Out they go, I've been slow

 

Finally tossing these vintage tubes that were once upon a time used for tvs.  .  Last year I found them downstairs in Jerry's cellar workshop.  They belonged to my Uncle Carl in PA.  When he passed and we had to fully clear his home before I turned it over for the estate sale, Jerry took many things that Uncle Carl had squirreled away.  He brought them back here 5o MN.  Most went a few years ago when the online auction company cleared out the shop for me.  But some remained, these among the relics.   Stashed downstairs.  

Although I found these late last year, I posted on my FB hoping, I guess, that someone might want them.  There's my DNA, Teofil's granddaughter,  "you keep this, good stuff, you no have to feed them, someday you gonna want them, be glad you gave them then, you see"  and Carl's niece. I hate to just toss stuff but yet I know it is nerely stuff,  I have no use for it,  No one does.  

 I spotted this note from 1959, that Uncle Carl wrote on 1 box with tubes,  he was meticulous.   Anyway I had tossed another misc, brown bag of these, I set these boxed back on a shelf.  How I wish I could ask Jerry why he saved them,  especially because back then he cautioned me about not keeping things when we cleared Carl 's home.  The same happened a few years before when we cleared out Aunt Jinx home.

Pussy Willows

 I have always been fond of Pussy Willows. It's my Polish DNA.   I remember them being all around the creek beds when I was growing up in PA.   They are not common around here but several years ago a friend found and cut some for me from a hike in her northern area.  A Polish legend tells the tale

I posted this sketch and poem on my Facebook today.

Of tiny kittens, oh so frail.

Along the river's edge they chased.

With butterflies, they played and raced.

They came too close to the river's side,

And, thus, fell in. Their mother cried.

What could she do but weep and moan?

Her babies' fate were yet unknown.

The willows, by the river, knew

Just what it was that they must do.

They swept their graceful branches down

Into the waters, all around.

To reach the kittens was their goal;

A rescue mission, heart and soul.

The kittens grasped the branches tight.

The willows saved them from their plight.

Each springtime since, the story goes,

Willow branches now wear clothes.

Tiny fur like buds are sprung

Where little kittens once had clung.

And that's the legend, so they claim,

How Pussy Willows Got Their Name!

- Laura, 2016

{ Art by Anastasia Varnavskaya, special thanks to Louise, her FB Butterfly Cottage }

February weather improves

 

Feb 24 back yard towards shop

Yesterday, February 24 was our second decent "balmy" day in a row with sunshine.  Nearly all the snow has melted, so quickly from the vast whiteness that covered everything including the roof to only a few hills and mounds where it was shoveled.  I watched the water pouring out of the downspouts off the roof yesterday and today, thinking how easily amused I am.  Especially after such a long siege of sub zero and single digit temps that we've endured January and early February. I guess that is the blessing of living in  four seasons as they change, there is always something to ponder.  Yes I like change of seasons, I just wish the 4th season, aka winter here, was not so blasted long.  

Feb 14 heavy snow 

 

We haven't had many heavy snow doses but not as nice as last year when it felt like springtime in December. And we have had a couple of awful; freezing glazes that made it treacherous.  Though  streets and roads were cleared quickly the freezes seemed to happen while I was in Saturday evening mass and I was very careful skating to my car afterwards.  One Sunday when I switched from Saturday eve vigil  to have the Knights Annual Belgian Waffle breakfast, some nice man appeared out  of nowhere and helped me across the street.  A secret angel. 

The snows we have had like this last dump came down  for hours sometimes through the day.  I have saved money on snow plowing, only a couple times this year with the last for this coating that is now melted.  Mostly I was able to use the leaf blower to remove the snow dust from the driveway and walk.  hen too, good friend Gary showed up  a couple of times to clear it, saying he was bored.  Truthfully I think he just is being a good person, looking out for me, don't know what I'd do without them (he and Judy) to rely on here when I need something.  Though I do not pester them, I refuse to do that.  ,

It does become boring and tedious but I keep busy inside.  And this is the time of year I have the annual task of gathering the information to take to the accountant for tax preparation.  Still waiting on the last 1099's from my Investment accounts.  They are perpetually late, I was hoping for this week but likely going to be March.  Well nothing I can do about that, can't file the taxes without those statements.  

