kept with me. So though she might have been traditional she had an independent streak. And my other Grandma Anna Ball who was widowed young confided in me when she visited years later in CA, that she wised she had kept on in her career as a seamstress. She was a wonderful seamstress and dress designer and said "I could have had a better life if I had worked..."

This brings me to close this post to myself, that life has been good and the independence is what has helped us have a better life. It is why I worry about my grand daughter in CA who has spent her life under control of her parents. She has had no independence, lives at home going to a junior college. And now appears to be trading parental control for control by a boyfriend named John! What a waste of independence. She is only 19 and has not had enough life experience to settle for the first guy out of the shoot. But naivete and dependence are her experiences. I hope this does not continue but I fear it will. I continue to hope she really gets educated instead of indoctrination and settling for dependence on someone else.

And since I know that the less said the better,lest she gravitate toward him even more, I am disappointed to myself and talk to me about how to best get this into her head....Talking to myself--is that a sign of really slipping a cog or the wise thing to do?

Folly

Folly by Laurie R.King was another great mystery by a favorite writer who can express herself well without resorting to four letter words and bad language. Folly features Rae Newborn, a widow, woodworker, artist, woman of a certain age, grandmother, mother and recovering mental health patient. I love all Laurie King's books because I can never guess who dunnit. Folly told through Rae's experience as she returns to an island off the coast of WA to rebuild her great uncle's demolished home. Folly interweaves two mysteries; that of Rae and of her long deceased great Uncle Desmond. 400 pages of good writing and and good mystery, I hated to put down. And I never saw the ending coming! A good read!

Two reads and a skim

"Four Spirits" by Sena Jeter Naslund was a disappointment to me. This author had written one of my very favorites, "Ahab's Wife" but this novel doesn't quite measure up. I skimmed through this which has great characters but not that great of a story line. It did not hold my interest as I'd hoped. Set in Birmingham, AL in the 1960's during the civil rights struggle. Narrated through the voice of Stella Silver, an idealistic white college student and Christine Taylor, student at a black college. Many characters have voices in the history of this time. The 4 spirits are four young black girls who are killed in the firebombing of a black church. Just a big disappointment.


"Vital Lies" by Ellen Hart. This was an ok easy read mystery without bad language. Set in MN on a lake, where the owner is challenged to hold onto her investment in a lovely old inn amidst threats and nasty pranks. Someone wants her out of there, but who is it? I would likely not have picked this up had I read the back cover, a Lambda Literary Awards selection for best lesbian mystery. I will leave it there. The characters were interesting but that is not a lifestyle I am interested in hearing about.

"The Authorized Biography of Anthony Hopkins" by Quentin Falk. I admire Antohony Hopkins and I enjoy biographies. This book revealed some small things about his life but focused a great detail on all the plays and theater which has made him famous. I'd have preferred more personal detail, but maybe I'm just nosey! A drama student would find this intriguing. Hopkins beginnings in Wales and encounters with Richard Burton are interesting. Here and there are bits about his struggles in school as a young boy, a slow learner, a pianist, a child who preferred being alone--all traits which he carried on into adulthood. The end of his first early marriage and how he cuts off all contact with his daughter for her own good is touching. Way later in life they reunite but for this reason he prefers to never have any other children. His 2nd wife Jenni is truly his soul mate. His struggle with alcoholism is discussed including reflections from Jenni. A funny episode described his struggles working with or around Shirley McClain in "A Change of Seasons." Hopkins has a fantastic sense of humor shown in impersonations. At one time he is off set ill for a few days and not yet expected to return when President Richard Nixon appears on the set. Humorously Nixon is none other than Tony himself! After he conquers/cures his alcoholism he retreats to a solitary existence in a Topanga canyon home which he impulsively purchased. Uncertain whether their marriage will endure, Jenni shares how she coped with this struggle on her own. This episode reveals something about how she finally learns to be her own person and get a life. This passage is good reading for the clingy woman who has a man as her sole means to exist. "..I rely on him absolutely....but what he couldn't be any more was 101% of everything for me. I realized I had to have my own life too. I had to be more resilient. Tony's a great believer in the fact that nobody should live through another person; everyone should try and get on as much as possible with their own lives......" I learned that lesson long ago as a young 20 something working at McClellan AFB in CA. Fortunately for me, Jerry reinforced that so I have never been the clingy little woman and have little to no patience for those who are. Even if they are in my own family. If I could get anything through to my grand daughter it would be just that--get and keep a life, be neither dominated nor controlled by one person...know something on your own and for God's sake don't cling!

