Quick Read "South of Reason"

"South of Reason" by Cindy Eppes is her first novel. It's a good story through the voice of Kayla Sanders whose family story is revealed after they move back to the parent's home town in Texas. Nothing earth shattering here but it is a nice story about 13 year old Kayla and her testy relationship with her mother. The Grandma (Mom's mom) plays a big role in this tale as does Lou Jean Perry the lady next door whom Kayla befriends. What happened in the parent's high school years echos back through the book until the secrets are fully revealed. One critic wrote about the collision of two worlds, adult and adolescent, which sums up South of Reason. An easy read.

Driving myself up the banana tree and down again

We purchased this cute pearl white laptop HP Pavillion notebook to replace our old laptop which we use mostly for travel. The old one was way too slow, getting on my nerves and well we'd bought it in 2002 so it has long outlived it's recommended lifespan. That's another subject the throw aways in life today. Nothing is meant to last and no wonder the landfills are over expanded.

This new arrival which matches my pearl blackberry got me to making the leap to gmail. I've thought about switching before at the recommendation of friends who have been quite happy with gmail. But then I shudder considering all the accompanying changes & notifications that would bring. Well in a moment of "Why not" I did sign into gmail on the new laptop on Friday night. It works slick and I can import my current email into it. So far so good....bye bye outlook express which acts out at times and deserves the boot.

But here it is Sunday and I'm wondering what happened to my regular email account. I'm getting notificaitons on Pearl as I've linked her in ready to travel, but online no posts? Hmm? Then it hits me--I set it to import to gmail. Soooo off to check gmail.

But now the fun begins..what pass words did I use? I did not think to link it all into my existing Google with this blog. Oh no, I was going to keep gmail separate. Hmm--so what combination do I use to log first into Google then to gmail. That mystery question kept me chasing my tail happily for a bit.

While talking to a friend on the phone, bingo, revealation. Now I've got to record what I did & how I did it so I can do it again and again. Into the big binder. A binder that is increasing in size. This is my binder of passwords, log ins, etc. In the interest of cyber security I have made yet a dandy mess for myself. I do not use the same passwords for accounts--no duplication, protection from hackers, etc. But that means keeping track of all these multiple passwords, sign ins, user names and so on. Who can do this? Not the likes of me who used to have nightmares in high school about forgetting her locker combination. To remedy that I wrote the combination inside my friend Betty Ann's locker door. Pity me if she wasn't at school and I forgot. That never happened, but again the issue of security creates a need for deviousness that can outsmart myself.

It was not so complicated back then and come to think of it, why did we even lock our lockers. Mostly we did not. What did we have to steal in there--nothing. Some dirty gym clothes?

But today with passwords, logins, user id's and cyber space it is a whole new game. This has resulted in my big binder, alphabetized with all the pass words and means of intrigue to log me into the myriad of places I venture. I thought computers were to make our lives easier? Do away with paperwork! Think again. It has created yet another system to keep track of, accountability. And soon as I get to it, a database to enter my password so I can cyber store them and retrieve them from wherever I may be--but wait, that will mean another access code and another password to log onto that cyberbase....well back up for another banana!

Life is not simpler, not easier. It's just a vague hallucination that we think it might be someday!

Talking to myself

Sometimes when I am really deep in conversation with myself Jerry happens by and interrupts with a "what?" To which I respond immediately, "Don't interrupt I'm talking with myself!" It seems I get the best answers and dialogue this way and it sure beats ignoring things. Which brings me to this blog. I used to have a couple followers but they seem to have drifted. So here I am continuing to talk to myself.

Well it doesn't bother me, I like my own company. Unlike a certain widow woman friend who was so starved for company she sold her soul to the first man. Now she lives a life of subserviation to his needs and then wonders why her "nose gets bent."

Ah the life of independence, which I have always treasured even within the parameters of a nearly 42 year marriage! I learned early on in my 20's working as a single mother at McClellan AFB in CA that I must be able to provide for me and my child. I learned this by watching those poor old ladies! Now remember here I am not much past 21 and I see old ladies in their 40's! They have had to come to work for the first time in their lives--why because the hubby got ill, ran off with a younger babe or lost his job. Suddenly they were thrust into the workforce, trying to earn a living with absolutely no skills 'cept that of a "homemaker." Well that was one time in my life I paid attention and learned from others' mistakes. I will not ever walk that path.

And I have not. I had a very rewarding professional career. And fortunately for me, Jerry always encouraged me to work outside the home. I don't know if he knew it would be better for my mental state or was just wanting the extra income. But we both agreed and above all, I especially remembered those poor old 40 year olds!

Well flash forward today as I am retired from a state government position, enjoying a great retirement income though it is shrinking as the economy continues to spiral. And I look right around here and see a repeat of the poor souls but singing a different verse of the same song. This lady (and she is) devoted her life to raising a wonderful big family, but her husband died. So there she is bereft and unable to live in solitude. She has sold out to being "cared for" so she must think by a guy who is arrogant at best and absolutely controlling and demanding. Sometimes I feel sorry for her frustration, but then I get annoyed and think, "you dummy, you should not have sold out your soul."

Lesson learned: "Be happy with your own company." And if you get too lonely volunteer, travel and or get a nice small dog!

My grandma Rose, my mother's mother came to live with us after my grandpap died. I was a junior in high school. Well those were the old days and the adults took care of their elderly. There was no discussion she just moved up the hill to our house. I remember Baba (Polish for grandma) sitting on the porch visiting with the priest who said, "Rose, you might someday meet another man and remarry." To which she opened all barrels and shot back, "Tye gupia!" That's misspelled Polish for "what are you crazy or somethin'?" "I had one man and that was enough!" My grandma would have no more fallen into the trap of caring for some old goat than she would have jumped into the Allegheny River. I learned that lesson from her.

I had strong women in my family. I have written about my Aunt Jinx who died in July. And even though some might have thought my Grandma to be a traditional woman, she had her thoughts and ways. For one, she played the numbers through the bookie in the back of the butcher shop in town. Every morning she asked me what I dreamt and then she pulled out her little dream book and looked up the dream. I have that or a copy of an old one today with the numbers there. Trouble is it is so limited, still I think I will someday hit the lottery if I can remember to look up my dreams in that book and play those numbers! She made bucks off my dreams and kept that money aside for her and me. For a long time that's how we went to the movies (sometimes two) on a Sunday afternoon after church. And we always enjoyed an ice cream treat at Isaly's on the way home! Her and me! She never let my Granpap know about her winnings; it was a secret she kept with me. So though she might have been traditional she had an independent streak. And my other Grandma Anna Ball who was widowed young confided in me when she visited years later in CA, that she wised she had kept on in her career as a seamstress. She was a wonderful seamstress and dress designer and said "I could have had a better life if I had worked..."

This brings me to close this post to myself, that life has been good and the independence is what has helped us have a better life. It is why I worry about my grand daughter in CA who has spent her life under control of her parents. She has had no independence, lives at home going to a junior college. And now appears to be trading parental control for control by a boyfriend named John! What a waste of independence. She is only 19 and has not had enough life experience to settle for the first guy out of the shoot. But naivete and dependence are her experiences. I hope this does not continue but I fear it will. I continue to hope she really gets educated instead of indoctrination and settling for dependence on someone else.

And since I know that the less said the better,lest she gravitate toward him even more, I am disappointed to myself and talk to me about how to best get this into her head....Talking to myself--is that a sign of really slipping a cog or the wise thing to do?

Folly

Folly by Laurie R.King was another great mystery by a favorite writer who can express herself well without resorting to four letter words and bad language. Folly features Rae Newborn, a widow, woodworker, artist, woman of a certain age, grandmother, mother and recovering mental health patient. I love all Laurie King's books because I can never guess who dunnit. Folly told through Rae's experience as she returns to an island off the coast of WA to rebuild her great uncle's demolished home. Folly interweaves two mysteries; that of Rae and of her long deceased great Uncle Desmond. 400 pages of good writing and and good mystery, I hated to put down. And I never saw the ending coming! A good read!

Two reads and a skim

"Four Spirits" by Sena Jeter Naslund was a disappointment to me. This author had written one of my very favorites, "Ahab's Wife" but this novel doesn't quite measure up. I skimmed through this which has great characters but not that great of a story line. It did not hold my interest as I'd hoped. Set in Birmingham, AL in the 1960's during the civil rights struggle. Narrated through the voice of Stella Silver, an idealistic white college student and Christine Taylor, student at a black college. Many characters have voices in the history of this time. The 4 spirits are four young black girls who are killed in the firebombing of a black church. Just a big disappointment.


"Vital Lies" by Ellen Hart. This was an ok easy read mystery without bad language. Set in MN on a lake, where the owner is challenged to hold onto her investment in a lovely old inn amidst threats and nasty pranks. Someone wants her out of there, but who is it? I would likely not have picked this up had I read the back cover, a Lambda Literary Awards selection for best lesbian mystery. I will leave it there. The characters were interesting but that is not a lifestyle I am interested in hearing about.

