tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6733427454505364336.post640720273295723913..comments2024-03-19T14:58:49.197-05:00Comments on Pats Posts: Are we dealing with, dementia or plain meanness?Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09093078029028920810noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6733427454505364336.post-22372161160529005252011-04-21T12:55:36.526-05:002011-04-21T12:55:36.526-05:00Shirley, I have not heard about that book, let me...Shirley, I have not heard about that book, let me know what you think. As an update, today as of September 2010, MIL is in the Nursing home in town in the personal care arm. This gives us a big relief and she has almost done a 360 in treating me better. Of Course, I do her laundry and go there several times a week. But the other week after we returned from our trip she was on a rip again and I had the misfortune of appearing that day with a pair of shoes for her to try on. When I got home, I told Jerry, "that old lady is a pain in the a#@" He said, "well when did you figure that out!" I guess now that I have medical proof that she is not all there, it does not affect me as badly. <br /><br /> I look back now and know she was demented long ago, but her adult children, even Jerry shrugged her off. They long ago learned to ignore her and let it go like water off a duck. <br /><br /> It was hurtful to me too. Does your MIL live independently? It is not possible to reason with a demented or mentally ill individual, remember that in your interactions with her. Sorry you shared my pain.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09093078029028920810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6733427454505364336.post-33025878573042554172011-04-21T12:41:23.761-05:002011-04-21T12:41:23.761-05:00Hi Pat: I am recently recovering from a verbal at...Hi Pat: I am recently recovering from a verbal attack by my 97 y/o mother-in-law very similar to what you have written. It warms my wounded heart to read your blog. My in-law's meanness triggered my wounded child and I moved out for four days and found refuge in a friend's house. The quiet solace was so healing. I now understand what happened and am more aware and alert. How does one relax?<br /><br />When I requested that she just treat me with respect, she wagged her finger at me and stated she is a vindictive person and has in the past disowned anyone who has done her wrong and she will again. And then proceeded to ignore me for days as if I didn't exist. <br /><br />Things are somewhat calmed down now with her. I at least am feeling better. did you find any particular book helpful about this subject? I just found a referral to "The 36 hour day" as a possibility. Thank you again. ShirleyAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6733427454505364336.post-32654535547379750502010-10-08T23:16:10.140-05:002010-10-08T23:16:10.140-05:00Thank you Elizabeth.....much has happened since th...Thank you Elizabeth.....much has happened since then. She (MIL)N is now in a Skilled nursing facilitywith dementia diagnosits in our small town and lo an behaold she is finally nicer to me especially likely becuae tho' there is a diagnosis of dementia she knows we are the ones who look after her. It has not been easy. I just cannot being myslef to be as mean to her as she has been. I have dealt with Alzheimers with my own mother in PA who fortunately died suddenly. MIL is doing better than she has for years. I think she enjoys the attention in the SNF. Hubby is fine with this and tries his best but the rest of them are still thinking "it's just Mom..." I hope you see my response because as you responded anonymously I could not reply directly to you. Thank you for commenting. <br /><br />I had an administrative career with LTC in CA and have read everything I can find about dementia. I have never seen anyone this mean and devious, I think that is just part of her too. She has always been selfish, I find her daughter is the same. Is that genetic or environmental? I wonder about that a lot.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09093078029028920810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6733427454505364336.post-90748004397903894962010-10-08T18:46:15.211-05:002010-10-08T18:46:15.211-05:00Wow. I cannot believe they aren't any posted ...Wow. I cannot believe they aren't any posted comments to this. However, let me say this, my heart goes out to you Pat because this is such a hard place to be in. I wonder how things are now as I notice this is dated from 2008. Anyway, I thinks it's awful when people make excuses for people's bad behavior like "that just Mom." That's not good enough and bad behavior does need to be confronted and not fed with more attention. <br /><br />You're in a hard place because this is not your mom and it will make you look like the mean one if you stick up for yourself or confront her which is such baloney! I feel for you. My own mother became very mean the last few years of her life and I think she had dementia - it was never diagnosed. <br /><br />I work as a nurse and see many patients with dementia act out in mean ways. I'm not sure what makes the brain respond in this way. The brain does tend to atrophy (shrink) in people with dementia and/or Alzheimer's. There are some ways to diagnose dementia by doing mental screening exams. It's quite possible that your mother-in-law may not be very amenable to going to a doctor. Medicines like Aricept can slow the progession down in some cases of dementia, but there is nothing to stop or reverse the dementia. <br /><br />If you haven't already talked to your family members about this I recommend talking to them about getting her on a medication such as Aricept and/or Namenda. It will never make her kind and caring, but it may help to slow the progression of dementia down. If you could word it in a way that it is in her best interest, the family members be then be supportive of this.<br /><br />You shouldn't have to be dealing with a mean person like this in your family at your age. And you are right to try to make things positive and talk about positive things. There are many reasons for this . . . some are religious, some are spiritual and some are for physical well-being. There are many reasons to try to be positive and act in a positive way.<br /><br />Again my heart goes out to you and I wish you the best whatever is happening with you right now.<br /><br />Sincerely,<br />Elizabeth<br />Austin, TXAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com