History with a family of choice.

Our good long time friends from CA, Nevin and Alicia, who now live in NC spent a few days here on their way west. This was their second trip here and we have yet to make it to NC. We really enjoyed the visit. Lots of laughs, reminiscing, eating, drinking, laughing and showing them the local sites.

I got to thinking today that is what I miss the most about being relocated, the familiarity of our history. We do not live in the past but it is a strong link that pulls us together today. Even though most of my friends also relocated out of CA when we all retired, I ponder how it might have been had we all stayed. It is a difficult transition for me here in the MN, small town Midwest. No one who really knows me. I volunteer and belong to several organizations of interest to me, but it is not the same, the history is lacking. I've met only two professional retired women. There are few here where I can buzz by and say, "hey, let's go to ...the store, library, Starbucks.." Even those in the organizations have their own circle with them, the quilters, the Legion auxiliary, the church.

This is a place where people are born and raised for generations and never venture away from hearth and home. This limits their experiences and their judgement is very parochial; truly they do not know what they don't know! Just yesterday at Curves one of the gals asked, "wow, how did you get from PA where you were born and raised to CA?" Unheard of for them but easy to me, "marry young, big bad mistake and then stay in CA." "But what, you didn't go back home?" "No I did not want to." How could they understand my streak of independence, let alone my life story? True I do not share my story openly with many. It takes some time to build that bridge of trust and familiarity and that is what I miss. My bridges with so many.

But today while ironing, thinking about our visit with our friends, I was reminded that is what I miss--that long time connection, a history, with those who know us, those who know our history. People with whom we share a long time bond.

In CA life was different. So many of us lived away from our families so we bonded. We formed connections stronger than family, we did build our own family. People reached out to one another and somehow linked. We became a family of choice. We learned about each other. Here no one is interested, they think everyone is like them and they neither ask nor learn about anyone else. Maybe it's their "MN nice." But to me it is very cold. The culture has a heavy Scandinavian influence and perhaps that is the way that culture is, closed. At least so it seems to me.

This weekend is "Applefest" here in La Crescent. It's a weekend long celebration of the apple orchards that used to be that made this town the Apple Capital of the State. No more, but they cling to the past, their history, try to resurrect it and celebrate it. People return to their home base. These are people who have expanded their horizons and their experiences far beyond this tiny settlement. People return knowing more. While they enjoy their respite, do they long for their pasts? I think not. Tomorrow the Legion hosts an "Old timers meal" one where the old folks eat, congregate and greet. Except the old folks are here, they've remained. Jerry's mother goes to this event each year. She's 92 and wonders why she knows no one from the past! Don't laugh, she means it--but does not realize she has outlived everyone! She has outlived her history.

When I am in PA and with my long time school friends, it is not just a reliving of our past, our history but a reconnection of that link. We update and enjoy. That's what this weekend was. We did not wallow in the past as we caught up on our lives. But that bond of history from the past binds us. They moved to NC to follow their son & family. It would not have been their place of choice, but they too wanted out of CA. Nevin should have been the first one out the door, retired military and wanting to leave long before we did. It just didn't happen until their son moved.

Too bad CA lost us all, because we all share a history of a place where we enjoyed chosen families. I don't think that happens anyplace else in this country--maybe AZ when the snow birds congregate? I think about this. While I don't cling to the past, I miss that link.

Is email dying?

Is email dying?