"The Authorized Biography of Anthony Hopkins" by Quentin Falk. I admire Antohony Hopkins and I enjoy biographies. This book revealed some small things about his life but focused a great detail on all the plays and theater which has made him famous. I'd have preferred more personal detail, but maybe I'm just nosey! A drama student would find this intriguing. Hopkins beginnings in Wales and encounters with Richard Burton are interesting. Here and there are bits about his struggles in school as a young boy, a slow learner, a pianist, a child who preferred being alone--all traits which he carried on into adulthood. The end of his first early marriage and how he cuts off all contact with his daughter for her own good is touching. Way later in life they reunite but for this reason he prefers to never have any other children. His 2nd wife Jenni is truly his soul mate. His struggle with alcoholism is discussed including reflections from Jenni. A funny episode described his struggles working with or around Shirley McClain in "A Change of Seasons." Hopkins has a fantastic sense of humor shown in impersonations. At one time he is off set ill for a few days and not yet expected to return when President Richard Nixon appears on the set. Humorously Nixon is none other than Tony himself! After he conquers/cures his alcoholism he retreats to a solitary existence in a Topanga canyon home which he impulsively purchased. Uncertain whether their marriage will endure, Jenni shares how she coped with this struggle on her own. This episode reveals something about how she finally learns to be her own person and get a life. This passage is good reading for the clingy woman who has a man as her sole means to exist. "..I rely on him absolutely....but what he couldn't be any more was 101% of everything for me. I realized I had to have my own life too. I had to be more resilient. Tony's a great believer in the fact that nobody should live through another person; everyone should try and get on as much as possible with their own lives......" I learned that lesson long ago as a young 20 something working at McClellan AFB in CA. Fortunately for me, Jerry reinforced that so I have never been the clingy little woman and have little to no patience for those who are. Even if they are in my own family. If I could get anything through to my grand daughter it would be just that--get and keep a life, be neither dominated nor controlled by one person...know something on your own and for God's sake don't cling!

History with a family of choice.

Our good long time friends from CA, Nevin and Alicia, who now live in NC spent a few days here on their way west. This was their second trip here and we have yet to make it to NC. We really enjoyed the visit. Lots of laughs, reminiscing, eating, drinking, laughing and showing them the local sites.

I got to thinking today that is what I miss the most about being relocated, the familiarity of our history. We do not live in the past but it is a strong link that pulls us together today. Even though most of my friends also relocated out of CA when we all retired, I ponder how it might have been had we all stayed. It is a difficult transition for me here in the MN, small town Midwest. No one who really knows me. I volunteer and belong to several organizations of interest to me, but it is not the same, the history is lacking. I've met only two professional retired women. There are few here where I can buzz by and say, "hey, let's go to ...the store, library, Starbucks.." Even those in the organizations have their own circle with them, the quilters, the Legion auxiliary, the church.

This is a place where people are born and raised for generations and never venture away from hearth and home. This limits their experiences and their judgement is very parochial; truly they do not know what they don't know! Just yesterday at Curves one of the gals asked, "wow, how did you get from PA where you were born and raised to CA?" Unheard of for them but easy to me, "marry young, big bad mistake and then stay in CA." "But what, you didn't go back home?" "No I did not want to." How could they understand my streak of independence, let alone my life story? True I do not share my story openly with many. It takes some time to build that bridge of trust and familiarity and that is what I miss. My bridges with so many.

But today while ironing, thinking about our visit with our friends, I was reminded that is what I miss--that long time connection, a history, with those who know us, those who know our history. People with whom we share a long time bond.

In CA life was different. So many of us lived away from our families so we bonded. We formed connections stronger than family, we did build our own family. People reached out to one another and somehow linked. We became a family of choice. We learned about each other. Here no one is interested, they think everyone is like them and they neither ask nor learn about anyone else. Maybe it's their "MN nice." But to me it is very cold. The culture has a heavy Scandinavian influence and perhaps that is the way that culture is, closed. At least so it seems to me.

This weekend is "Applefest" here in La Crescent. It's a weekend long celebration of the apple orchards that used to be that made this town the Apple Capital of the State. No more, but they cling to the past, their history, try to resurrect it and celebrate it. People return to their home base. These are people who have expanded their horizons and their experiences far beyond this tiny settlement. People return knowing more. While they enjoy their respite, do they long for their pasts? I think not. Tomorrow the Legion hosts an "Old timers meal" one where the old folks eat, congregate and greet. Except the old folks are here, they've remained. Jerry's mother goes to this event each year. She's 92 and wonders why she knows no one from the past! Don't laugh, she means it--but does not realize she has outlived everyone! She has outlived her history.

When I am in PA and with my long time school friends, it is not just a reliving of our past, our history but a reconnection of that link. We update and enjoy. That's what this weekend was. We did not wallow in the past as we caught up on our lives. But that bond of history from the past binds us. They moved to NC to follow their son & family. It would not have been their place of choice, but they too wanted out of CA. Nevin should have been the first one out the door, retired military and wanting to leave long before we did. It just didn't happen until their son moved.

Too bad CA lost us all, because we all share a history of a place where we enjoyed chosen families. I don't think that happens anyplace else in this country--maybe AZ when the snow birds congregate? I think about this. While I don't cling to the past, I miss that link.

Is email dying?

Is email dying?

Vintage money and the $2 bill story

I thought this was so funny. Probably because our 19 year old grand daughter, Janine is fascinated with "old money." When she was here last year she noticed the $20 bills that Jerry was spending did not look like the $20 bills she sees all the time in CA where she lives. So we have begun to include vintage $$ with each of her birthday, Christmas gifts. so far she has a $10, $20 and a $50 which has been the piece de resistance. But she wants to keep her vintage money, "forever" she says, "just like Grandpa!" She cannot figure out where he gets this old money. We told her out in the back yard, we have a coffee can or two buried. I think she might believe that. This year for Christmas we are going to send her a $2 bill for sure with this story! Now her older brother has no problem spending any of the cash he receives, old or new. But not so with Janine, who now has the dilemma with the $50. She has so many needs in her opinion but keeping that vintage money seems to be her goal right now.

>
> Everyone should start carrying $2 bills! I am STILL laughing!! I think we need to quit saving our $2 bills and bring them out in public. The younger generation doesn't even know they exist.
>
>
> STORY:
>
> On my way home from work, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat. In my billfold are a $50 bill and a $2 bill. I figure that with a $2 bill, I can get something to eat and not have to worry about anyone getting irritated at me for trying to break a $50 bill.


> Me: 'Hi, I'd like one seven-layer burrito please, to go.'
>
> Server: 'That'll be $1.04. Eat in?'
>
> Me: 'No, it's to go.' At this point, I open my billfold and hand him the $2 bill. He looks at it kind of funny.
>
> Server: 'Uh, hang on a sec, I'll be right back.'
>
> He goes to talk to his manager, who is still within my earshot. The following conversation occurs between the two of them:
>
> Server: 'Hey, you ever see a $2 bill?'
>
> Manager : 'No. A what?'
>
> Server: 'A $2 bill. This guy just gave it to me..'
>
> Manager: 'Ask for something else. There's no such thing as a $2 bill.'
>
> Server: 'Yeah, thought so.' He comes back to me and says, 'We don't take these. Do you have anything else?'
>
> Me : 'Just this fifty. You don't take $2 bills? Why?'
>
> Server: 'I don't know.'
>
> Me: 'See here where it says legal tender?'
>
> Server: 'Yeah.'
>
> Me: 'So, why won't you take it?'
>
> Server: 'Well, hang on a sec.' He goes back to his manager, who has been watching me like I'm a shoplifter, and says to him, 'He says I have to take it..'
>
> Manager: 'Doesn't he have anything else?'
>
> Server: 'Yeah, a fifty. I'll get it and you can open the safe and get change
>
> Manager: 'I'm not opening the safe with him in here.'
>
> Server: 'What should I do?'
>
> Manager: 'Tell him to come back later when he has real money.'
>
> Server : 'I can't tell him that! You tell him.'
>
> Manager: 'Just tell him.'
>
> Server: 'No way! This is weird. I'm going in back.
>
> The manager approaches me and says, 'I'm sorry, but we don't take big bills this time of night.'
>
> Me: 'It's only seven o'clock! Well then, here's a two dollar bill.'
>
>Manager: 'We don't take those, either.'
>>
> Me: 'Why not?'
>
> Manager: 'I think you know why.'
>
>> Me: 'No really, tell me why.'
>
> > Manager : 'Please leave before I call mall security.'
>
> Me: 'Excuse me?'
>
> > Manager: 'Please leave before I call mall security.'


> Me: 'What on earth for?'
>
>> Manager: 'Please, sir.'
>
> > Me: 'Uh, go ahead, call them.'
>
>> Manager: 'Would you please just leave?'
>
> Me: 'No.'
>
> Manager: 'Fine - have it your way then.'
>
> Me: 'Hey, that's Burger King, isn't it?' At this point, he backs away from me and calls mall security on the phone around the corner.
>
> I have two people staring at me from the dining area, and I begin laughing out loud, just for effect. A few minutes later this 45-year-oldish guy comes in.

> Guard: 'Yeah, Mike, what's up?'
>
> Manager (whispering): 'This guy is trying to give me some (pause) funny money..'

> Guard: 'No kidding! What?'
>
>> Manager: 'Get this. A two dollar bill.'
>
>> Guard (incredulous): 'Why would a guy fake a two dollar bill?'
>
> Manager: 'I don't know. He's kinda weird. He says the only other thing he has is a fifty.'
>
> Guard: 'Oh, so the fifty's fake!'
>
> Manager: 'No, the two dollar bill is.'
>
> > Guard: 'Why would he fake a two dollar bill?'
>
>> Manager: 'I don't know! Can you talk to him, and get him out of here?'
>
>> Guard: 'Yeah.' Security Guard walks over to me and......
>
> Guard: 'Mike here tells me you have some fake bills you're trying to use.'
>
>> Me: 'Uh, no.'
>
> Guard: 'Lemme see 'em.'
>
> Me: 'Why?'
>
> > Guard: 'Do you want me to get the cops in here?' At this point I am ready to say, ' Sure, please!' but I want to eat, so I say , 'I'm just trying to buy a burrito and pay for it with this two dollar bill. I put the bill up near his face, and he flinches like I'm taking a swing at him. He takes the bill, turns it over a few times in his hands, and he says, 'Hey, Mike, what's wrong with this bill?'
>
> Manager: 'It's fake.'
>
> Guard: 'It doesn't look fake to me.'
>
> Manager: 'But it's a two dollar bill.'
>
> Guard: 'Yeah?
> '
> Manager: 'Well, there's no such thing, is there?'
>
> The security guard and I both look at him like he's an idiot, and it dawns on the guy that he has no clue and is an idiot .. So, it turns out that my burrito was free, and he threw in a small drink and some of those cinnamon thingies, too.
>
> Made me want to get a whole stack of two dollar bills just to see what happens when I try to buy stuff. If I got the right group of people, I could probably end up in jail. You get free food there, too.
>
> Just think...those two will be voting soon
>
> ....YIKES!!!
>
> Too late, we already have a nation full of them.
>

Blog revised arranged and another Book Read

Let's see if this different layout works. I did not want to go back to my dots, so this seems different and yet fitting.