Before the snow came and covered everything it was so strange to see the lawns brown.  Around here it is either green or white covered.  But now with the melting although it is too soon for greenery I almost see a few blades here and there of green through the brown lawn.  .  I was able to dump some asparagus spear ends, eggshells and banana peel down the side hill this afternoon.  It ids my own landfill area where I pile leaves and other similar debris.  Sure will be some excellent compost among those trees from all that green trash.  

January

    

 I saw this today on a friend's FB post and thought it worth copying and keeping here.   

 Patricia Highsmith                The Price of Salt    

January.   It was all things.   And it was one thing, like a solid door. Its cold sealed the city in a gray capsule. J  anuary was moments, and January was a year.   January rained the moments down, and froze them in her memory.   Every human action seemed to yield a magic. January was a two-faced month, jangling like jester's bells, crackling like snow crust, pure as any beginning, grim as an old man, mysteriously familiar yet unknown, like a word one can almost but not quite define.

iWe continue here in arctic cold,  single digits overnight and maybe up to 20 degrees for an hour or so mid afternoons, if the sunshines.  No snow,which is  fine with me because it saves me $$.  I don't have to pay for plowing my driveway.  Still some mounds of snow remain in small patches, they are frozen ice mii hills.  Talking with a friend yesterdzy znd we agreed, " well  we just have to endure."  That's similar to living as a widow, we endure, we carry on, we survive.  

Today is Thursday, January 8.  But it took me until nearly 10:15 AMto realize that.  For some reason I woke up sure it was Friday and so began my day.  Since I do not eat meeat on Fridays I got a few shrimp out of the freezer to thaw for dinner, intending on making some pasta in garlick sauce with lemon , capers, and the shrimp.  I was astonished to figure out it is only Thursday but that is going to be my dinner anyway since the shrimp are thawing.  How did I lose a day?  There's a term for losing track of time, "time blindness", and in it's extremes it could be problematic.  Mostly if I lose track of time it's while I continue doing something like reading, going through photos, gardening, whatever that has me so engrossed that time flew by.  And it's later than I thought.   But never before have I lost a day!  Then again I was so happy that I gained an entire day back!  Oh it's these simple things that keep me going.  

I should be downstairs finishing up putting away the last of the Christmas decor but here I am at laptop, sharing my thoughts.  Tomorrow is another day, I tell me. And no one contradicts me, nor does anyone ask me what I'm doing now.   

PS  I cannot figure out why this post is not just plain text but outlined in white??? I'm tired of trying to fix it so here it goes.  

               

New Year 2025

 

And we are here in the arctic polar of southeast MN.  Only one wretched snowfall that lasted all day last month and there are still a few piles of  frozen snow patches from where the plow shoved it alongside the driveways.  But it is brutally cold.  On days like today when at least we are blessed with the glow of sunshine it appears  to be far warmer than it is,  today we will not even reach 20 degrees.  Yet it beats those drearier days of grey overcast and still cold.  This is not the kind of weather I ever wanted to spend my winters in, especially alone, but here I am.  

I try to find things to thank the Lord for daily, sometimes it is for just keeping me warm and safe. 

Me,  Christmas Eve
after mass home in pj's.  