Vintage money and the $2 bill story

I thought this was so funny. Probably because our 19 year old grand daughter, Janine is fascinated with "old money." When she was here last year she noticed the $20 bills that Jerry was spending did not look like the $20 bills she sees all the time in CA where she lives. So we have begun to include vintage $$ with each of her birthday, Christmas gifts. so far she has a $10, $20 and a $50 which has been the piece de resistance. But she wants to keep her vintage money, "forever" she says, "just like Grandpa!" She cannot figure out where he gets this old money. We told her out in the back yard, we have a coffee can or two buried. I think she might believe that. This year for Christmas we are going to send her a $2 bill for sure with this story! Now her older brother has no problem spending any of the cash he receives, old or new. But not so with Janine, who now has the dilemma with the $50. She has so many needs in her opinion but keeping that vintage money seems to be her goal right now.

>
> Everyone should start carrying $2 bills! I am STILL laughing!! I think we need to quit saving our $2 bills and bring them out in public. The younger generation doesn't even know they exist.
>
>
> STORY:
>
> On my way home from work, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat. In my billfold are a $50 bill and a $2 bill. I figure that with a $2 bill, I can get something to eat and not have to worry about anyone getting irritated at me for trying to break a $50 bill.


> Me: 'Hi, I'd like one seven-layer burrito please, to go.'
>
> Server: 'That'll be $1.04. Eat in?'
>
> Me: 'No, it's to go.' At this point, I open my billfold and hand him the $2 bill. He looks at it kind of funny.
>
> Server: 'Uh, hang on a sec, I'll be right back.'
>
> He goes to talk to his manager, who is still within my earshot. The following conversation occurs between the two of them:
>
> Server: 'Hey, you ever see a $2 bill?'
>
> Manager : 'No. A what?'
>
> Server: 'A $2 bill. This guy just gave it to me..'
>
> Manager: 'Ask for something else. There's no such thing as a $2 bill.'
>
> Server: 'Yeah, thought so.' He comes back to me and says, 'We don't take these. Do you have anything else?'
>
> Me : 'Just this fifty. You don't take $2 bills? Why?'
>
> Server: 'I don't know.'
>
> Me: 'See here where it says legal tender?'
>
> Server: 'Yeah.'
>
> Me: 'So, why won't you take it?'
>
> Server: 'Well, hang on a sec.' He goes back to his manager, who has been watching me like I'm a shoplifter, and says to him, 'He says I have to take it..'
>
> Manager: 'Doesn't he have anything else?'
>
> Server: 'Yeah, a fifty. I'll get it and you can open the safe and get change
>
> Manager: 'I'm not opening the safe with him in here.'
>
> Server: 'What should I do?'
>
> Manager: 'Tell him to come back later when he has real money.'
>
> Server : 'I can't tell him that! You tell him.'
>
> Manager: 'Just tell him.'
>
> Server: 'No way! This is weird. I'm going in back.
>
> The manager approaches me and says, 'I'm sorry, but we don't take big bills this time of night.'
>
> Me: 'It's only seven o'clock! Well then, here's a two dollar bill.'
>
>Manager: 'We don't take those, either.'
>>
> Me: 'Why not?'
>
> Manager: 'I think you know why.'
>
>> Me: 'No really, tell me why.'
>
> > Manager : 'Please leave before I call mall security.'
>
> Me: 'Excuse me?'
>
> > Manager: 'Please leave before I call mall security.'


> Me: 'What on earth for?'
>
>> Manager: 'Please, sir.'
>
> > Me: 'Uh, go ahead, call them.'
>
>> Manager: 'Would you please just leave?'
>
> Me: 'No.'
>
> Manager: 'Fine - have it your way then.'
>
> Me: 'Hey, that's Burger King, isn't it?' At this point, he backs away from me and calls mall security on the phone around the corner.
>
> I have two people staring at me from the dining area, and I begin laughing out loud, just for effect. A few minutes later this 45-year-oldish guy comes in.

> Guard: 'Yeah, Mike, what's up?'
>
> Manager (whispering): 'This guy is trying to give me some (pause) funny money..'