Last night I finished reading "Barbara Bush, A Memoir" published in 1994. I picked it up on one of our travels where we stop at libraries and there it was hardback on sale. This book is a biggee, heavy, 532 pages, 4 appendices, lots of index pages and all around not something to take along in a purse. That is why it has taken me so long to get through as it was confined to the bedroom. This was a very nice book, surely resembling Barbara Bush who is quite comfortable in her own skin.

She is someone I would like to know, to sit with, to visit. Until the last when George lost the election the entire book was upbeat and even then she writes nothing negative, nothing critical just honestly writes it is a hard chapter to write. She almost wears out the word, "wonderful" or the phrases "we enjoyed" or "we like him/her/it/they very much."

 Barbara Bush just is one nice fine lady and the Memoir reflects that. Absolute honesty with many excerpts from the diaries she kept religiously make it worth reading. On Pg. 30 about investing and "realism overcame idealism" is a great phrase. This covers her life and the life with George . The chapter on the time they spent in China is a great bit of history when compared to china today. Her revelation about her bout with depression is a reminder that she is only too human. The photos are nice reminders of the history they lived. The book closes with a letter she wrote to her children but never sent. Great wisdom there for anyone, including, page 523, "Try and oh boy, how hard it is, to find the good in people and not the bad. I remember many years ago that I wasted so much time worrying about my mother. I suffered so because she and I had a chemical thing......Expect nobody to be perfect. Look for the good in others. forget the other." Barbara absolutely followed that advice in this book. Pleasant reading, history and personal anecdotes.

Don't expect any stunning revelations, nothing bizarre, just good life lived to the best of her ability. Page 524, "Do not buy something that you cannot afford, you do not need it!" Remember this was advice to her children, but she continues, "If you really need something and can't afford it...for heaven's sake call home. That's what family are all about. Do not try to live up to your neighbors. they won't look down on you if you don't have two television sets. ...They're only interested in their possessions not yours." Too bad more in this country did not take her advice and live within their means. Things might not be so upside down today. I especially enjoyed descriptions of the Bush's relationship with the Gorbachevs. Through the insight she shares, it revealed to me that Mikhail and his wife Rasia must have been capitalists at heart. so if you want a long book with nice words about everyone, read this. I'll not keep it, however. It goes to the Library Sale. But a book worth reading.

Fiddling with the look of the blog and talking furniture

I could not take the pink blog layout any longer. Maybe it has something to do with the wonderful cool nip in our air. Fall doesn't seem to be pink to me, but golden, green, orange, brown! So my blog has returned to its prior dots. Just don't get too used to it. I'm not satisfied with the look; I liked the layout of the pink better. Will have to spend some time getting what suits me. This is just like when I move or rearrange a room and don't like what I've done.

I am proud of me because today I took a big load of old Ideals magazines and more books to the library. Do you remember Ideals? How I loved them, the poetry, the artwork, and the quaint old stories. But again, too many and taking up too much space. I do not look back through them so most are gone now. I don't know if it is even published any more and have not seen it is a long time. I kept several of the Ideals though for a resource or just to enjoy now and then. I pedaled them up town on my way to Curves, in the basket of my trike--it sure was heavy and made for slow going especially up the hill. But I did it! As I pedaled along in 2nd gear, I thought it might be quite a sight if the weight of all the books and items in the basket made me go down the street on the back tires, front one up in the air kind of like ET come home! That didn't happen and when I unloaded at the library it was much easier going!

I am starting to prepare for arrival of our good friends from CA who now live in NC. They are stopping by next week on their way to a reunion in Montana. This means baking and meal planning and cleaning just so. I love company but sometimes woek myself into a tizzy unnecessarily. Unfortunately another friend from CA is in Minneapolis the same weekend for a convention. I still have not figured how to be in 2 places at once so will miss seeing Janie. I'd asked her to make her plans to stay in MN after her convention instead of before but that did not work with her schedule, so we will not likely get together. Or maybe I can get to Minneapolis for a quick lunch with her one day.

Arrival of company means I have earnestly begun my fall cleaning frenzy. Saturday, I started by waxing all the kitchen cabinets. Now all the wood is ready and looks great. Thankfully, I only do this once a year! I love our wooden furniture, floors, woodwork, but I do not like the work=upkeep to maintain it at its best. Ah Martha Stewart only instructs doubt she does the work, why not me! Oh, I have no one to instruct! I minimize or conserve my efforts to an annual event, usually right before holidays start in November. I see the hutch will want unloading and polishing all the inside mirrors and glass shelves. Ahh well I have not done that in a couple years so it is time. But later for that. Jerry does help there by doing the glass--he thinks I cannot do it right and that is just fine with me. So I don't try to do such a good job that it lets him off the hook. In ways he reminds me of my now dead Aunt. She was very particular about how things were done and kept me off limits for certain things--washing windows was one. I made streaks and that was not acceptable. well go ahead, doesn't hurt my feelings!

Our guest bedroom is always ready but I will give it a real polishing too tomorrow. One more antique dresser resides there now from the massive set we brought from PA from my aunt's home. That's it in the photo along with one of the old clocks that Jerry inherited from my aunt. Jerry got those clocks because she remembered that I am not handy and that old watches/clocks don't have a continuous life around me. When I went to PA in 2005 to care for her when she had a cancer operation, she was vehement that I not touch the clocks nor try to wind them. "Just leave them alone, I'll do it when I'm up. You'll overwind them or do something." Well I am not mechanically inclined. So years back she told Jerry to be sure he took the clocks and to keep my fingers away from them. That's right up his alley because he has great admiration for old clocks or clocks anyway.


I look at the wonderful antiques we have and think how life is unfair. These antiques were accustomed to the best of care by dedicated servants in their heydey in the Irwin mansions in PA. Ahh, wouldn't it be grand if I had servants to maintain these as the Irwin family did. No wonder they owned all the exquisite furniture with the curlicue's, and intricacies. I hope my antiques do not look down their noses at me and my meager efforts and recall how things used to be. Furniture may have a soul but good it can't talk to compare! So for me I am thankful for these and keep myself busy with keeping the dust off and using a q-tip occasionally. One room a day, that's all I ask! And sometimes not even that!

Favorite reads from the past

I am earnestly clearing some of my all time favorites from the book shelves which have become toooooo overloaded. September 5 is our library's book sale and I am donating so they can raise funds. These are books I have enjoyed so much that I was sure I had to keep them. But wrong! I never look back and reread them because there are so many books to look ahead to and more all the time. I realize I do not need to maintain such an extensive library as I have for myself. No one ever comes and borrows a book here like they used to in CA. Of course in CA during career days I was around more people. In CA I had an army of reading friends and colleagues who swapped, traded, lent, borrowed books. Not here. So this is another awakening from clearing out my aunt's home in PA, just move it along. I'm a life long book lover so this takes lots of talking to myself, to keep moving these along. Especially paperbacks. I loved reading all these book and unless I wrote something in them, or tagged pages, I will not be quoting from them. I am guilty of buying previously read books at sales and less I do that again, I will list these on my blog so I will know that I've already been there! Most of these I will not forget, but since I have done it before, I'm trying prevention.

"Seabiscuit" by Laura Hillenbrand. Read this before I would allow myself to see the movie. Great story about a great KY Derby winner in the old days of horse racing. This edition has excellent photos, references, anthology and a reader's guide in the back by the author. Our friend/neighbor/sometimes adopted daughter in CA is a jockey/trainer all around horse bum gal. But she doesn't read like her dad did and so sending this to her would not be worthwhile.

"Ahab's Wife, or the Star Gazer" by Sena Jeter Naslund I read this in February 2005 after I really retired. I thought I retired in October 2004 but agreed to return in January. That only convinced me if I had not meant it in October I really meant it now. But onto this book! I read a lot when I worked because I had a long commute into and out of Sacramento daily. While we commuters were quite social there were many times that I just cherished the time retreating into a good book. I found after I retired I was not having the same amount of time to read so had to make time daily, usually end of the day to get my words in! This book about the wife left behind on land while Captain Ahab, of Moby Dick fame is off whaling is one of my all time favorites. Her life story including going to sea disguised as a young boy weaves through Kentucky, Nantucket and beyond. In 117chapters, 666 pages and a layout of illustrations reminiscent of old sketches ,unique to this author, the tale takes many turns. Ahead of her time and yet part of it our story teller keeps going. Some chapters are like short letters, extracts of stories. There are wonderful quotes throughout this book. From it's opening lines"Captain Ahab was neither my first husband not my last....." you know you are in for a good story. NY Times proclaimed it one of the year's five best novels in 2000; the novel received many other accolades.

I am wondering if I can really part with this book, with illustrations. I have the pages of this book tagged with so many great lines; page 609, "don't you love reading? How is that so different from writing?"

Page 297, "Beware the treachery of words, Mrs. Sparrow. They mean one thing to one person and the opposite to another. They are like all conventional land born habits. Words seem to be well-woven baskets ready to hold your meaning, but they betray you with rotted corners and splintered stays."

Page 178, "People cross our paths casually, when trumpets should blare. So it was with my first sighting of the Pequod and the man who would become a husband"

Well I could not part with this book; it is back on the shelf where it will stay!