Somedays I am just as content that I do not have to go out in this cold.  I keep busy inside and now as Epiphany arrives tomorrow, it will be time to begin to take down some of the holiday décor that  I did get out so that it would not be dreary.  I restrained myself because I do not like putting it away, that was a task Jerry always did so well.  I didn't appreciate it as much then, it was just what he did.  He always was more patient than me.  How I miss that man.  As I told him and as he believed I am doing OK,  I am ok financially much as prices rise, etc.  I'm not strapped.  But the  being alone for days with  contact only of phone calls  or texts is not fun.  Never expected to be so solitary.  It has been a challenge learning to live just with me.  Warmer weather is better because I can be outside  busy, digging, weeding, puttering.  But the winter is when I resume domestic activities  which I still do not relish, like polishing all the kitchen cabinets, a task I dragged out over a couple weeks this time.  I remind myself to be glad and thankful that I have the strength and stamina to do all this still.  

I did not intend to start my 2025 posts here with what is sounding like widow's lament.   But I have and now I do not have enough time before getting ready for Saturday evening mass to ponder and edit.  Saturday mass, sometimes it is the hilite of my social activity for the week.

So we mark another New Year, I have wished a happy one, automatically to many.  I will try to make it so for me too.    

December 11, yesterday marked 4 years

 

Snow dusting 

Unexpected snow dust came overnight, sosince I had to put out the recycle bin and also had a bag of trash, I used my leaf blower to clear tge driveway and front walk first.  It was only 20 degrees out there and overcast.  Little did I expect that to be the day's high temp!  By 3:00pm when I walked out to retrieve the bin and get the mail it was only 15 degrees.  

 I was glad I had no need to go anywhere..  Too brutal arctic frigid..  spent the day at home.  Kept busy,  downstairs.  I put the boxes back into the Christmas closet. 

 That cleared the debris and clutter from the reduced decorating I have done for this year.  I so dislike putting away after the holidays so saving self some annoyance this year.  Jerry always was best at packing stuff away.  Now that it is up to just me like all else, I reconsider.. 

After blowing snow and bin out,
some sun rays did not warm. Temps
Spiraled down 

That's just one of the things I remembered on this now going into my 4th year of widowhood.   This was the day in 2020 that he took his last breath, I day I knew would come, yet still did not expect.  I reme5feeling calm as I saw all the agony leave his face when he closed his eyes and his almost relaxed grin came.  I knew he was at peace.  He'd been babbling incoherently and there was nothing I could do but stand beside his hospital bed and hold his hand, watch his oxygen.  Today I am aware of how God's grace came right then, to strengthen and nourish me. In the past 4 years only with God's grace have I done so well.  I am blessed with a lifelong deep rooted Faith, learned beginning as a tot, Baba taught me to pray, signing myself in Polish.  Still today, I can easily pray that in Polish.  And how I wish I had learned more.

My Nanook of the North
Waddling Gear

So temps dipped lower and I had to wear my Nanook of the North Gear, or as I call it my waddling clothes, so bundled up and warm sweater underneath.  How much more colder things feel to me, where I used to wear  maybe long sleeves now I grab a velour top or sweater even inside.  I keep the house thermostat at 72 degrees, cooler than we used to, but comfortable for me.  I cannot let it get colder except at night in bed when I  let it down to 69 degrees.  Using less natural gas but paying more,  Still I can afford to be comfortable and I am not going to save and skimp and shiver in my own home.  And this morning, December 12 it dipped below zero overnight.  At 8:00AM it was still 3 below.,  That is brutal Arctic like, so another day of stay home and be glad you can.  This arctic cold surely is freezing off all the bugs that thrived in summer.  Locals said we had so many because it didn't get cold enough long enough.  Last winter  was nicer to me, but now December here we go,  Down to the coldness.  Oh and the darkness at even 4:00PM, that's been here too.  Something else that is a bit rougher aloine.  So I ignore it, pour my wine while I fix my dinner, turn the tv on to The Five and go on about things.  

Another thing Jerry told me was not to deprive myself.  What for? No need to leave more $$ to  others who  seldom even check in.  Yesterday Dec 11 was  4 years, finally Barb sent a text that she was thinking of me.  Later in the evening Gary called to check in.  Otherwise zippo.  I was not surprised, I've gotten used to it.  But he also said, "And just because someone tells you you need something, don't believe them."  He was talking about wasteful spending, charges for unnecessary, ever the sensible one.  