> Guard: 'No kidding! What?'
>
>> Manager: 'Get this. A two dollar bill.'
>
>> Guard (incredulous): 'Why would a guy fake a two dollar bill?'
>
> Manager: 'I don't know. He's kinda weird. He says the only other thing he has is a fifty.'
>
> Guard: 'Oh, so the fifty's fake!'
>
> Manager: 'No, the two dollar bill is.'
>
> > Guard: 'Why would he fake a two dollar bill?'
>
>> Manager: 'I don't know! Can you talk to him, and get him out of here?'
>
>> Guard: 'Yeah.' Security Guard walks over to me and......
>
> Guard: 'Mike here tells me you have some fake bills you're trying to use.'
>
>> Me: 'Uh, no.'
>
> Guard: 'Lemme see 'em.'
>
> Me: 'Why?'
>
> > Guard: 'Do you want me to get the cops in here?' At this point I am ready to say, ' Sure, please!' but I want to eat, so I say , 'I'm just trying to buy a burrito and pay for it with this two dollar bill. I put the bill up near his face, and he flinches like I'm taking a swing at him. He takes the bill, turns it over a few times in his hands, and he says, 'Hey, Mike, what's wrong with this bill?'
>
> Manager: 'It's fake.'
>
> Guard: 'It doesn't look fake to me.'
>
> Manager: 'But it's a two dollar bill.'
>
> Guard: 'Yeah?
> '
> Manager: 'Well, there's no such thing, is there?'
>
> The security guard and I both look at him like he's an idiot, and it dawns on the guy that he has no clue and is an idiot .. So, it turns out that my burrito was free, and he threw in a small drink and some of those cinnamon thingies, too.
>
> Made me want to get a whole stack of two dollar bills just to see what happens when I try to buy stuff. If I got the right group of people, I could probably end up in jail. You get free food there, too.
>
> Just think...those two will be voting soon
>
> ....YIKES!!!
>
> Too late, we already have a nation full of them.
>

Blog revised arranged and another Book Read

Let's see if this different layout works. I did not want to go back to my dots, so this seems different and yet fitting.

Last night I finished reading "Barbara Bush, A Memoir" published in 1994. I picked it up on one of our travels where we stop at libraries and there it was hardback on sale. This book is a biggee, heavy, 532 pages, 4 appendices, lots of index pages and all around not something to take along in a purse. That is why it has taken me so long to get through as it was confined to the bedroom. This was a very nice book, surely resembling Barbara Bush who is quite comfortable in her own skin.

She is someone I would like to know, to sit with, to visit. Until the last when George lost the election the entire book was upbeat and even then she writes nothing negative, nothing critical just honestly writes it is a hard chapter to write. She almost wears out the word, "wonderful" or the phrases "we enjoyed" or "we like him/her/it/they very much."

 Barbara Bush just is one nice fine lady and the Memoir reflects that. Absolute honesty with many excerpts from the diaries she kept religiously make it worth reading. On Pg. 30 about investing and "realism overcame idealism" is a great phrase. This covers her life and the life with George . The chapter on the time they spent in China is a great bit of history when compared to china today. Her revelation about her bout with depression is a reminder that she is only too human. The photos are nice reminders of the history they lived. The book closes with a letter she wrote to her children but never sent. Great wisdom there for anyone, including, page 523, "Try and oh boy, how hard it is, to find the good in people and not the bad. I remember many years ago that I wasted so much time worrying about my mother. I suffered so because she and I had a chemical thing......Expect nobody to be perfect. Look for the good in others. forget the other." Barbara absolutely followed that advice in this book. Pleasant reading, history and personal anecdotes.

Don't expect any stunning revelations, nothing bizarre, just good life lived to the best of her ability. Page 524, "Do not buy something that you cannot afford, you do not need it!" Remember this was advice to her children, but she continues, "If you really need something and can't afford it...for heaven's sake call home. That's what family are all about. Do not try to live up to your neighbors. they won't look down on you if you don't have two television sets. ...They're only interested in their possessions not yours." Too bad more in this country did not take her advice and live within their means. Things might not be so upside down today. I especially enjoyed descriptions of the Bush's relationship with the Gorbachevs. Through the insight she shares, it revealed to me that Mikhail and his wife Rasia must have been capitalists at heart. so if you want a long book with nice words about everyone, read this. I'll not keep it, however. It goes to the Library Sale. But a book worth reading.