The following are all authored by Laurie King, introdced to me by a friend years back in CA. Laurie is a CA author who created a wonderful mystery series featuring Mary Russell, an apprentice to Sherlock Holmes who becomes his wife. I loved the Sherlock Holmes mysteries as a teenager so it was delightful to discover this fantasy. What if he had married, who would it be? Laurie King also wrote mysteries about Kate Martineli, a San Francisco police detective. I have passed along some of her books and for some reason kept these which are now going to the library sale. They are al delightful mysteries, no bad language and just good reading. Nothing too deep, but enjoyable.

"A Monstrous Regiment of Women" It's 1921 and Mary Russell, Sherlock Holmes apprentice, inherits a considerable amount. She however prowls nightly through London's darker streets in disguise.
"The Beekeeper's Apprentice" According to King Sherlock kept bees on the moor in his spare time. This book uses that theme to introduce Mary. I loved the line Sherlock speaks to Mary, "Guessing is a weakness brought on by indolence and should never be confused with intuition." Doesn't that sound like Sherlock?
"The Moor" Married to Sherlock, Mary abandons her Oxford studies to assist him in an investigation on Dartmoor. Where there have been sightings of a coach carrying a long dead noblewoman, more intriguing than the phantom hound of the Baskervilles.
"O Jerusalem" takes place near the end of 1918 when Sherlock flees England with Mary to British occupied Palestine with help from his brother, Mycroft. Murders seem unrelated to the increasing tensions among the Jews, Muslims, and Christians, but Sherlock is not so sure. Their investigation leads them through bazaars, hovels, monasteries, and into the ever present mortal danger of an adversary. I remember this one had me on the edge of my seat.
"A Letter of Mary" As I recall, this adventure begins when Mary opens a trunk that mysteriously is delivered to her. A letter within leads to many intriguing events.
"The Game" This may be the last Mary Russel mystery I read in April2006. New Years 1924, finds Mary relaxing with Sherlock when Mycroft visits with news that is intriguing. A package arrives from Kimball O'Hara of Rudyard Kipling's fame. O'Hara is then missing and Mary and Sherlock travel to India to search for him.
"With Child" is a Kate Martinelli mystery. Kate is engaged by a 12 year old Jules to search for a homeless boy, Dio.

"the 5 people you meet in heaven" by Mitch Albom. This title is just like that with small letters. I read this in November 2003 on our return trip to CA from MN. I do not understand how and why this book was so acclaimed. It was decent motor home reading but not something that I recommended. I don't know why it has remained on my shelf but it goes to the library now. One review said this is a a sad book narrated by a sad soul; and in this heaven God and his glory are not the center of attention. It's all about you. Perhaps those who need to feel it is all about them made this book popular. One good quote about love on Page 173 strikes me still today, "Lost love is still love, ... It takes a different form....You can't see their smile or bring them food or tousle their hair or move them around a dance floor. But when those senses weaken, another heightens. Memory. Memory becomes your partner. You nurture it. You hold it. You dance with it....Life has to end, she said, Love doesn't."

"Belong to Me"by Marisa de los Santos. I read this in June 2008 and wrote then that it was a good summer chic read. I have lent it out to several people but it is time to remove it from my permanent shelf. Nice phrases abound in this novel about Cornelia Brown who leaves city life for a laid back suburb after marrying Teo. The suburb is not all that welcoming though to a newcomer. The characters (local desperate housewives) are interesting and there is a unique twist that I did not see coming.

Tall weeds and collections

Yesterday was about as good a day as it gets, weather wise and relaxation style. I sprayed my long neglected roses with some fungicide to ward off the black spot attacks that are sure to increase now with our delightful, fall like, cool weather. I also pulled many more tall weeds out of the garden though there are more yet to go. I posted on Facebook how tall the weeds are and if anyone doubts me, check out the photo. They are taller than me. I'm only 5'3" but still, how do weeds materialize from nowhere and thrive in 3 weeks while cultivated plants cannot? We miss our fresh veggies out of the garden this year but are making do with trips to the local farmers markets. I am only pulling weeds with full tennies on in the garden now. Why? Because on Saturday as I was shucking fresh corn for dinner near the garden I witnessed a big grass snake chasing a smallish fat brown rodent, like the critter that invaded our garage. Aagh! I do not like snakes of any kind. I was thankful to be outside the garden fence as this 2 1/2 foot black and white striped snake slithered more like raced s-like after the creature. Just thinking that I could have been in there in the midst of the chase in my sandals made me shiver. So no, sir, from now on full tennies for me. You will be surprised to know I did not scream when I spotted the snake. That surprises myself as I just watched it shuddering.

After my outside work was done and at the protest of my right rear side/cheek seat which attacked me with a sharp pain as if to say, "enough bending!" I came inside to "red up" the sun porch. "Red up" translated for you non-Pennsylvanians is like tidy up, clear up, clean out. I love sitting out on our sun porch room, see the wicker onthe photo, but as we only use it during the warm weather I am way behind on my enjoyment of using it this year. Instead it had been getting regular contributions of things to be stored, packed or just put somewhere out of sight for a bit. In this effort, I reviewed my collection of Martha Stewart magazines and determined that years 2002--2006 had to be contributed to the library bins. Our wonderful little local library has bins where we can contribute our used magazines in the foyer. anyone who wants them then can help themselves, free. It's a great resource for schools who need materials for collages, artwork, as well as for people who just want something to read. I have donated regularly and sometimes I even find something of interest in the bins to pick out and bring home with me! Why I accumulate these magazines I cannot explain. It's with that intention to make, bake, cook, fix, some thing in the magazine. Sometimes I really have used the recipe or idea and then referred back to it. Just not often enough to justify accumulations. So I keep them fully intending to someday get back to that. Soon, they are taking up far too much room. So these went to the library bin today along with a years worth of gardening magazines. Next I need to "red up" the Art/Antique magazines which I also amass.

After clearing through my aunt's house in PA I have vowed to reduce my own collecting habits. We will see how long this lasts. Right now I'm in a simplification mode but as soon as that gremlin, strikes I will have a lot of self talking going on. You know the gremlin that lurks, making you look for something that you have kept for years and just recently tossed and now must have! I have a couple bags and boxes of items set aside for Goodwill or the Church rummage sale.

As usual with my projects one thing leads to another. I found that to store items I need an additional shelf in the side of the cupboard we have on the sun porch. We bought this for the kitchen and I decided I did not like having this moveable island in there. So it resides onthe sun porch and makes a handy bar or serving buffet. On the right is a long tall side where stuff gets piled on top of stuff. So that is keeping Jerry busy today. Otherwise I have gained the solace of the sun porch for morning coffee and evening wine and just general enjoyment looking out over the back yard and flowers. A lovely way to spend time. And today as my right seat cheek still tingles I am taking advantage of that. Another day off, no bike riding or Curves today. I am listening to my body say, "just give it up for another day." Even when I don't go to physically work out I am not sedentary.

This morning I did rose bush patrol and picked up 2 more Japanese beetles. This year those nasties got a strong hold on the gardens. I was gone and could not keep after them. But now that we have been home they are nearly gone again. My method involves scooting them into a jar of water where they swim desperately one on top of the other round and round. Then I set the jar covered in the sun to bake. It takes a day or so to do them in! They are really tough bugs! But I hate them for the destruction they do to the roses. We never had these in CA so this is a new to MN issue for me. I remember my grandma would pick them off and dump them into a can of kerosene and then when grandpap burned the bugs went up in flame. Mine are flushed down the toilet. Oh did I tell you I sometimes use my garden clippers to cut off a leg or so before tossing them into the jar! Who said I don't have a mean streak!

Reading Catch Ups

I am still working through Barbara Bush' Memoir which is nothing short of delightful reading. I've always admired Barbara Bush and this memoir with excerpts from her diary follows her persona to a t. There is absolutely nothing negative--she almost wears out the word, "wonderful" but more on it later. Meantime because Barbara's book is so thick, I also read another book & dumped another book.

"Our Lady of the Forest"by David Guterson is a dump. After drearily plodding through 97 pages I could take no more. This is not as bad as his previous book that I dumped but it is still not worth reading like his S"now Falling on Cedars." Two flops and a hit for this author. The story takes place in WA about a teen aged runaway, Ann Holmes, who is a mushroom picker in the forests and who sees the Virgin Mary. There is a new young priest who of course is involved in reviewing her visions and ecstatic postures. Who knows where that relationship will go as the author has several hints of the priest perhaps lusting. I did not want to waste anymore time with it. Too many good books await my eyes. This book is in the donation bag for our local library book sale.

"Laura Bush An Intimate Portrait of the first Lady" by Ronald Kessler. And yes I know that Laura Bush is no longer the first lady. I had this one on the shelf pre-election. It is ok. Some interesting photos but nothing overly revealing. Her passion for literacy, libraries and reading are stressed. Laura could just as easily have continued to be a librarian , a school teacher and be as satisfied with her life. She is devoted to her old school friends and the most loyal friend, wife, mother, daughter. We learn that Laura was a thrifty shopper, non materialistic, not at all extravagant and not at all prone to spoil her girls with expensive designer outfits. Laura sees no need for any of that. A very sincere, unassuming woman, Laura retreated to reading when at Kennebunkport with the Bush clan. Her actions at time, remind me of Jacqueline Kennedy with the boisterous Kennedy clan. There is a bit about how Laura convinced George W to give up alcohol but not too much detail. The book presents Laura as what we saw, a background lady who knows herself and is inner directed. A very literate lady who can discuss "The Brothers Karamazov" at the drop of a hat. A quiet woman who occasionally still bums a cigarette. It's an ok read. But I'm not keeping this book either.