I remember something else Jerry told me, "Don't expect anything from people.  They are not like you."  He knew more than me and I didn't believe that then.  But now I do.   

These Foolish Things Remind Me

 

A/C covered and secured for winter

Bacon for Sunday

Yesterday with help from one true blue friend I got things put away for winter.  The air was very chilly and I knew it was time to get these things done.  After all November 17th  other years there's been the 4 letter s-word, snow!   He fastened and tied the A/c cover, hauled the park bench down to the shop, unfastened the hoses, unwound them to drain and hauled the back one to the shop too.  All this stuff Jerry always handled now it's up to me.

Lately I have been hungry for bacon.  Seldom do I cook it now.  Used to be a Sunday weekly ritual for breakfasts when Jerry was alive.  He loved bacon, especially Nueske's the only brand I would buy.  Now I buy bacon and roll the slices up individually,  wrap each in wax paper and seal them into a sandwhich bag for the freezer.  On the rare times I want bacon like a BLT in warmer months or a rare breakfast treat,  I can take out a couple slices.  Just another thing that has been adjusted in my solo life.  

This morning I cooked 5 slices, ate 2 and put the others into a baggie in the refrigerator .  It wasn't Nueske's just the Jimmie Dean brand I'd found on sale for only $3.99 for the lb. package at Festival.   So into the freezer for later.  I'll need a couple of those slices for the tenderloins of turkey breast I bought for my Thanksgiving dinner.  Anither solitary holiday approaches The other widows I know all have family with whom they will be eating, visiting, then there/s me.  I considered going across the river to the La Crosse or Onalaska ommunity dinners, but I couldn't face that alone too.  So after finding the turkey tenderloins I knew I;d be set at home.  All those memories of the big dinners we hosted for family on Thanksgiving and holidays. all different now.  

But life goes on.  I am thankful for good health, financial comfrt, a secure nice home and the abiiity to cook and do things for myself.  Itry to take good care of me, I am all I've got.  Me and memories.   

As I slowly fried it I recalled all those other Sundays when there was a we instead of just a me.

Oven mitts, remembrance

 

I read or hear from other widows about signs they believe were from their late husbands.   Most often it is something touching, sentimental, warm, fuzzy, touchy- feely.  For me, usually practical, like these oven glove mitts.  They see a Cardinal, I get a warning.   Years ago Jerry bought these silicon coated mitts  for me to use so I wouldn't burn my wrists putting things into or taking them out of the oven.  He was a practical guy and took care of everything, including me.  

Over these last almost 4 years I have surely realized that more and more.  I do have and use many potholders but I was always burning,searing the top of my wrists.  These mitts cover that.  Yes they are way too huge for my hand, but work.  Not pretty but practical, very handy and protective.  Now that temps are cooling I use my oven more.  

Last week I thought cornbread would be good with some of my leftover chili.  I hadn't thought about these old mitts.  For the last couple years, without Jerry reminding me, I hadn't used them.  They got shoved to the back of the cabinet,  forgotten about.  But when I dug out my smallest  cast iron skillet for the corn bread, there they were!  A reminder and truly just what I needed, my protection!  

BTW I made an excellent cornbread, my version with diced  jalapeños and  craisins, 

 cornmeal, some canned cream corn, eggs, baking powder and soda, bisquick and flour.  It was delicious!  No sugar, I do not like sweetened cornbread.  When Jerry was here I never added  jalapeños nor craisins, he'd not have liked that.  But for me, now, less than half the recipe and good.  

I was so happy to find those forgotten mitts. Saving my wrists now from burns.. All during the good weather when I am outside doing chores, weeding, trimming, I get cuts, scrapes, gashes from twigs, sticks, who knows what else.  And burns from using the oven, burns.  I can be dangerous to me.  Just a couple pics pf Jerry, patient, pondering, waiting for me.