Wisdom of ages and wondering

2008  Uncle Carl and Aunt Jinx on his porch

Lately I seem to be channeling the sayings of my passed on relatives, especially my late Uncle Carl, whose advice to me was something he lived by, "Take it as it comes"  and "I am not gonna' worry about that."  And then there was my late Aunt Jinx, " Just be glad you are strong enough to work."  Mom's brother and sister who outlived her although she was the baby of the family, but that whole story would get me off track for this post.  I have been trying to write this for over a week but never have time, time is a premium to me.  

My grandma's antique hand washer
 at foot of stairs, fall decor

Now that Jerry is so limited,  well really he can do hardly anything, I have his chores along with mine which were always never ending.  Some days I get so weary.  The life we are living today, is certainly nothing we expected nor would have chosen, but it is what it is and all we can do is our best to go along.  I have given up decorating for both Halloween and Thanksgiving this year and chose only an autumn decor.  I used to love to change the holiday house decorations, but today, I have neither the energy nor the desire to engage there, too much else keeps me very occupied from morning until night.  Somedays by night I am beyond exhausted and yet somehow I still keep going.  It is then I hear Jinx, "be glad you are strong...."    So sometimes I get so annoyed with myself, for grumbling, whining to me.  I know there is so much to be thankful for, yet life feels overwhelming.

First snow 11-6 out living room window

Our back deck covered 11-6

 I have taken several days to write this latest lament, we had our first snow, far too early for me, last night.   I dread winter arriving this early.  It is bitter cold to me at  34 degrees out there today and yet I know that soon that will be considered a higher temperature.  This wintry stuff is why I did not want to move here when we retired but other life considerations won out and so here we are.  It was tolerable when we could migrate south for the winter and  enjoy with RV friends at rallies and in warmth.  But there again, life has changed and  so we cannot look back only be present and be grateful.  So I tell me. Yesterday Jerry and I went to Sam's, it was his first trip there in many months and he did fine and seemed to enjoy walking around.  He drove the truck so we could haul bags of water softener salt.  Each bag is 44 pounds and  dead weight that I cannot manage.  But he was able to lift the bags into our cart.  Previously I had the check out get the bags for me and load them into the car.  Yesterday we only got help loading them into the back of the truck.  When we got home he drove the truck around to the back walkout door and I hauled them into the well cellar by the water softener using a small dolly.  Was feeling that we had truly accomplished something, we have a supply now that should last all winter.  But last night I began to fret about the snow forecast and early this morning about 4:00AM I looked outside and sure enough white. Today was the day to set out the recycle bin so I dreaded that but decided to shovel the  step and clear a path to back out my car then take the bin down the drive for pick up.  Jerry though he might get the leaf blower out and blow some snow but it was too wet and heavy.  

Anyway I made enough progress and then decided to back out the car and let the rest of the snow set or wait to see if  our snow removal guy would be around today.  When I came into the garage IO did not raise the door all the way.  I went into the house for a potty stop and came out and began to back up when my XT5  alerted me by buzzing my seat and showing an indicator on the dash screen that I was backing up, fortunately slowly but not before I heard  a thump.  Good grief, I had forgotten that I had not fully opened the garage door.  But  I pulled in then raised it then backed out and dreaded what I saw as I took the recycle bin down the drive.  My roof antenna had been broken loose.  Lately I feel that there is a demon lurking here because if it were not for bad luck I would have none at all.  I want that sense of joy, peaceful heart that I used to have, really I did.  Where did it go?  

  Only been a month now since my last harrowing, well darned inconvenient,  escapade where unbeknownst to me I drove over fresh high way paint and spattered my  passenger side.  My XT5 Cadillac SUV only has 5,000 miles on it and is just barely a year old.  We bought it new last year.  Long story short all is fixed and the comprehensive insurance covered the body shop charges except for our deductible.  Although a siege and regrettable all was well that ended well.  I drove Jerry's truck while my SUV was being made  new.  So my escapade today finds me really whacking myself upside my head.  Am I becoming stupid, careless, or is there a curse haunting me?.  Jerry says I have taken on too much since he has been ill and I know I have, but that does not justify this stuff.  This will require another trip to the dealer and fortunately an adjustment to the garage door only.  It could have been so far worse, yet needed this like another hole in my head.  Jerry tells me to slow down, that I have too much happening in my head at once and reminds me I am not in my 50's or 60's and infact I will soon be 75, goodness 3/4 of a century!.  