Bats and critters

A week or so ago, returning home from a meeting, as I opened the garage door I noticed something flying or gliding along the inside. I thought, "a small bird?" and "poor thing. How did it get stuck in here? Maybe it will fly out." It was dark and shouldn't it be in its nest somewhere asleep? But something said to me, "no, not a bird, a bat." A bat? I have never seen a real one in my life, only Halloween likenesses. I retrieved Jerry from relaxing in front of the tube to check out the garage. He immediately turned off the light and told me to go inside as he pronounced that it was a bat. Well I felt kind of smart. How did I know that?

He poked and prodded around among some empty boxes and cardboard piled up for the garbage pick up. No bat. He poked around crevices. No bat. So after a short time he gave up and returned inside. Bat either flew out or was hiding and not to be found. We've not seen it since. I wonder if they are good luck?

But yesterday morning I stepped out into the garage to set up my bike for my morning errands and workout. I noticed that my used to be large Christmas cactus that has a good spot near the window had been whacked--many fronds were knocked off. Oh, I thought, Jerry must have brushed up against it! Darn what a whack job and it did not need trimmed. Wonder why he didn't say something?

Actually I'd gotten a bit annoyed that he let that happen and ignored it. Well as I walked over to assemble my bike (it's collapsible) I reached down and let out the loudest scream as a small critter, brown, fat with beady eyes looked up at me! I thought it was a mouse but now who knows! I ran inside again, but Jerry was in the shower.

See, I really am a city girl at heart. Despite years in the hillside and orchard in CA I don't do critters! Well, be a big girl and get out there I say to myself. Besides it is probably gone now. I must have made an impression on it. But no, there it was clinging to my bike right near where I pull the lever to snap it all back into place! Yeach! It could have bit me when I reached in there. So there it was, fat and brown, same beady eyes, looking at me. I grabbed a handy garden shovel and began to poke at it. "Get out of here!" Like how brazen, why doesn't it leave?
Why is it just clinging to my bike? Back into the house to shudder.

Well I can't just stay in here so out again to the garage. There it still is. Finally with all my frustration and still shuddering, I gave it a good push and it fell from it's spot down into the area of the bike chain fender. What is wrong with this critter? Why is it just hunkering there shuddering? I know I screamed, maybe it's now deaf from my shrill scream? Why doesn't it just get going?

And then I saw it, tiny blood spots on my bike where I pull the lever to reassemble and lock the bike into rideable position. Critter blood spots! I finally realize that when I reached to set up the bike I must have caught part of its toes in there. That explains why it squeaked and would not move! Gross though! So I returned to the house to wait over another cup of tea until Jerry came out of the shower. He would have to deal with this. Which he did.

Of course when he went out the critter was gone. And he finds this very funny. I explain loudly that it is not funny! Not at all and there is critter blood on my bike! What I thought was a mouse may not have been. The dark brown color doesn't sound right to him, but it had a pointy nose , was fat and had that mouse type tail. I know it was not a rat. Jerry thinks it was something else, a mole, a gopher? I don't think so. Some weird MN critter. But now this explains the pruned Christmas cactus. Evidently this critter did that and so Jerry was not blamed for that. Looking closer I see where it chewed the fronds. How rude!

Well we hosed the blood off my bike and I pedaled off on my way. He never found the critter. Where ever it is, what ever it is it must be missing toes or part of a foot. Do I feel bad about that? No, it should have not been there and it should not have eaten my plant! Jerry thinks it might have been in the garage overnight and was hungry. Still no excuse! We live in a small town, in the city limits so what are all these critters doing in our garage? Maybe they will put the word out, stay away from that woman, she cuts off your toes with her bicycle not so unlike the farmers wife who cut off their tails with a carving knife!

Overwhelmed and under slept

Just when I think it's safe to go back in the water---oh wait that's sharks. I have been off blog for so long because I have been too darn tootin' busy. I thought I was retired but with estate work, power of attorney and trying to keep our heads above water here (there's the water again) I feel like I have a job. At least it feels like employment without the compensation, because I have little control over my time. Well, I can choose to not do something at the certain moment and wait another day but then it all piles up.

My friend Sandy, in CA, has cautioned me about time loss in retirement but even Sandy didn't tell me it could get this nutsy! She's frequently said, "everyone wants your time and it becomes very precious. Days fly and you wonder where they went or what happened." Time our elusive wave in the ocean. Everyone thinks you have all the time in the world when retired. HAH! I have so many projects pending--when can I get to them?

I keep thinking of water because I would love to be somewhere on a beach right now! It is wonderful to be back home after PA but so much to do. How can weeds in an untended garden grow over 5 feet high in 3 weeks? Sure would be great if cultivated plants did that! Thrived on neglect. We did not plant our vegetable garden this year because we expected to be traveling. Little did we know the travels would be back and forth to PA.

So I think headway is underway and instead it is the head lights of oncoming traffic. Something like that--the light at the end of the tunnel is oncoming train.

Well boo boo freakin' whoo--you get the picture. I am overwhelmed or at least feel that way these days. Have not yet completely unpacked the treasures we brought from PA. The antiques we shipped arrived safe and sound and were delivered by the same two young men who packed us up in PA. That surprised us and it was nice to see them. They sure work hard. We gave them a nice $$ tip when they left here.

Sunday Jerry took it upon himself to begin to unpack. I had mentioned that I could not find the gold flatware set I'd brought from my aunt's. I wasn't really looking for it, just curious. So his interpretation or attempt to help meant he unpacked a couple boxes of what nots and set them into my Grandma's hutch which we have downstairs. Well that was not helpful as I have certain ways of doing and displaying things. His design did not fit my design. I don't know why he does that because he surely would not want myself arranging things in his garage or shop. Oh but he thinks this is different because it's his house too. So Sunday which I'd wanted to be my leisure kick back and read the Sunday papers day, I had to rearrange and then unpack other things to keep him away from those boxes. It really ticked me off which he could not understand so we replayed our episode of Men are from Mars. He still does not understand why I did not just appreciate his help. And as another friend reminded me, "in 5 years what difference will it make?" None. In fact in 5 days it won't make a difference but it did at the moment.

I thought that I had a buyer for my aunt's home. That is until this evening when my realtor called about results from a home inspection report taken on by the potential buyer. I'd already negotiated down in price because I agreed to pay for 2% of the buyer's closing costs; at first they asked for 6%. I said no way. That means about a couple grand off our proceeds at 2% but I figured it was worth my being able o scratch this off the list of estate tasks. This is a biggee. Reportedly the buyer is a single woman who wants to close by September. Also suspect she is a first time home buyer with out cash down. But supposedly she has a loan secured and the house did come in appraised above our listing price. Well with tonight's demands she better find another house. I said if there was anything shown up in that inspection report it was tough. My same response to my realtor tonite. I hate being nickled and dimed. I hate bartering and negotiating. I am not a rug merchant! Well we have not yet been on the market and I know the house is a gem. So back to square one unless they concede they will fix the "radon" and some hokey business about the electric box, themselves. The electric box as Jerry explained is a higher level than what is needed. Jerry said tell them to go soak their heads. Water again! Home inspectors privately paid look for things to make their fees seem worthwhile. Well the woman now can continue to house hunt and my realtor better get to work selling.

The estate sale will be Saturday and I surely hope it goes well. Another estate task pending until.

Ahh I could get into a black mood and think I celebrated way too soon. But I must trust that if it is right it will be. I know I first turned down their offer when they did not come in full price and they came back two days later with , "OK.." Maybe it will be so again. Or here's a thought, they can take the fix it cost our of their commission, my realtor as Lister and the buyer's as seller! Realtors, maybe a step above used car salesmen!

So here I am at blog again--only it is far too late for me. I have not been sleeping very well off and on. I figure a good night sleep will come sooner or later. Usually I just lay in bed and rest but tonight I got up and came to the computer. Perhaps this is not a good thing because it tends to awaken me...awaken, heck it's already 1:37AM! I'm off and up to bed to lay there till these big brownish eyes close!

I'll count blessings--instead of sheep as the old song goes. First blessing, that I am retired because could not handle this if still in career mode; another, our health reports are good on both of us. Jerry's cardiologist check up went great with another clear for the year and "keep doing what you are doing." Another, Uncle Carl is amenable in assisted living even though he still thinks he should go home. Another, I signed up for Medicare effective in November...oh but I need to find out how my retirement system handles that. Another phone call I need to make...ahh even counting my blessings runs into tasks to be done!

PA Updates on shortman

Finally at the local library 'puter. Enjoyed a great meal and visit last night with Carlie, Pam. Bev, Kathy & Sam (Kathy's brother who accompanied us for Jerry's benefit...so Jerry would not have to listen to all the women.) Rich stopped by too, my old friend, attorney, etc. Who is always good for advising Jerry that he can represent him here in PA! Kathy asked me earlier that day, "Is Jerry going?" To which I said, "well if he wants to eat he will!" So she suggested Sam come along so he could have someone to talk to. That was nice, but actually Jerry is getting quite used to these PA gatherings with my friends. After 42 years with me he doesn't get worked up about much....

Except when he goes into what I call his Jerry-Bob-Jerry mode. Sandy knows that's the combo of her Bob's spirit with Jerry! Both small men, with big attitudes at times. Jerry would not listen to my advice to not pack those clocks until the estimator came. "No it's fine. When we moved Mom from CA she left all her drawers filled." My comment, "But that was different, it was clothing, not valuable heavy antique clocks." "Well I know what I'm doing. And these are my clocks, Jinx wanted me to have them remember!" Oh yes and I know he's quite proud of them! I am destructively anti-mechanical and realize my own limitations! For some one on a retiree schedule which is not at any special time, I'm amused at his fascination with clocks. Likely the mechanical thing again. Who knows why? watches.