Fiddling with the look of the blog and talking furniture

I could not take the pink blog layout any longer. Maybe it has something to do with the wonderful cool nip in our air. Fall doesn't seem to be pink to me, but golden, green, orange, brown! So my blog has returned to its prior dots. Just don't get too used to it. I'm not satisfied with the look; I liked the layout of the pink better. Will have to spend some time getting what suits me. This is just like when I move or rearrange a room and don't like what I've done.

I am proud of me because today I took a big load of old Ideals magazines and more books to the library. Do you remember Ideals? How I loved them, the poetry, the artwork, and the quaint old stories. But again, too many and taking up too much space. I do not look back through them so most are gone now. I don't know if it is even published any more and have not seen it is a long time. I kept several of the Ideals though for a resource or just to enjoy now and then. I pedaled them up town on my way to Curves, in the basket of my trike--it sure was heavy and made for slow going especially up the hill. But I did it! As I pedaled along in 2nd gear, I thought it might be quite a sight if the weight of all the books and items in the basket made me go down the street on the back tires, front one up in the air kind of like ET come home! That didn't happen and when I unloaded at the library it was much easier going!

I am starting to prepare for arrival of our good friends from CA who now live in NC. They are stopping by next week on their way to a reunion in Montana. This means baking and meal planning and cleaning just so. I love company but sometimes woek myself into a tizzy unnecessarily. Unfortunately another friend from CA is in Minneapolis the same weekend for a convention. I still have not figured how to be in 2 places at once so will miss seeing Janie. I'd asked her to make her plans to stay in MN after her convention instead of before but that did not work with her schedule, so we will not likely get together. Or maybe I can get to Minneapolis for a quick lunch with her one day.

Arrival of company means I have earnestly begun my fall cleaning frenzy. Saturday, I started by waxing all the kitchen cabinets. Now all the wood is ready and looks great. Thankfully, I only do this once a year! I love our wooden furniture, floors, woodwork, but I do not like the work=upkeep to maintain it at its best. Ah Martha Stewart only instructs doubt she does the work, why not me! Oh, I have no one to instruct! I minimize or conserve my efforts to an annual event, usually right before holidays start in November. I see the hutch will want unloading and polishing all the inside mirrors and glass shelves. Ahh well I have not done that in a couple years so it is time. But later for that. Jerry does help there by doing the glass--he thinks I cannot do it right and that is just fine with me. So I don't try to do such a good job that it lets him off the hook. In ways he reminds me of my now dead Aunt. She was very particular about how things were done and kept me off limits for certain things--washing windows was one. I made streaks and that was not acceptable. well go ahead, doesn't hurt my feelings!

Our guest bedroom is always ready but I will give it a real polishing too tomorrow. One more antique dresser resides there now from the massive set we brought from PA from my aunt's home. That's it in the photo along with one of the old clocks that Jerry inherited from my aunt. Jerry got those clocks because she remembered that I am not handy and that old watches/clocks don't have a continuous life around me. When I went to PA in 2005 to care for her when she had a cancer operation, she was vehement that I not touch the clocks nor try to wind them. "Just leave them alone, I'll do it when I'm up. You'll overwind them or do something." Well I am not mechanically inclined. So years back she told Jerry to be sure he took the clocks and to keep my fingers away from them. That's right up his alley because he has great admiration for old clocks or clocks anyway.


I look at the wonderful antiques we have and think how life is unfair. These antiques were accustomed to the best of care by dedicated servants in their heydey in the Irwin mansions in PA. Ahh, wouldn't it be grand if I had servants to maintain these as the Irwin family did. No wonder they owned all the exquisite furniture with the curlicue's, and intricacies. I hope my antiques do not look down their noses at me and my meager efforts and recall how things used to be. Furniture may have a soul but good it can't talk to compare! So for me I am thankful for these and keep myself busy with keeping the dust off and using a q-tip occasionally. One room a day, that's all I ask! And sometimes not even that!