Tomorrow November 7 will be one year since Jerry's successful lung cancer surgery.  I used to love November, my birthday month, the 13th.  But anymore I just do not know.  My last best friend Carlie died last November suddenly, unexpectedly, inoperable un-treatable, fatal fast lung cancer diagnosed when Jerry was undergoing his tests.  She did not make it.  I miss her, especially not being able to talk with her on the phone as we did weekly.  .  .So November, which is my natal month holds trepidation and here I go again.  Am I becoming overly  superstitious in my aging?    Is there an evil demon too near, have my guardian angels gone on vacation, if my prayers and faith are protecting me, just imagine how much worse it can be?  

Heed Uncle Carl's saying, "Take it as it comes...""""  And Biblical, "it came to pass.."  not to stay, I tell me. 

Weather or not it is

This was a wonderful portrayal of fall in the local newspaper last week, I shared it on my FB page.  But this week our weather turned overnight as it often can do here in MN.  There is truth in what the former old timers said, "if you don't like the weather just wait a day or less and it will change.."  So it happened here and although I am fond of four seasons and changes I no longer look forward to winter, it is too long and cold.  I did not mind it so much when we could travel south in our motor home, but this year again that will not be as Jerry still has not regained  full strength and stamina and needs  supplemental oxygen.  

October 6, our back deck corner

On October 6, it  continued with wonderful sun shiny warmth, in fact the thermometer on our back deck registered 90 at 5:00PM as this photo shows.  Well it wasn't that warm but that little corner of the deck accumulates the heat.  It was however a wonderful day, perfect for me to do outside gardening, my all purpose word for all the outdoor work I do, ranging from weeding, trimming, hauling, tidying, etc.  A change was imminent, the weather showed a  storm moving across Montana and snow predicted.  But at least  all we would get would be rain, not that we need more because we have had plenty, too much for the farmers to harvest. 

Me and my shadow Oct 6

 
We have had too much rain early in spring and now again, late planting and  some devastation for harvest.  Apples are running behind and this is prime apple season here, normally.  But for me as long as I get those sun shine days, I plod along and can manage to retain optimism and smiles.  

The  new trees all in a row and one pine stump left behind

We have had several major projects over the past months, having the entire exterior of our house painted, clearing away old lanky, spindly, pine trees gone bad out back along the back hillside, behind the garden.  Then beginning replacement landscaping with s one row of 6 ft. arbor vitae  before winter.  Phew, $$  that is all it takes, but so it goes, a joy of home ownership and  we are blessed to be able to afford the upkeep.  The landscape efforts were huge tasks and  even if Jerry were well we would have hired these done, but at least he would have overseen the efforts.  Not so  now, he  stays inside mostly and has to accept the outcomes.  Fortunately we have good trustworthy  workers who run reliable local businesses.  They are the kind we count on as do many around here, solid working folks.   

 The landscape efforts deserve their own blog post but for now, here is one photo of the back side  and the  new trees along with the fill dirt and  landscape net/hay/grass seed.  These efforts have me wishing I were bigger, stronger, taller, etc and often that I had more than two hands.  I recall several times, when I was a teenager and busy into things and had to choose one activity over another, I would lament to my Mother, " I wish I were twins...then I could do both."  Today I wish I were twins so I could get work done faster or more done in a day than I can solitary. But I am not twins, I am only me,  and at least I am blessed with good health, endurance and enjoyment of outside work.  Many others would like to do but are unable and worse, there are those who are too lazy to enjoy this activity.

Pinot Grigio wine and molasses cookies. 

A big benefit I gain is the ability to work and enjoy my treats without gaining weight.  And after a full day of work along with a morning  workout at the Y, I  treat myself to a nice wine and some bites.    It keeps my metabolism going to burn up calories and  many days I burn more than I consume. 

I just had all my medical  blood tests and got excellent results, so although I may grumble, and I sure do at times, wishing for help,  I am staying healthy.  And with being the primary support person here at home often today, that is a blessing.  And after all life is only what we make of it.  We cannot always  be sure what it will throw our way, but we can try to keep ourselves  as well prepared as possible to handle the tossings.  

Even the weather, yesterday we had our first flurries of snow mixed in with the cold wet rain.  Today it is only about 47 degrees and the cold winds have diminished, but I have kept busy inside.  Yesterday the same, as I changed the bed sheets to flannel, did laundry, domestic chores and even decorated some for fall.  When it is not sunshine outside, we can bring it inside with warmth and autumnal colors.  

This stunning arrangement came from our Festival market but it does brighten the living room on the coffee table.  An advantage of  a home, always something somewhere to keep me busy, maybe not what I want to do, but compared to others, I will take it. 

Autumnal bouquet

Living room coffee table with fall decor

One  part of the mantle with autumnal sprays