So Jerry spent a couple days packing the antique clocks securely into the dresser drawers of the antique bedroom set we'll be shipping. When the estimator from Wesleski Moving arrived she said the clocks could not ship in the drawers but must be in separate boxes. That set off the short man Jerry-Bob-Jerry who "knows what he's doing." He proceeded to show his packing job to which she turned a blind eye! This annoyed him no end, and he amply expressed his displeasure. To which I glared at him, like, "shut up....she's the expert. Let it be." Oh no. Has to get in the last word. Finally he departed to the basement to check on a load of clothes in the dryer. I apologized to Mary Ann and we both laughed, "it's a guy thing."

I have not seen this behavior since his actions with our contractor when addition was underway. It surfaces periodically. Would not tell him, but it's the short man complex in action!

Same with my friend, and attorney, Rich. Wonderful guy, but the same stature as Jerry and quite capable of displaying the shortman attitude. What is it with me and these guys!

Oh of course Jerry did not let it go. The next day when he went to their office to pick up the boxes, he talked to one of the guys....who agreed with him and said, "ah that dumb broad" or whatever name it was...So now even though he has repacked the boxes with the clocks as advised, under protest. He is once again right! After all the guy, an older guy (translate knows what he's doing, been in the business forever) agreed with him. "We like to have the weight in the drawers. Look at all this paper I have to shred from packing...waste of time." Ahh, male chauvinists at work.

Otherwise things going as well as can be expected. Unfortunately the TV in the motor home has given up! This is not amusing as it's only from 2007. The TV works in the bedroom but not the big one in the front. Ahh there are worse issues to deal with. Will handle it when we get home.

PA update funeral and status

Here we are in PA. Tuesday was my aunt's funeral & heaven smiled with perfect mild weather. The service was held at St. Mary's in New Kensington, our old family home church, founded by the Polish immigrants in the 1800's. Rusciewicz, our long time family funeral director set it up there. I requested two hymns, "Be Not Afraid" and "In the Garden." George, the music director chose of all things, the Matka Boscwie (sp??) which I remembered from way back. It's a Polish celebration hymn to the Blessed Mother! I was amazed that the words came back--it was a perfect send off for Virginia who loved to speak Polish now and then. As the casket left the church with Carl and me behind it, I could not help but smile! Billie, the Bethany Hospice Chaplain accompanied Carl on his other side. So meaningful.

The church did the finest--a nun read the liturgy and selected the passage from the Book of Revelation which I would have chosen--behold I am creating a new thing.... Rather than the altar boys we had an altar girl! I know my aunt liked this. The priest's homily was perfect. At first I trembled, because she did not want to be talked about--I wondered from my pew between Jerry and Uncle Carl! "Oh no, what will he say!" The father told a wonderful Arab parable about how we all meet death. I know she'd have liked this story--after we return home I will add it here as I have never heard it either. Uncle Carl finally got it a bit and I noticed a few tears, which he quickly wiped away as he did not want me to see that. To him I'm still the kid in a lot of ways and he's the adult.

Her house is jammed full of so much stuff that we are overwhelmed. Yesterday Jerry opened 3 60-gallon containers--massive drums/barrels which were sealed in the basement. (Jerry has been hanging out in the basement uncovering no end of treasures while I try to deal with the upstairs main floor) These drums contain thousands of yards of wonderful fabric--I quickly grabbed a cream one with gold tole print and 6 yards of a gorgeous screen print! Then I stopped. I cannot begin to go through these to select more. I sure hope the estate sale brings quilters, sewers, some one who can use this wonderful find. So much, too much.

I even find myself passing on the 12 piece place setting of china, which I have no room for at home. It would match our sets, but we already have more than what we need. So hopefully someone will buy and appreciate it--it's from Montgomery Wards, Style house, silver trimmed, lovely. I have to pass up so much because I have my own collections. Thank God for the wisdom I'm growing to pass up this stuff. Not that there are not so many items to bring home. And Jerry is finding treasures that he could not imagine--his focus is on old tools, wood. He found my grandparents old wooden tongue and groove breadbox! We are taking it along with a magnificent silver carafe set of sorts, likely from the Irwin family. Solid heavy old silver with a bell to call the servants in the old mansion. Trouble is all the carafes were wrapped in plastic and have cracked--still a priceless find with ornate human heads on the 4 feet. It is about 18" tall. I'll photo & post here after we return home.

Well I am at the library and my time is nearly up so I must sign off. One last accomplishment which is bittersweet. I took Uncle Carl to the doctor who convinced him to go into a personal care home. I know he will adjust eventually and is amenable so far. What a blessed relief to not be worrying about him falling down or of his wanderings off. The neighbors now have peace of mind too. 91 years old and he has outlived his mind. The doctor said his body is slowing down, his blood pressure was only 100/60 Thursday! Who knows where mine hovered!

Tomorrow we will go to my friend Kathy's place in Mercer for a party/reunion and that will be our break. We have been busting our buns day and night. I now see the benefit of Jerry's strategy that we bring the motor home--it forces me to leave. It forces me to leave the "scene" and give up my churning! It is overwhelming clearing her home.

Yesterday Jerry mentioned an Agape Mission Thrift store at the Methodist church nearby. I didn't think it was open, but he was right and we stopped by. I delivered 10 boxes of clothing of all sorts. The women were thankful and said it would sell. Aunt Jinx was so tiny that I am skeptical. But they provide clothing free for those who come with county vouchers, so that is a good thing. I also donated a beautiful plaster head of Jesus to them. I have no place for it and I thought the church would be appropriate.

I wish people who she knew would come and take something, but they like we are already set with all they need. Randy, the neighbor across the street said, "I need nothing." Monday a lady will come to give me information about how she will hold an estate sale. She is a referral from a friend so I hope this works. Monday the real estate agent will be there for me to list. She believes this house will go quickly. She had just sold the home down the street and has 3 potential buyers already. She was ecstatic when she came to the housed, "this is beautiful, immaculate and move in ready.! I have not seen anything like this for many years. "

So we hope for the best and are grateful for the watchful eyes of the folks from beyond. Library time up!

Sandra Brown's "White Hot" Read

On my way out the door, I must include this book. If I let this set aside until we return I'll surely forget it. Sandra Brown is one of my favorite trashy reads. She's not that trashy, no f-words, none of that, but she's hardly literate. Sandra Brown is always a good woman's read and some call it a thriller genre. "White Hot" is the saga of the Hoyles in Destiny, La. From the Daddy who rises to own the foundry by marrying the owner's daughter, the book chronicles the saga of his children. It culminates with Danny's death and Sayre's return home. Sayre is the long estranged daughter. After the cemetery, burial Sayre meets Beck Merchant, the hired attorney, loyalist to her father and family. The story really ends with a surprise so I will not give it away! This has to be one of Sandra's best. I loved it and will pass it along. A great summer read!

Helps from Beyond

My aunt Virginia passed on Tuesday. We'd been on alert vigil with hospice beginning July 2 on our way home from WY. I last talked to her on July 4 by phone while the hospice nurse was there. I told her she could close her eyes and sleep peacefully now, not to worry about a thing, I had it all handled,that I love her and she had been like another mother to me. It was hard for her to talk but she did and said, "I'm trying to just go to sleep." So when the call came at 4:45AM Tuesday, July 7, I was expecting it.

I've made all arrangements through Rusciewicz funeral home there. They have attended to all the funerals in my family, grandparents and perhaps even my grandmother's father. It's a long time Polish relationship. What a good thing!

We will use this photo for her obituary which I will not run until we arrive in PA. It was taken at her 50th high school reunion, several years back. It did me good to look through old photos when her life was good. I especially love the big black and white one of her at PPG driving the forklift! I wrote a story about her back in 1989 while I was enrolled in a state/federal intergovernmental year long executive program. somewhere I still have that in my collections and will have to get it together with other photos. She enjoyed a full life up until this recent siege with cancer. Age 87 is enough. As her husband, my favorite Uncle John would say, usually when someone had passed and people were sad, "Just how long to people have to live anyway before they can die.?"

We will be in PA Saturday when I will tell my 91 year old Uncle Carl, her brother. I just prefer to do that in person. No telling how his mind will take this. And too he might just forget.

Aunt Jinx was adamant over the last years that she wanted no funeral, no viewing and that's fine with me. But talking with the funeral home, Bill asked, "do you want a mass?" I agreed that for my uncle's sake and probably mine too that would be good. So we will have the mass and then go right to burial at the cemetery on Tuesday July 14.

So yesterday I called the church to request two hymns--In the Garden and Be Not Afraid. No problem. About an hour later, Bill Rusciewicz called me and the conversations went like this. "Pat how are you doing?" "Oh good, we will be there Saturday." "Pat, you called the church to request a couple hymns?" "Yes." "Well, trouble is you called the wrong church. You called St. Margaret Mary's." "Oh I thought that's where it would be. My uncle goes there and it is closer to the cemetery." "No, I have it for St. Mary's in New Ken." "Oh that's our family's home church, where I was baptized, had first communion, confirmation, etc." "Yes, I know that so that's why I scheduled it there."

Seems I caused some long distance head scratching. When the Monsignor talked to the secretary he knew there was no funeral scheduled at St. Margaret Mary's. So he called Bill.

Well not a problem anyway. Just that I'd been telling people the wrong church. OK so I can make those calls again and tell others when we arrive. I called St. Mary's and spoke with their secretary who had a good laugh. She said, "It was just meant to be." I explained that I always check in at my home church when I'm in PA but that in May I was far too busy to get there. And even though I am no longer a practicing Catholic, there is still that draw with my church (as well as some Catholic practices that stay with me.)

I had to laugh. I thought of Aunt Jinx up out in the peaceful beyond. I believe her spirit has linked up with my best friend Roberta who passed years back. Roberta still has fun with me! I think their conversation went something like this.."I didn't want anything, just to be buried." "Well funerals are for the living not for the dead." Let's have some fun now..." All's well and all will go on. Proving once again that people need to watch over me and my actions. I'm on one of my rolls now---busy, busy, busy....Jerry keeps an watchful eye on me. But this time help from beyond was in order too.

I knew she had her plot paid for right there alongside my grandparents and her husband at Greenwood. But while in PA I could not find any other funeral arrangements. But Bill called me Tuesday evening with "good news." His sister recognized the name and looked through their records--sure enough she had paid for her vault when Uncle John died. She also had selected her casket giving nstructions to them that she wanted the same as John's. So I am thankful I will not have to choose a casket--I was not looking forward to that chore! Thanks Aunt Jinx!

In these last years, I'd just call her Jinx, dropping the aunt. The Jinx comes from the Polish for Virginia, Vircwinka. I can't spell that either.

Now I flash back to the Polish for aunt, "CZOCZI?" I can't spell it but most of my life I called her CZOCZI. One day while visiting in PA years ago, I was in my 30's and at my mom's. I said, "Wonder when Czoczi & Uncle John are coming over..." Mom snapped at me and said, "Don't you think you are old enough now to call her Aunt Jinx? Why do you keep saying that word?" I'd never thought about it, it was a natural to me. It didn't bother my aunt, but my mother? Who knows why, Mom was strange at times. But from that time on I'd dropped the czoczi (pronounced, chouchee). A few years ago,Jinx asked me why I'd quit calling her czoczi. And I told her I didn't know but that Mom had blasted me for it. She said, "Oh you know your mother just always has to say something..." I never spoke much Polish, but as a child I heard it. I can still say some Polish prayers which my grandmother taught me. And I guess I just picked up the Polish and used it.

And another thing. Tuesday I spent so much time on the phones between my cell and home phone. I'd be talking on the home phone and the cell would ring, and vice versa. So tiring! I commented, "I am sick of these phones!" Bingo yesterday after Bill's call, I tried to call my dentist to reschedule. No phones. Of course the cell still worked. But all the phones were off. It seems there was a massive power outage all over town. A cable had been dug out during some road construction. Phones were off for several hours. So I did get the peace and quiet from the phones ringing! More curves from beyond? Let's help our Patty down there....Who knows....I only know that I've always had people beyond watching out for me. At least I believe that! And now, one more has joined my heavenly hosts!

RIP Aunt Jinx.

So our first Motor Home Rally comes to an end; it was a fun different experience here in Gillette, WY sponsored by Fleetwood Motor Coach. Over 800 from all over the country gathered. We would attend another depending where it would be held. But I will not volunteer again. There is enough to do. We met many fun folks and some not so fun. Here are some of my observations:

People are funny. Today at the feedback session for the Fleetwood owners of Class A's many complained and wanted features that are available. Their problems were that they purchased cheaper models (Bounders) and wanted deluxe features which we enjoy on our Southwind and others do on their Pace Arrows, Revealations, etc.

People who do not drink wine should not be in charge of selecting the wine for cocktail hours. I was horrified to find the cheapest wines being poured from a box. There are many drinkable box wines., but what did these people offer? Chablis and Burgundy by Inglenook! Rot gut! I would not even cook with that. Who has ever heard of Chablis in this day of Chardonnay & Pinot Grigio, Sauvignon Blanc?

People cannot read. Though it was clearly advertised as a women's RV driving school for $65, men enrolled too. Some then argued about the cost which was supposed to be prepaid with registration. That was quite an experience for me. Driving a 40' diesel; primarily spending 2 hours backing up through S curve maneuvers again and again. This was my first ever experience behind the wheel and I had to back up! I, who will drive 10 miles out of my way to avoid backing up my SUV! My instructor was a nice gal from Applegate, CA who drives school bus in Rocklin, CA. Small world. I did it though and never hit a cone! The point was to use the side convex mirrors.Not for nothing was this course called Boot Camp! Me, I just want to go forward! That was not the deal (or should I say ordeal). The instructor said if you can back up the rest is easy. Well for perspective, our motor home is not a diesel, so the air brakes were another story; engaging and releasing the parking brake was a challenge in itself. My 91 year old uncle Carl got quite a kick out of hearing about my experience! I had to hear and was expected to absorb a lot about mechanical functions, which glazes my eyes over. Rolls right over me like water off a duck's back! The instructor said, "well it's good to know." I said, "Not for me. That's Jerry's job." She said "He might need help sometime." I assured her it would not be from the likes of me. I explained that I married a man with technical mechanical expertise; it has worked for me for 42 years and I intend to not mess with success. Besides I just don't get it, have 10 thumbs, and think the way to fix anything is with a hammer. BTW she showed us how to check tires with a hammer--that was my favorite part. I inherit hammeritis from my grandpap; use a hammer! Steve and Jerry would shudder when they saw me with a hammer in my hand. Give it a good pound, that's my philosophy! I left with a whole new respect for Jerry and other good RV drivers. It is not something I'll want to take over; leave the driving to him!

We met Norm and Gordy from Vancouver, BC. They were long time friends, traveling together because one's wife had just returned from an Alaskan cruise and didn't want to go on this trip. We learned that Gordy's wife has Alzheimers an his son is battling cancer. He is carrying a heavy load. Norm wanted to get Gordy away for relief and relaxation. Then he asked if I would send Gordy a card later on simply saying something like "Gordy it was good to see you at the rally! Hope you come to another one!" And Norm said, "please don't sign it! It will drive him nuts!" You get the idea they were fun! Gordy had never heard of sloppy Joe's, so that was all new to him. While he educated us about octopus and how they grow very large before they breed.

Jerry was in his element talking to all the technicians and honchos from Fleetwood. Fleetwood has filed Chapter 11 and of course many RV owners are concerned. But we learned the motor home division has been purchased by American Industrial Partners a investment type firm which only buys up companies who mfg. and do business in the USA. They have holdings in firms which mfg. school buses, trucks, etc. Sounds like a good direction for Fleetwood. Remains to be seen where corporate headquarters will be. Good chance it will remain in Dectur, IL. Not a snowball's chance of CA as those attendees from CA hoped. What company in their right mind would venture to CA with heavy taxation and over regulation? Those who remain in CA know nothing else and cannot understand it. Years ago I heard "mediocrity knows nothing above itself." That's CA.

It has been a week where I almost fully escaped from geriatric worries. One series of phone calls regarding my aunt from the hospice care which set me into motion prevailing upon her good neighbors to help out. But otherwise I did get a break. This must be the purpose of vacations. Renew & refresh.

We heard tonight that the Rally is on the web at RVbusiness.com Check it out.

We looked at many (some more some less expensive than ours) motor homes in the exhibits, for sales, and I did not see one that I liked any better than ours. I think our decor inside and out is just perfect. Our layout is better than most. Jerry found nothing to stimulate any upgrade or trade up desires either. So Hooray for contentment with what we have. Here"s to more miles ahead....roll on!

Dandelion volunteers

I volunteered us to help out here at the rally when I sent our registrations. It would be kind and a way to meet folks! Yesterday I talked with a retired Army Col. & wife who are from GA but who RV full time. I was working at the "welcome wagon" where packets are given to the arriving RV'ers! He laughed "mam., I know you were not in the Army...else y'all would know not to ever volunteer!" No I wasn't but Jerry was Air Force and said the same thing. So there is another benefit to military service--a lifetime learned lesson to not step forward.

Today Jerry has parking director assignment here on the top of the hill where the motor homes will live for this event. Today it's beautiful clear blue sky & sunny butthe wind is blowing. We know it's WY where the wind seems to blow all the time. At least that's been our experience in our many trips to and through WY.

What a small world it is. He met a former customer from his Newcastle, Ca shop! There are several rigs here from CA and this guy was one of them. Also talked with another man from Marysville, CA.

Yesterday's cool rain translated to a trip to Wal Mart to get a windbreaker or some kind of cheap jacket. Listening to him and others I packed very light this trip! And, well you know what happens whatever I don't bring along I need! I brought only a very light sweat-hoodie. It had been warm in MN and warm here--it's summer. But be prepared is the watchword. I was a bit chilly at times.

Funny how in retirement I have become more acquainted with Wal-mart than I was with Nordstrom's during my career. Well maybe not quite. I did have a personal shopper at Nordstrom's. Traveling in the motor home, Wal Marts have become my store of choice--that's not quite as bad as a woman I talked to yesterday who drools when she spots a Dollar Store! Her husband said, "well she gets so little excitement in life now that I humor here by pulling off!" These men!

But the Wal Mart here in Gillette had nothing--not a single sweatshirt, not a jacket, zippo! Very small clothing section in a 24 hour super center yet! Phooey! But all is not lost, a Kmart is next door. Same thing--tank tops, some jr. clothes, capris, nothing with sleeves and very limited women's clothing. So now I wonder what happens when a woman from Gillette wants clothes? Does she drive to Casper? This will be my question of the trip. Maybe they order everything online. Who knows but I will investigate this curiosity. (BTW I found a great lightweight all purpose jacket at the Fleetwood vendor shop here at the rally. Snatched it up at $35; it's a Columbia which I've seen for $65 retail! And it will remain in the motor home! It matches the color of our rig. How cool is that?)

Today though sunshine abounds and I am ok with the shorts and tops I have. Which brings me to the dandelions. Volunteers were given free t-shirts and asked to wear them when on duty so we could be identified as such. Hysterically not my style--mens' type t-shirts in bright yellow with the WY logo in a black circle on the front left--and 3" black capital letters all across the back--"VOLUNTEER' Standing around with others we look like a field of dandelions! Ahh but let's just go along--ok I'll don it on duty. Then the next bit of humor, our coordinator announces, "please wear your tshirts to the banquet so you can be identified and thanked!" NOT NOT NOT, nyet, nunca, no way. I will tie it around my waist but I am not wearing this thing to two dinners! And Jerry, well he's not a tshirt guy either--short sleeve snap western cotton shirts are his leisure attire of choice.

So we will have to have our pictures taken as blooming dandelions. And I too will adopt the military lesson--don't volunteer!

PS I wrote this yesterday AM and then the wifi connection booted me out!It said, "..the maximum # of subscribers has been reached..." Then off I went! Well, I thought how rude, I WAS HERE FIRST!! Why not just deny access to someone trying to sign it. All's well as the draft was saved! I am glad I do not have to reconstruct these brilliant thoughts!

We are in Gillette, WY at the Fleetwood Rally

If you have followed me on Facebook, you have had the day by hour update of our travels. So here we be with about 800 (by tomorrow) other Fleetwood, motor home owners at the first ever Fleetwod sponsored rally. And we learned that this Fleetwood sponsored event is despite Fleetwood being in bankruptcy. But, an investment company from New York, American Family has bought the motor home operation. And a kind bankruptcy judge agreed to allow
Fleetwood to continue to sponsor this event!

We made our reservations in January and thought, we have never been to one, always wanted to..so. Keeping our fingers crossed that life does not toss in more of those flying monkeys that seem to upset and twist our plans.

We drove through South Dakota and I don't remember it ever being this lovely and green and lush. We have been through this area before, but this trip was notable. Crossing the Missouri River was breathtaking--that is how it must have struck the early pioneers. Yet today wonderful bridges span the crossing enabling us to drive over the clear blue waters. Breathtaking. Why travel across the world when we have such magnificent sites here in this country? How many have seen these wonders?

How in the 1800's with covered wagons did they cross these rivers? Driving through this area restores my sense of wonder about our American western heritage and history. Last night we stayed in a pasture set up for RV's by a local SD rancher, outside Wall, SD. Electric hook ups only but that beats Wal-Mart or the road side rest, and the cost $5! Quiet and we rested before heaving onward to our destination this morning. We were the only RV there despite seeing many on the roads. Maybe they went on to the Black Hills and opted for a more luxurious setting. It worked for us.

Near Ellsworth AFB there is a lot of growth and expansion from when we were last in this area--maybe 5 years ago. And Rapid City, SD has grown tremendously! Lots of new housing.

Gillette, WY is an area of contrasts. Mansions dot the hillsides here and there. And downward, trailer homes, modulars run down. Yet continue along and there are huge developments of what looks like thriving tract homes. Neighborhoods in growth. This is the west at it's best, no mistake. Wide rolling lush green hills, cattle grazing, and horses. Moreover, this is coal country and we noticed many train box cars loaded full of coal headed eastward to produce energy. Many individual solitary oil wells too are pumping that black gold from the ground.

Tomorrow we will be engaged in helping register arrivals and directing traffic of motor homes o appropriate parking spots. Motor homes are packed tightly here at the Camplex, a magnificent area with several RV sites. In addition there are horse barns (hey it's WY!) and rodeo arenas, a horse racing track circles another area and huge buildings where the vendors will exhibit all we would want in the RV world and more. The city of Gillette has all one could want--Wal Mart, gas stations, restaurants of any kind, etc. And it is 5 miles from here.

Today I learned something very exciting! I'm registered to take the women's RV driving school! So this eve at a gathering the women were all a twitter! "Are you taking the driving school?" "Yes I am." "Do you know we are going to drive a Heritage?" " A what?" I ask. "You don't know what a Heritage is?" "No I sure do not, I barely know what we have.." So the talk goes I learn that the Heritage is the TOP of this Fleetwood line. A coach worth about $900,000! So I say, "Well if they teach me well, I'll just drive it on back home!" Imagine me driving a nearly $1 million dollar vehicle! Now Jerry who breathed a heavy sigh of relief that I would not be driving our coach at this school has turned a bit green with envy. He knows what a Heritage is and just looks at me! Maybe he wishes he had signed up for the women's RV driving school!

Now this eve I am off for a lap around the complex. I wish we had brought my trike but I will be on foot! After we take some photos, I'll post.

JUNE 20, 1944 2nd. Lt. Lewis S Ball

That's my dad and mom's wedding photo taken at Maxwell Field AL, June 15, 1943. Little did they suspect it would only be a bit over a year later when they would not meet again this side of the clouds. They had met in PA at some Polish family wedding and after that Lou began to come to the house a lot. Helen dropped out of high school to follow him once he had been commissioned. Their marriage angered Anna Ball, his mother who said, "oldest son supposed to marry first." Little did they suspect he would never live to see his only child, me. Louie, that's what they called him, disappeared with his plane and crew somewhere in the Atlantic Ocean on the way back to Charleston, SC. I have read all I can find about the Bermuda triangle.

June 20 is the day before Father's Day this year. Father's Day always tormented me, I always felt strange pangs. I was raised in the home with my mother's 2nd husband, not a nice man, whom she married when I was not 3 years old. I used to fantasize that somewhere my dad was alive and would come back. Likely that fantasy was planted in my head by my grandmother, Anna Ball,my father's mother. She went to her grave believing that her Louie would someday come back home. She told me in her broken Polish accented English, " I never give up hope." I had very limited contact with my father's family though they lived very close. This was because of my mother, I know.

My Father Lewis S Ball was born April 3, 1922 to Frank and Anna Ball in Harwick, PA. I have memorialized him on the American World War II Orphans website. with words from one of his pilot training logs......"he holds the sky..." Without AWON I would not have searched for and known as much as I do today. But then you can read that story elsewhere on this blog. And you can check out my dad's website at AWON, our fathers pages at http://www.awon.org/awball.html

65 years ago, June 20, 1944 at 9:00PM started my mother's nightmare. Pregnant with me, 20 years old, and waiting in a small rented room in Charleston, SC, Helen began to wonder why Lou had not returned. Probably at a briefing--they did that with those flights. And there was always something that held the men up. The flight left Charleston for the Bahamas at 08:30 June 20th. He was a "new" B-24 pilot, appx. 84 hours total flight time through his "quick" pilots training with many others. It was wartime and training was accelerated. They evaluated Lou,"ready to command the B-24. Alert. Aggressive" Aviation was in it's early stages and instruments were rough at best. Today one could not pilot a Cessna with only 84 hours total time!

This would have been their nearly last stateside training flight. Lou and his combat crew 193, 113th group, 400th Bombadier group, 1st Air Force would soon head for Europe. Lou knew it would be England. He feared they would not return. In his gut he knew as did the other B-24 pilots, this was a bad business. Lou shared this fear only with Henry, his baby brother back home, swearing Henry to never tell that "your big brother is finally afraid. But if anything happens, remember that your big brother trusts in Heaven and God and you must too."

I learned this from Uncle Henry in 2002 at his & Aunt Pearl's 50th wedding anniversary in Grass Valley, CA. Uncle Henry was true to his vow to his big brother, he never said a word. That evening at their wonderful celebration my Uncle Henry hugged me and said, "Patty you are my only relative here tonight." I kidded with him and said, "Not so, there's Pearl and Larry and Diane and...." But he said, "no you know what I mean you are the only real Ball." As a present to Pearl and Henry who insisted NO Gifts, I'd copied photos of my dad in uniform with his parents and Henry as a boy when my dad was home on leave. Had these framed and mounted into a nice display which brought tears to Uncle Henry as he looked at his long lost brother. Larry Ball has that display today. Fitting because Larry, Henry's son resembles his Uncle Louie a lot, especially Henry said, in attitude, the kidding around, the love of family. That was my dad according to Uncle Henry. Everyone loved Louie! Just like they all loved Grandpap Frank Ball.

I've wondered how much they briefed the stateside B-24 pilots about D-Day. He surely knew something BIG was up in Europe. But here he was, one more maneuver to the Bahamas in the clunker B-24. Oh how he'd wanted to fly those P-38 fighters. Wasn't that every pilots dream? How did a boy from Harwick get into this mess! By choice, yes he'd volunteered. Oh his mom was so angry with him. After all she already had a son in the war, his older brother, Eddie. That was enough. But not for Louie! A post card which he never mailed to her reads, "don't worry Mom. Everything will be all right. We just have to trust in God." What faith, yes Lou was a devout Catholic boy. He'd been selected for pilot training after basic and his time as radio operator. How thrilled he was then. How happy. He'd made it big time!

Helen never knew of his fear but she knew he would soon ship out so she was in Charleston. She wanted as much time with him as she could get. He didn't have near the time to himself these days that he used to have in pre-pilot days. Back then he even had time to take photos of the other men. Photos I have today. No time for that now. Lou was ever consumed, busy with training, school, flying. I have some of his pilot study notes. They are in his big scrapbook which I pulled together to take with me to AWON conferences. It's a book that keeps growing!

But fate was cruel, that night 20:00 June 20, 1944 they radioed, "low on fuel, heading for Jacksonville...." Combat Crew 193 lost radio contact, they never returned from Morris Field, Bahamas. Were they near Jacksonville? Were they off course? Did the B-24 suddenly run out of fuel? Was it such an old clunker that there was a fuel leak, slow but not noticeable until critical? Or, were they flying low along the coast, as instructed, and did a German U-boat, surface at the same time. It would have sighted the plane and that would have been the instant end. I have several letters of detail about the search. Life rafts were dropped but found empty. But had those rafts been in the right area? How far off couse were they? Too many unanswered questions.

The young wife waited, but the men at the door were not Lou. Search planes and navy boats took off from Charleston. Never a trace found of Combat Crew 193, the 9 men (it was a training flight) and for me, I lost the father I'd never know. I'd enter this world in November, 5 months later. I have missed him all my life.

I watched the news and ceremonies at Normandy this year. I am always overwhelmed with feelings of gratitude for those who defended our freedoms. I have disdain for those today who trade our freedoms for socialism and who have a cowardice attitude while promoting talking, for those who blabber about our use of torture! Just imagine what a county we would have had if so many brave men like my father had not paid with the ultimate sacrifice! Imagine that just as I often imagine how my life might have been so very different if my dad had made it through.